To dislike weekends

[lostmywaterbottleagain]

Awful to say spending time with your whole family is stressful and not enjoyable at all but it is the truth!

Parenting is really hard! It’s ok to feel overwhelmed and fed up. Once upon a time families were raised with lots of support and it took a village. I’d like to say it gets easier but mine are teens and it’s just different problems and challenges!

4 hours ago I would disagree with you...

Then....husband is complaining he wants to get home to watch the very important bike race which is more important than family time... I come in... kids dump all their stuff on the floor, there is mess everywhere... I get overwhelmed... make comments that I am always tidying, no one helps me... so DH helpfully says "well if you didnt insist we went out all day then you could have stayed home and tidied instead of getting so stressed"
... apparently him doing the dinner is more than enough...

Then he says "we" need to clean out the cat litter... Instead of him taking the mental load and dealing with it he has to say it out loud so now its my problem...

But he doesnt understand why I am pissed, feeling tense and stressed and shouting at the kids when they once again ignore him and he is getting more irate.

I am sure I am doing alot of things wrong but right now I just want to walk out that door and not come back for a week.

So in a long winded way... I hear you...this parenting, co habiting, being married stuff is shit at times

Oh yeah, I love the frequent use of 'we'.

I hear that a lot.

Not the nicest way to speak to someone who isn’t in a great place. If your frustration at her not taking your advice immediately is so great, you’re probably better off walking away from the thread.

Oh, all bets are off if you have young children. Weekends get better.

Not sure it’s great for their development to have a mum who wishes she was dead because she has to spend the weekend with them and their father.

Yep, accepting our daughter wants to do every club and class going and our son wants one on one parenting time above all else and as little social pressure as possible has been life changing.

I don't think anyone was suffesting you take one child out from 8 am til 6pm? just a few hours apart and don't spend all day doing everything as a 4.

We don’t.

I absolutely love weekends and look forward to them all week. I live very centrally in a super exciting city so every weekend feels like a mini holiday, especially in May-October with the warmer weather.

I do live alone and only spend time with people I really like, so it’s not like I’m having to endure time with family I barely get along with (all my family live in another continent, thankfully).

Which people being around more?

Could you use noise-cancelling headphones so you don’t hear the sound of people enjoying their themselves etc.?

But it’s the weekend! That’s what it’s for - a slower start, lingering over breakfast, staying in your pyjamas for a hour or two rather than having to dress as soon as you get up. I would be very unimpressed with a partner who insisted on marshalling me out the door on the only two days of the week that I don’t have to wake to an alarm at 6:30am, make packed lunches and do the school run before heading to work…

Well he's normally up at 5 and Im normally up at 6 on a weekday, so a lie in for a couple of hours is around 8ish, which Im fine with.

But hours and hours of sitting around, looking at the phone, eating course after course of breakfast is a complete waste of the day. He's never ready to 'do' anything whether it be go out or do things needed in the house until around 12ish.

5 and 2 can be a difficult age combination. This too shall pass and it will get better. Maybe take turns with DH to do something individually with the 5yo in the morning. Maybe something that expends a bit of energy. Mini golf/ swimming/ walk outside with scavenger hunt element or even a little run if DC5 is very high energy. Then in the afternoon you can all be together?

Scale back.on the 'should's

Have a lazy morning, allow some screen time, take one child each. Review in six months. Forget being the fantasy family and keep things manageable.

I had a fantasy of doing loads of crafts activities at home (so good for their development!) and then DD hated crafts, she couldn't sit still and found them boring. So I (eventually) scapped the fantasy and parented the child I had!

I also have small children similar ages. My eldest also just started reception so I can totally understand where you are coming from. Although he is not physically exhausted he has definitely been more antagonistic with his siblings and generally quite difficult. Youngest is sleeping really badly and keeps waking the whole house up at an ungodly hour and then everyone is overtired and upset. I’ve been up with him since 3am today so today will be fun 🤦‍♀️ middle one is 3 and stubborn and defiant on a whole other level. Some days I also want to run away!

I find weekends where we don’t have plans the worst. We all actually need the rest and downtime but little children are still little children, they need structure and focus or they struggle.

Things that help:

-DH takes them out to the park on one morning for a bit, I take them swimming with my mum on another morning. Get them out of the house, wears them out a bit and the other parent gets a chance to do some jobs without the kids at home.

-Still putting their clothes out to get dressed into like I do in the week. Otherwise can really struggle to get them ready for the day.

-If there’s a loose plan for the day (eg park in the morning, staying home in the afternoon) I’ll tell them in the morning. They are less likely to hassle me if they know what to expect.

-Getting a box of toys out they’ve not played with in a while for some variety. Often can buy me some relative peace!

-Film. When I’m done and fed up in the afternoon they can watch a film together 😂

totally agree

It is hard to let go of what we think should happen, but so much easier when you do. Your DC are at an age where it is full-on, I also have one high-energy DC, so I relate. She never stops, unless watching a screen! It’s exhausting.

My kids adored flat-pack furniture when they were younger lol 😆 that would keep them busy for ages. Obviously that's not something one can do every weekend though lol. I like the idea of a boredom jar. So get the kids (they can tell you and you write) to pop ideas on scraps of paper and pop in a large jar/box/tin - things to do at weekends. Include indoor and outdoor ideas. Cheap/free things or things that cost money. I spent a lot of time in big garden centres when mine were 5 and 2 - especially the ones with tropical fish or with birds/mice/rabbits for sale. Mine thought it was a trip to the zoo for many years 🤣. outdoor chalking on patios etc works well or painting with water and paintbrushes on sunny days. My nephew is 8 and obsessed with digging so maybe yours might like their own patch of your garden or a big trough/tub to plant something? These are tricky, tiring ages of a kids' life but at least they aren't asking for expensive things all the time like teenagers do. We have played a lot of boardgames/card games over the years too (mine are now 17 & 21 and we still play tons of boardgames) so this is something you could do with the the older one for sure. Matching pairs/memory games for them both really or jigsaws too. I also used to dread weekends as my DH would play football every Sat afternoon so he'd be gone 12 ish and home at 6 ish. I'm glad those days are over but I do miss aspects of them and it's true that the days are long but the years are short 💗

I used to really struggle when my two were little like yours at weekend and I couldn’t understand it. I worked out it’s because we had no structure like the weekdays which I found more manageable. Once the kids had clubs on Saturdays and Sundays (football matches), I have been much happier as we are able to get up and out and all have a focus which distracts them from bickering etc. Otherwise, it was such a drag to get everyone ready, trying to relax but then not getting out until lunchtime. The clubs give us a focus and we take it in turns taking each one or they now all go together on a Saturday morning with my husband and I get a precious couple of hours to potter about. Could you try introducing some structure like a club for the 5 year old and take it turns to go with them? Go and do something with the little one and then hopefully they might be tired and chill a little in the afternoon with a family film so you get some rest too?

Yes, I hated weekends when mine were smaller. Still, things are harder when both parents are about. It seems to shift the dynamic. When they are little, you have to get out too, which makes everything feel higher stakes. Once they are up a bit you’ll take one to the shops and one will stay in and do their sticker book, or you’ll all venture out and grit your teeth, but there won’t be the same pressure to GET OUT.

Make sure you have snacks ready for after swimming.

maybe a trip to Costa ?

Then home for a movie & baths etc.
I don’t count a family film as bad screen time. It’s fine, not like pointless games etc.

I don't like how busy they are, wherever you go but if we stayed in DC would be bored. It probably explains why the elderly couple next door stay in and hibernate, their car doesn't move at all weekends.

I do find, when I have a day off in the week, mid-week is getting busier and busier too though! Never used to be so busy. Maybe because there is an ageing population so therefore more retired people/not at work in the week.