To dislike weekends

[lostmywaterbottleagain]

Awful to say spending time with your whole family is stressful and not enjoyable at all but it is the truth!

So it’s clearly possible to make some changes then. It’s fine to accept doing things as a 4 isn’t fun atm. So don’t do it. One child each out somewhere in the am. A film in the afternoon, where each of you adults get an hour to do something you like alone.

I’ve been trying to avoid screen time as I feel like we’ve had a lot this week. The older one started school so I guess we were always going to have difficult behaviour. The sad thing is I do actually enjoy them one to one.

What started off the tantrums. Sorry to say this but could you own stress be making the kids stressed

Just wanted to say I'm sorry you're feeling so bad OP and I hear you.The small kid phase can be so intense. I wish I had some helpful advice (not sure I do really, except please do talk to your GP if you are feeling really miserable, they should be able to help).

Are you looking for suggestions, or do you just want to vent? Either is valid. Do you have an real life support like family nearby, maybe someone who could take one or both of the kids for a couple of hours to give you a break? Or maybe the divide and conquer suggestion is worth a try.

I’ve been trying to avoid screen time as I feel like we’ve had a lot this week. The older one started school so I guess we were always going to have difficult behaviour. The sad thing is I do actually enjoy them one to one.

They play OK together but the older one winds the little one up a lot, and she responds by screaming which is stressful.

Oh love, they are hard ages, really hard. Divide and conquer, it's the only way! We always tried to have activities booked in to break it all up and give some structure, otherwise the weekend seems endless. We used to have swimming lessons, martial arts etc. Sometimes I'd child swap with another mum (only works if your friends have kids the same age of course).
I'd build in little rewards, like if we go to the park and everyone plays nicely we can make cakes this afternoon etc.
I think that the idea that weekends with young dc are just organic and fun is bullshit. You need a rock solid plan in place to mange the time and everyone's expectations.
It will get easier as they grow, but its bloody exhausting I know.

I did wonder if it was a post-school hols/back to school thing then when you said your children’s ages I realised the older one has just started school. It’s an adjustment period, encouraging to hear you enjoy one-to-one time. Be a little less hard on yourself, a little screen time, maybe shared or a film?

I hated weekends when my DC were as young as yours OP, they seemed to last forever and there was no relaxation at all, up early, amuse DC all day, referee their fights, take them somewhere ‘fun’ for them to complain all bloody day. It gets better I think.

Mine are 12 and 9 now and weekends actually feel like weekends again, kids have activities, maybe see a friend, we have movie nights (with actual decent films!), board game nights, they like time to relax after a long week at school so some screen time, reading, trampoline etc.

You will get there.

I dislike weekends too and don't have any children.
Just these people being around more. 😉
Also looking forward to autumn and especially winter, when the stupid gatherings, barbecues, noise from machinery and hearing them talk about their small lives just stops for a while.

Thanks. We took them out early to try to avoid screen time, lovely autumn morning and then they just whinged and cried and shouted over this and that. I started off patient but ended up getting frustrated myself.

Older one has swimming now so takes a bit of time at least.

My kids are similar ages to yours OP and I feel exactly the same- they're lovely one to one but it's so stressful when we're all together. We divide and conquer by taking them to separate activities and playdates at the weekend. So I can talk to other mums and socialise while they play or do a class. Also we dont limit screen time! They have screens in the morning while I have my coffee and wake up slowly. Then again in the evening when I'm knackered and done for the day. Solidarity OP!

Hello,

We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Mental Health page.
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@astronautseatapplesI hear ya, wish I’d had these when mine were small.

You're doing you're wrong!

It’s very hard with that age. Mine are older now 8 and 10, and it’s very different.

More logistics and ferrying them about, but it’s just less intense. They don’t wake us up at the crack of dawn, they don’t harrass us every second, and it’s not hard for one of us to look after both of them at the same time, so the other parent can either get on with doing stuff, or go out and it’s not really a big deal.

Try and carve out some weekend time for yourself. You each have a lie in one weekend morning. DH takes them to the park or an activity or whatever one morning and you do the other. Or go out and leave them in the house. Afternoons can be family time.

Your oldest will be exhausted physically and emotionally from starting school so I’d definitely have downtime this weekend. Put on a film or something and just chill for a bit

One activity then chill at home/garden. My DH used to take the kids for a swim in the morning. They had a great time, used up some energy and were calmer. Then home for lunch and they were quite happy to play at home for the afternoon, or some craft/building activity. Sundays we usually went fur a drive to a pub outside London and a walk.
Trick is to know how much your kids (snd you) can take before they get tired you get irritated and everyone’s fed up. Two hours of any activity (playground, swim, walk etc) seems a good amount.

My children are adults now, but I felt this most weekends OP. It was always so stressy and the opposite of what I wanted to be doing. It was like an endurance test, no matter what I tried.

Ah sorry @ImaniMumsnet , that was an expression of frustration and anger rather than a serious comment sorry if I worried anybody.

One of the problems is my oldest most definitely isn’t exhausted from starting school! He’s a very active child, has lots of energy, and if he’s at home just becomes destructive. The younger one is much more chill; I wouldn’t know what relaxing at home with a child was like if it wasn’t for her!

Hopefully things will improve.

If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.

you’ve been advised repeatedly on this thread to take a child each, you have even said you like 121, and yet you still went out together. I don’t get it. Either you or the several posters who also said it’s shit. Why keep doing something that makes you all miserable?!? Change it.

Well, occasionally they want to do the same thing, eg go to a park, to soft play.

I don’t know why you’re sounding so antagonistic. Maybe that’s not the intention but effectively herding one child off at 8 am and not returning until 6 isn’t much fun to be honest. Yes, it solves some of the noise / arguments / logistical issues but it isn’t a very nice feeling that you can’t all be together.

Do the kids need a bit more of a heads up on what’s happening? Sometimes I put small person behaviour into my world, like how would I feel if a friend text me at 11 & was like lunch today at x place at 12 id be like ahh man im in my PJs I don’t wanna go & I wouldn’t be mentally prepared enough to be decent company. However if we’re making plans Tuesday for Saturday at 12 Im looking forwards to it & im going to be a great laugh.
If you want to do a country park on the weekend, could you set up kids expectations during the week, talk to the kids about it, what are they looking forwards to about it? Rather than announcing on the day “shall we do do park/soft play etc” takes a bit of planning & you paint yourself into a corner if you can’t be bothered on the day as they’re now expecting it, but my kids become much more agreeable if they know in advance what the plan is, what to expect when we get there & less likely to play up.

Same dh wants a lay in til ten, then he cooks him self a breakfast and watches Saturday kitchen then he walks the dog . I’m dealing with kids and house jobs, at best I can get us out for 1 but then he wants to be back by 4 as he cooks tea and it takes him 2 hours to cook any meal

Sounds awful, sorry :(

God my sympathies and solidarity. I dont have the same excuse of why we have to be back by midafternoon, he isnt going to cook anything as we eat separate types of foods anyway but frequently by mid afternoon I hear 'we should be getting back, its getting late'

It drives me mad. Getting late!!!!

I usually like weekends but I’m with you today. I’m not feeling 100% (was off work with a migraine Thursday but worked from home Friday). Planned a lazy day but dh has done lots of jobs so I feel guilty (he’s fine about it) now I’m drinking tea in the garden because teenage twins are screaming at each other over lost items which have been found but they are continuing the drama. I should parent them but I just haven’t got it in me. If I get involved I fear I’ll tell them both to just fuck off and stop being arseholes (which isn’t how I speak to my dc usually) so I’ve walked away.