It really depends if it will actually make you feel better or not and actually provide closure. Will it honestly be helpful or cathartic for you? Only you know.
I don’t think not giving someone a list of all the ways they’re an arsehole is letting them off the hook, because frankly, and sadly, they didn’t and don’t GAF what you think of them. If they did care, even if they wanted to split up, then they’d behave better. Like, an actual conversation. After four months it may boost the selfish prick’s ego. You may feel that is less important than somehow articulating to him how you feel right now. You could well be correct. Is it possible part of the reason you’re feeling you need to be heard, although months have gone past, because you know you were deliberately ambushed while you were already grieving? That was a terrible low blow from him. However - he knows it was a piece of shit move. Who dumps someone who’s literally just lost someone? What the fuck!
A friend of mine got jilted - and while her sister was going through chemo, no less - and of course, she wanted to tell the cunt what she thought of him, who wouldn’t? Instead she sent her venting emails to me. We honed them into character-destroying works of art 😂 The irony is that Twatface scoffed to mutuals that she had packed her stuff and thereafter just flat ignored him like that was somehow not a reasonable response.
She said that she thought had she sent the angry messages then no doubt that would have been broadcast as well as proved to his selfish little brain he was justified to act as he did because she was crazy/nasty/didn’t understand how hard it was for him boohoo/whatever. God forbid these dudes would ever think ‘am I the asshole?’ The ones who can self-reflect don’t need a message telling them about their failings, and the ones who don’t, well, you could argue that it’s shouting down a well.
Personally, I’m a big fan of leaving them in silence, because even if they’re not arsed how you actually feel, with the dead air routine you can be fairly assured it’ll get on their nerves on some level - not because they’re labouring under the delusion you think they’re anything other than a piece of shit, or even really care, but because most people dislike being ignored.
PS. When that dickhead ex of my friend told people that she’d never spoken to him again since she moved out they were like 🙄 Some of these dudes don’t live in reality. I don’t think them not being told about the pain they’ve caused enables them. They know fine, they just don’t care, poor examples of humanity, fuck them.
But I also support you doing what is right for you. As long as you know you won’t look back and wish you’d said nothing, cos once it’s done it’s done. Maybe give it another while and see if the urge remains? Just as a compromise?
x