Is it normal to spend every evening in the pub?

[HappyDreamer]

Is it normal to spend every evening in the pub? My MIL spends every night in the pub and drinks everyday. Personally I think she has a problem if she’s drinking in the pub every day. Obviously it’s up to her what she wants to do but I feel she prioritises this over seeing her granddaughter which she’s visited at my home once and we are expected to take her to the pub to visit. Our relationship has definitely changed since having my 18 month old. If my partner drinks etc she thinks it’s absolutely fine and he then thinks his behaviour is ok. I’m not denying people having fun when they are kid free and on the weekends but drinking every day I think is too much especially with a child.

No its not typical but if that's what she chooses to do, then there's nothing you can do. You can't make her be a different grandparent.
How much and often does your partner drink?

Yes I just need to accept that and I will just do my thing! It varies but he will have a pint everyday after work sometimes two and it’s caused an argument this evening because I asked him can he make 2/3 nights instead but he said when he feels stressed it’s his way of chilling out and he’s home by six so doesn’t think it’s a problem

I'd say going to the pub every day is within the range of normal, but drinking everyday is obviously unhealthy and suggests alcohol dependence if not alcoholism.

But you can't make people change if they don't want to.

Sounds dreamy. (As I battle my youngest in the shower an hour after bedtime while the other two announce they're STARVING and I realise I've got at least 2 loads of washing and drying to sort tonight).

Completely, I just need to focus on my baby and not worry about what others are doing

A lot of adults prefer adults company once their child resting days are over. In the UK, this often means the pub.
You will need to identify what you are cheesed off/ concerned about.
Is it that your MIL has decided that active, maternal grandmothering is not for her?
Is it that your child is missing out on a relationship with a grandmother, even though you think that she drinks too much?
Or is it that her lifestyle choices have meant that she cannot depended on to sometimes look after the child?
Or is it her well being that you are concerned about?

Identifying your true issue with her will stop you festering about things out of your control.

Is she by herself? Is this a social thing where she sees friends in the pub or is she sat by herself.
I don't think it's normal at all to go everyday but my brother and his wife have a huge amount of friendships down the pub and go at least once a week but it was more before they had a baby. There wedding had a whole group of people that they only knew from the pub.

I don't understand why you're so down on your MIL for going to the pub everyday instead of seeing your child, but not down on your partner who does the same thing and actually has responsibilities to your child.

In my world it isn't normal to go to the pub everyday though, no.

It is a social think to be fair and she does have lots of friends down the pub. I think it bothers me as I wish she could make more time to see us but I just need to get over it really!

How on earth do people afford it?

Being in the pub seems like a sad way to live and it’s often lonely people who do it. Does she have a life outside of drinking?

I wouldn’t have a problem with a drink in the pub to wind down after work. You say he’s home by 6. Is he present when he’s home? I grew up in a village and everyone was there most days after work for an hour or two then home for family time and dinner.

I am down on it, I hate that he does it and we’ve argued about it today and shock he left to go see his mum at the pub - what she does is nothing to do with me and I just need to get over that and hope my partner sees why am I frustrated with him

I was on holiday last week and we stayed in rooms above a pub. From what I saw the same faces were in every night and at lunchtime at the weekend too. Everyone seemed to know each other, it was very social and people seemed to be having a lovely time. It must be a fun way to live but perhaps not very healthy and certainly not cheap.

They are both alcoholics.

some nights yes, some nights he’s so tired he’s asleep, some nights when he’s had more than a couple I find it annoying

but yes I understand this point of view and maybe I need to relax a bit on it but it’s when he comes home more pissed I find annoying

I do think the social side is amazing and sometimes I wish I had that. But also when you have a small child this is not something I can or want to do at the moment. I just struggle with why he needs to have a couple drinks every single day, it just wasn’t normal for me growing up which is probably why.

It isn't normal to not be able to do without a daily drink.

I don’t know because I certainly couldn’t and wouldn’t want to spend my money on it!

Completely and I just need to accept that that’s her way of life andthat’s ok. Typically 2-3 pints a day which doesn’t sound a lot but doing it everyday I’m struggling with. Most weekends he doesn’t if we are at home or not doing much.

I don't get why people go to the pub every day either. I know several people in my village who do. One is a divorced man (about 63 y.o) who goes every evening at about 6.30pm, and staggers back - drunk - every night. Has a skinful, about 6-7 pints of beer. I don't know how the hell he affords it.

Someone DH knows does the same. He is 68 and 'retired' last year (married 50 years,) and he works now - 2 days a week - 16 hours, purely for beer money. Also gets pissed as a fart. I feel sorry for his wife!

I just can't see the fun or joy in it. 5 to 8 times a year is enough for DH and I. DH doesn't drink alcohol - and hasn't for 7 years, so it's not much fun for me drinking alone. I don't drink a lot. (Haven't had any booze in 4 months) but it's no fun going to the pub with someone who is teetotal to be honest. Still, it could be worse. I could be married to one of the aforementioned pissheads. At least DH is a good influence. 😆

@HappyDreamer Bit odd you getting annoyed at your MIL wanting to be in the pub instead of looking after your children though. It's up to her what she does. She's done her childrearing!

I can completely see that OP. It doesn't seem fair either that he leaves you to it.
Do you have time to yourself every day to do something you like, just for you? I'm guessing not. There are two issues - the fact that he's leaving you to cope and the amount he's drinking.

I never said about looking after my child she never has and that doesn’t bother me. I’m bothered that she doesn’t have much of a relationship with my child.

and I’m more annoyed she tells her son it’s okay to drink everyday 🤣

OP people are saying your MIL’s drinking is nothing to do with you - your DP drinking daily and opting out of parenting has everything to do with you! And no of course it isn’t normal. I would not stay with an alcoholic, or somebody who wasn’t pulling his weight with childcare.

Yes I don’t mind him wanting to do it a couple times a week but annoying when I’m left to do nursery pick ups everyday and try and cook etc. his argument is that I will see my friends once a month and evening and get my nails done once a week compared to his one hour at the pub every day