To get very annoyed by dh rewriting history?

[Thecockapooandme]

It’s a bit of a weird and random thing. But it winds me up.

So we have a teenage ds. He can be a pita. Things like an untidy bedroom, leaving the kitchen in a mess after cooking, complaining when asked to help round the house. Losing things, bring messy. It’s probably things a lot of parents of teens have to deal with. Though I’m sure there are some perfect teens out there. Ds does attempt to do certain things but it’s always a sloppy job.

Dh and I will be discussing it at times, just generally about how frustrating it is and how to deal with it.

Dh likes to make out that he himself was a perfect teen. That he helped out without being asked, that he always cleaned up after himself.

I know this not to be true. I met dh when we were both still young. He still lived with his parents and I know for a fact he was messy, lazy round the house and so on. He then lived on his own for a while before we moved in together and he was lazy then. His mum would go round and clean his house.

After we moved in together it took years for him to start doing his share. I won’t tell you some of the disgusting habits he had and ridiculous ideas he had about cleaning.

We are in a place now where we’ve reached a compromise and dh is a lot better.

It’s the rewriting of history and pretending that he was perfect it sickens me a bit tbh.

What occurs to me, OP, is that if he can so easy rewrite this particular part of history what else will he re-write? He's a liar, and liars seldom only lie about one thing.

I was coming on to say exactly the same!!! DH often reminisces about the lack of sleep and I think inside “I did it all”!!! It’s really hard not to challenge him but I don’t because those are his memories and it was hard for both of us just significantly harder for me because I was the one who did everything.

I'd would simply say.... ''Did you fuck... have you got dementia or something?''
And walk off.

I think you’re probably right.

But it would be a big let out for DS if DH said 'I was just like you don't worry about it, it was fine'. Much better he plays the 'I was never like that' bit.

Thanks everyone.

There is definitely a lighthearted element to things like this. But because the cleaning/tidying thing caused so many problems for us. It winds me up so much when he changes the story.

We had a chat about it this morning. Dh says he’s got a really bad memory. But I think he does tell lies, he doesn’t like to admit he’s ever made mistakes.

So like for example he forgot our youngest dcs lunchbox the other day, went out to the car started the car ready to drive off. I noticed and ran out with it. He said he hadn’t forgot he was coming back in to get it. Really? He was in the car ready to go 🤷‍♀️

FWIW he doesn’t lie about big stuff but it’s trivial stuff where he can’t just admit he was wrong or forgot or made a mistake.

I don’t know, probably best to just not speak about it. He is totally different now about the cleaning/tidying issue.

Yeah, I mean whatever me or dh were like as teens, doesn’t mean we should just let ds away with being a messy slob.

But it helps my sanity to think it’s probably just a phase.

@Itsnearlyxmas I think you could be right.

@AliceMaforethought its like they do nothing but sit on here all day looking for people that they can bully and I don’t understand whah they gain from doing it.

My DH does stuff like this. I’ve concluded its pride. I now just say, “Yes you did, I was there.” Or “You weren’t about to come and get it, you forgot it. Easy done.” He says nothing further and we crack on with the day. It is irritating though.

He sounds like he’s defensive, and it’s causing you to have to over explain yourself to be heard or listened to. It’s really tiring when you’re trying to discuss a problem with the aim of finding solutions but your partner is stuck trying to avoid accepting there could possibly be any kind of problem with them. Lack of accountability just causes the discussions to get nowhere because they are so busy deflecting, evading, arguing etc. Try your best not to get drawn into it, keep your energy focussed on helping your son in the here and now otherwise it will drive you mad! I wonder is your dh harsh on your ds? Or does he help him see that mistakes are part of learning and growing? It would make sense that his parents may have been critical of him making mistakes growing up if he now lies and avoids taking accountability. The lunchbox thing is a perfect example of his inner child not wanting to be in trouble for forgetting!

Mine totally does this!!

God this is true. I'm going to ask him about his parents but he re writes that a lot as well. As in has told different things at different times and then denies he said the first thing..

Yuck
a liar
How can you share a bed with him op

FWIW he doesn’t lie about big stuff

how do you know?

I think most of them are like this. Mine gets angry about the messes my son makes (he sounds a lot like your son) but then does almost identical things. Example: washing up left undone - he is worse than son, protein powder left unwiped. Etc etc, I won’t bore you with the details but you can see what I mean. It makes it more complicated because the actual behaviour from my son (and yours) is unacceptable in my opinion and gets a lot worse! But the what happens is you’re the only one that’s actually tidy and doing the work but you’re also the one walking on eggshells in case the OH gets pissed off about it all - make it make sense! But it’s pretty galling when they are not perfect themselves. I confided in my MIL (not actually married) about how I’m struggling with the OH being so annoyed by everything my son does and she was shocked at how my OH has the cheek because he basically was a nightmare as a teenager 🤷🏻‍♀️

So there is your truth, his truth and the real truth

I know exactly what you mean.

That’s how I feel.

So…. Did she then put him straight? @Overwhelmedandunderfed

and what was his response?

it is so bizarre these men lying to their wives about such things. Is it memory issues? Or is it just to wind up their wives? The former is concerning. The latter is fucked up and I don’t know how to all endure it. I couldn’t respect a man who lied about shit like this just to stir frustration and annoyance from his wife