To find it ridiculous when people assume you must be a man just because you don’t agree with them?

[MerryPinkCritic]

It’s such a common thing online - if you express an opinion that doesn’t align with certain narratives, suddenly you must be a man. It’s as if women are expected to think a certain way and any deviation means you can’t possibly be one.

Why is it so hard for some people to accept that women don’t all share the same opinions?

maybe stop frequenting man-hating sites (like MN)

It is ridiculous, yes. I've particularly noticed this when the topic is anything related to sex or porn.

Equally ridiculous is the 'cool wife', 'pick me girl' insult, where if you say that you personally don't have an issue with your partner having female friends, or mention that you share your partner's love of football, or don't really care who your partner follows on Instagram or something, someone immediately starts sneering that you're just pretending not to mind these things because you're desperate for male approval. As if it's totally impossible for women to have a broad range of views on these topics, and that women don't know their own minds well enough to form their own opinions. Sneering about 'cool wife' mentality is, ironically, incredibly misogynistic - but then, I've noticed that quite a lot of women on Mumsnet who call themselves feminists are actually festering with internalised misogyny and only really support women who are exactly like them. It's not really what I recognise as feminism.

I’ve seen a little of the ‘cool wife’ mentality, but not enough for it to stand out, really.
I’m a pretty ‘chill’ wife, but not chill enough to be ‘cool’ I think 😂

This completely sums it up.

MN is one of the worst places on the internet for very rigid beliefs about gender essentialism. Men are like this, women are like that, and if a woman says she enjoys casual sex or is messy or isn't jealous of other women (even the young and attractive ones) then she's a lying pick-me, or a man in disguise.

It's interesting because it's the exact mirror of what I read on MRA and incel boards (and frankly I started reading MN for the same reason - a sort of horrified fascination that people still believe all these shit stereotypes).

Yeah it's hilarious, the FWR feminists have accused me of being a man many times because I don't subscribe to their world views. When I point out this is ridiculous they point to my 'stereotypically male posting style' 😂 if assuming I can't be a woman because I'm assertive or like swearing isn't misogynistic don't know what is! They love to call women handmaidens and pick mes too. I wouldn't call them feminists at all.

Yes this site. OP you say 'online'. Its not 'online', its this forum

I laugh at it and I never respond to the posters who do this. They're idiots if they have to say that

And also all the accusations of misogyny if you happen to think a woman has done something wrong or is in the wrong or isnt any good at something.

Yeah ok.

#fuckthepatriachy

It's not something I've ever said to anyone. However I have seen posters parroting anti-woman rhetoric being accused of being men. I think it's probably a fair assumption that someone who takes an anti-woman stance probably isn't a woman themselves, which is why it's said. Is this what you're talking about? I can't say I've ever seen someone being assumed to be a man purely for just disagreeing with another poster.

That only happens if you have a lot of anti woman opinions tbh

No, that's not true.

I've seen plenty of posters over my 14 years on MN who have been 'accused' of being male, just because their opinion differs to the majority or to certain posters' opinions.

On a whole range of subjects where 'anti woman' wouldn't even come into it.

YANBU OP.

Some people really can't handle a two sided debate, so they end up stamping their feet and shouting 'MAN', as soon as they're faced with someone who thinks differently to them.

Honestly, the opposing opinion is usually a misogynistic one or at least is anti woman 🤷🏽‍♀️

That's not my experience at all.

Yes, you're right that's sometimes the case but more often than not, it isn't in my experience.

It's often simply someone throwing their toys out of their pram when politely challenged on their opinion.

I've literally never seen this and I spend way too much time on MN.

I’ve seen this too, for all the claims of ‘we don’t have to conform to a stereotype to be a woman’, if people don’t, they are either accused of being a man, ‘cool wife’ or playing the pick me game - I don’t even know what the last one means.

AI can hazard a fairly good guess for the sex of a poster from style. Wall of text, droning on… there are a few tells. But people also accuse people of it. And then there are men who often come on here and pretend. It doesn’t come from nowhere.

I’ve only ever seen posters accused of being a man when they say something which supports degradation or harm to women. Plenty of women do have internalised misogyny but sometimes the way things are phrased makes it sound like something no self respecting woman would ever say.

Cool wife etc is different, and is mainly a matter of personal boundaries.

And for any poster who thinks that swearing or being forthright is going to elicit accusations of being a man, you clearly don’t spend much time on here. MN is full of swearing and very rarely would a poster be described as a wallflower !

I used to have a male-sounding username and I got things like 'well a man would say that'.

No. No it doesn’t. It happens on Mumsnet constantly.

This, exactly. A bit like presuming someone on a dog forum spouting dog hate speech is probably a cat.

On MN, it's not because they do believe you are a man, it's because they have no argument and you are right, so they try to chut the discussion with "you must be a man"

Some posters find it easier to come up with "you hate women" than a valid point. (I am a woman Linda, I don't hate myself, thanks)

It's useful to know to stop engaging with them, because you reach their full capacity 😂

It's very common on threads where OP has decided she never wants to have sex with her DH again, whether or not he's doing enough chores. Those who try to see it from her partner's point of view are often accused of being a man.

Yes, it’s amusing.

The same women bleating about misogyny come out with the most appalling misandry and say some truly vile things. It’s actually self-proclaimed feminists on MN that turned me off feminism for good. I have nothing in common with people who harbour such hatred in their hearts.

Really? Your core personal values changed because some anonymous internet strangers had different values that you didn't agree with?

They don’t believe you’re a man, they’re just trying to throw you to the wolves!

give over, it's more than this.

The so-called "feminists" who are the only ones to do feminism "right" 🙄because you have to hate men or you are wrong are very tiring, and no one wants to be confused with that bunch of bitter and hateful individuals.

There are proper ways to be a feminist, just without the name.