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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can coparent use a body cam?

39 replies

BookArt55 · 11/09/2025 09:25

High conflict coparent has just messaged saying he will be using a body cam at handovers abd will be informing the children who are 3 and 6.
Court order states handovers happen at a supermarket with cctv, it documents the emotional abuse towards me, that he tells the kids adult things.
He accuses me almost weekly of harrassment but has no evidence. And won't get any from handover.
However he does drag out handovers, tells the kids he is a lone without them, that he is going to mcdonalds or something straight after dropping them off, and other things. Kids have come home saying they want to do 7 days with him, exact wording he is using as he doesn't agree with the court order and tells me he is taking me back to court. It's only been 6 months. So the kids get upset leaving him but are fine after a couple of minutes in my car. They are absolutely fine from me to him, most handovers go through school and nursery. So only once a fortnight do I have to see him during term time.

I do feel scared of him, I do feel harassed by him. I don't have anything current that could possibly get me a NMO, I don't think, but it was suggested to get one earlier this year but I declined so he has the option of attending our child's medical appointments.

Can he wear a body camera and film handovers? Is this allowed?

I think he hopes to provoke me, I don't ever react. I give him nothing. But also he wants to film the kids getting upset and say it is because they hate me, love him, and he should have more time. Does that work in court?

OP posts:
EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 11/09/2025 09:31

That sounds like parental alienation to me.

I would be putting something in writing saying that it is your belief that he intends to wear a body camera to film the children during handover in the hope that the children’s emotions can be used to bolster a claim for full custody (or whatever it is called now) and you believe that fits the remit of parental alienation.

smallpinecone · 11/09/2025 09:33

Unbelievable how some people hate their ex more than they love their children.

CasualDayHasGoneTooFar · 11/09/2025 09:35

Get your own one, and tell him to crack on

Coldnightsapproachingwhereismyduvet · 11/09/2025 09:37

Why not tell him that's a great idea and you will be wearing one also? They are cheap second hand.
Will give you evidence of him still abusing you.

Summerhillsquare · 11/09/2025 09:40

Did you have a solicitor at some point, could they advise you if so?

He sounds like a cunt, sorry.

Branleuse · 11/09/2025 09:41

I agree with the parental alienation report suggestion.
Can you get anyone else to do handovers?
Or can you use dashcam in your car to show the things they have been scripted to say after, and how quickly they calm down?

theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 11/09/2025 09:57

Can you wear one also to document the handovers and parent alienation?

Log everything with your solicitor, or at least keep all the evidence on memory stick for when it comes to that point

arcticpandas · 11/09/2025 09:58

CasualDayHasGoneTooFar · 11/09/2025 09:35

Get your own one, and tell him to crack on

Yes, I agree. But no need to tell him. That way he can't control the narrative he perhaps would like to create by editing.

Vaxtable · 11/09/2025 10:19

I would wear one as well that way you also have proof

DaisyChain505 · 11/09/2025 10:48

Tell him it’s a good idea and you both should. Don’t react or rise. Keep handovers short and professional.

Original poster
BookArt55 · 12/09/2025 17:51

He's saying it is not a bad way, but to thoroughly document the kid's condition during handovers more easily and thoroughly.

The kids are never upset leaving me to go to him. But, if the girlfriend isn't there all weekend, the kids come back extremely upset. Handover outside the supermarket is tears, him clinging on to them, dragging it out. Handover takes 15-20mins from his car to mine. He has already told me he knows this is because they love him more than me. In reality, emotional abuse towards me is stated in the court order, but not enough evidence to say it is towards the kids also.

I'm going to film handovers so he can't edit in his favour, and I will keep my phone recording in the car to show how quickly they calm down once away from him...

I do still doubt that maybe I need to do something different at handovers to make ut easier for the kids. I wait patiently, I have a snack and drink in the car ready, we have the same routine once they are back, if the girlfriend attends Handover then the kids come over just fine, no tears and it is a much quicker Handover.

OP posts:
fromthechandelier · 12/09/2025 17:55

Be very careful about accusing him of parental alienation. I don't have immediate access to the stats but there is a recognised marked difference in the outcome in court where a Mother accuses the father of it- as in a Mother is more likely to lose custody in these cases. I've been there in court so it was something I did a lot of research about before my last court date. Family court is vile.

Do you have a solicitor? You need proper legal advice. I'm so sorry, having an abusive and confrontational ex is incredibly hard. Much love to you OP.

Original poster
BookArt55 · 12/09/2025 18:07

Thanks, I did have a solicitor and I think i am going to book in to see her. I would never actually say parental alienation, but I would describe the behaviours that I am witnessing. I've seen the stats from America about mothers who accuse parental alienation. Family Court is awful, and I definitely doubt myself.
It is very much exhausting and non stop. Yesterday alone, one day, I received 13 messages from him.

OP posts:
WonderingWanda · 12/09/2025 18:12

God he sounds like an utter bell end. Let's hope his body cam backfires and the judge sees through his ridiculous dramatic goodbyes to the kids.....I can't really see how he can come off well to be honest given what you've said about behaviour at hand over.

friskery · 12/09/2025 18:14

Is there someone else who can do the handover?

FitatFifty · 12/09/2025 18:14

‘Great idea, I will do the same’ might shut him up.

Geiirksns · 12/09/2025 18:22

Can you do anything different for these handovers? Some areas have a contact centre who will facilitate this or can a family member help? This just sounds awful for the kids

DaisyChain505 · 12/09/2025 18:34

Try not to argue his fact of “they love him more” and just say next time he brings it up that it’s lovely that they love spending time with him but both of you should be making handovers quick to stop them suffering.

Original poster
BookArt55 · 12/09/2025 18:39

Court order states only me or my mum, but she is in her 70s and feels intimidated by him, plus when the kids are crying and going back for another hug I am having to pick the youngest up and carry her to the car... not great. Dad rejected every single other member of my large family and my friends. Went for the woman in her 70s, felt like I had to say yes to have a backup option, but in reality she would only be used rarely. Saying that he brings his girlfriend to handovers occasionally despite not being allowed, but then the handovers go more smoothly so I've left that.

Quick handovers are always the goal for me, whether to dad, nursery or school, it just works better. But he doesn't seem to have the kid's best interests at heart.

Contact centre- a friend suggested this yesterday. But does this need to be court ordered? Or at least both parents agree? I don't like the idea for the kids, but it's got to be better than the current situation.

OP posts:
randomchap · 12/09/2025 18:45

The supermarket where the handovers happen may not be happy with the bodycam. They may object as their staff will be being filmed too

Clareat2021 · 12/09/2025 18:45

BookArt55 · 12/09/2025 18:39

Court order states only me or my mum, but she is in her 70s and feels intimidated by him, plus when the kids are crying and going back for another hug I am having to pick the youngest up and carry her to the car... not great. Dad rejected every single other member of my large family and my friends. Went for the woman in her 70s, felt like I had to say yes to have a backup option, but in reality she would only be used rarely. Saying that he brings his girlfriend to handovers occasionally despite not being allowed, but then the handovers go more smoothly so I've left that.

Quick handovers are always the goal for me, whether to dad, nursery or school, it just works better. But he doesn't seem to have the kid's best interests at heart.

Contact centre- a friend suggested this yesterday. But does this need to be court ordered? Or at least both parents agree? I don't like the idea for the kids, but it's got to be better than the current situation.

You would need to pay for this but it is possible, I would look into tbh as the current situation sounds untenable. He sounds like a controlling, egotistical prick.

Heartbreaktuna · 12/09/2025 18:49

BookArt55 · 12/09/2025 18:07

Thanks, I did have a solicitor and I think i am going to book in to see her. I would never actually say parental alienation, but I would describe the behaviours that I am witnessing. I've seen the stats from America about mothers who accuse parental alienation. Family Court is awful, and I definitely doubt myself.
It is very much exhausting and non stop. Yesterday alone, one day, I received 13 messages from him.

13?! He sounds like a complete bully. Could you try communicating through one of the co parenting apps instead? To reduce his exposure to you

Original poster
BookArt55 · 12/09/2025 20:10

Believe it or not, we use Our Family Wizard, I had to force that. This is better than when he used to call, video call, WhatsApp, text and email in one day! Researched the nearest contact centre and it is only open on a Saturday around midday for handover, which isn't what the court awarded/dad would accept. I think dad will push and push and we will end up in court and he will ask for at least the Sunday night/take the kids to school on Monday morning to lower his CMS. That isn't in the kid's best interests as they are so unregulated we use Sunday evening and I changed my day off to a Monday so they can have longer in bed, time to sleep and settle before school. The whole thing is a nightmare.

OP posts:
EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 12/09/2025 20:44

I have to ask. Why did you pick him to have children with? Is his behaviour new? He sounds absolutely vile.

Original poster
BookArt55 · 12/09/2025 21:02

@EvangelicalAboutButteredToast because, believe it or not, he was kind caring, and went above and beyond at the beginning... now they call it love bombing. Emotional abuse creeps in slowly, you don't see it. You become conditioned to it and blame yourself. If it was as easy as I should have chosen a different/better man to be the father of my children, then abuse in relationships wouldn't exist. Everyone would just choose better.

To be blunt, it is really hurtful to place the blame on me. It may be beneficial for you to read up on how abusers are at the beginning, during, and especially after a relationship ends when they start to lose control. Post separation abuse isn't talked about enough, but it is terrifying. The court acknowledges what I went through, yet I am forced to coparent with my abuser. Yes, I put my kids first and I also must follow the court order, but everyday is a struggle. And seeing my kids suffering because of my choices is the worst. But I love my kids more than anything, and I wouldn't change them for the world.

OP posts: