What the hell is wrong with me

[Zoono]

I struggle to build relationships, can't budget and despite having a lot of initial enthusiasm for work or study, I end up completely burning out and having to quit within a year. I can achieve good results in work and academically but only in the short term. I'm in my early 30s and single parenting a toddler. I don't feel like a good role model and can't understand why I don't function like most other adults my age. My daughter is doing fantastic with her milestones and is perfect. I just wish she had a better mum to grow up with.

Ok I'm probably going to be the first of many to say have you had an ADHD assessment? Not being able to budget, having grand plans but not following through, high ability but burnout. All fairly good indicators of female ADHD. I'm sure you're a lovely mum but you need some support and possibly a diagnosis and medication. I cannot tell you how much it positively impacted my teen son when he finally began meds.

I second ADHD, as someone diagnosed as an adult

ADHD. I'm self-employed and zero hours employed. Only way I keep a job - though my GP seems amazed that I'm able to hold down any employment at all.

I am awaiting an assessment for autism. Maybe some traits might overlap. It just feels very rubbish, especially as most of my family who are my age or above are high achievers and mostly engaged/ married. I do want to achieve but I tend to think I've have to give 200% all the time , whenever I start something new, including being a mum. It's just unsustainable and also helped me to deteriorate with severe post natal anxiety, which I've received treatment for. Is this my life forever, if I am neuro diverse?

I also struggle complete a lot of tasks quickly enough for a lot of employers. No amount of practicing seems to make it any better. That's both in and out of the workplace. An example, is that I've been told by health professionals and relatives that I'm very slow when changing nappies. My DD is doing so well at potty training and has rarely suffered with nappy rash, so it can't be too big of an issue. My brain and body just won't work more quickly though. Could this be related to the other issues that I face? Thank you.

Sounds like some kind of processing issue but you’d have to see a psych for a proper assessment and diagnosis.

It could be or I'm just completely stupid. I just wish, I wasn't me.

You're not stupid:
I can achieve good results in work and academically

You burn out.

I also thought adhd when I read your post. Lots of good info re adhd in girls & women online.

Changing nappies slowly doesn't make you stupid either, it makes you careful. Who knew nappy changing was a race?!

Please don’t be hard on yourself. I’m another who suggests ADHD and might benefit from asking for a referral from your GP. I wasn’t aware of a time slot for nappy changing and people need to back off! Who cares how long it takes as long as skin is cleansed and new nappy is fitted carefully. If anyone comments pass the nappy and wipes to them and say “Carry on!”

You clearly really care for your daughter and try your best for her, which is more than can be said of some parents. This will instill her with invaluable self worth and sense of security, as she grows and when she is an adult. Much more important than budgeting.

If you're burning out, maybe don't bite off so much? You can still accomplish a lot, going slow and steady. Open University for example, you can just get a few credits / modules done each year. Or go for slightly easier roles in jobs - you can always apply for something more advanced once you're confident at the easier level, and build from there once you have the core skills locked down x

Are you adhd

I don't experience hyperactivity , as such, although I do struggle to relax. Is it possible for just have the inattentive ADHD type? I've just looked it up. I fit nearly all of the traits.

you should get a diagnosis and read good books about it to find ways yo help yourself. There's a really good book by Jessie Hewitson about it. Can't remember the name you'll have to look it up. But it talks about how adhd REALLY works, not some of the myths around it. ....what is really going in. It could help you to read it. Make your life better..

I have combined ADHD. Never felt like a hyperactive person ever (quite the opposite was always a daydreamer) but I realise now the hyperactivity is all in my mind (my brain never, ever, ever shuts off). I was diagnosed 2 years ago. Good luck OP, I hope you’re able to find some support.

My OH was diagnosed with inattentive adhd last year, and isn't particularly "hyperactive" in that he's quite happy sitting still doing things. He is however, very chatty. VERY chatty. And even sat still he seems to often be stretching a limb or clicking his neck. I think it affects people differently. He's on Medikinet now, and it's truly been a game-changer. He also goes to a support group once a month, which he has found very helpful in terms of the emotional side. In his one, ADHD doesn't have to of been diagnosed necessarily, just suspected.

If you go down the route of getting an assessment, LOOK AT "YOUR RIGHT TO CHOOSE" as wait times will be much less. We went with ADHD360 and the whole process took about 6 months rather than 5.5 years, which is what the NHS times would have been in our area x

especially as most of my family who are my age or above

Don't compare yourself to others. That way lies misery and madness.
Or, if you must compare, compare yourself to other women with ADHD - find a support group online and read about other people's experiences.

Is this my life forever, if I am neuro diverse?
If you are neurodiverse, then yes it is for life.
BUT you can learn new coping techniques and methods that work for you (calendars, phone reminders, giving yourself a time limit for tasks, etc.), and you can learn new habits. (Learning new habits or dropping bad habits is very difficult for humans, but it can be done with enough determination).

You sound exactly like me and i'm pretty sure I have ADHD (but can't seem to get round to making an appointment)

I'm another who came on to say ADHD! I thought I was going crazy when I had 2 little kids and post natal anxiety and then I burnt out of another job. Then I heard a woman on the radio talking about her late diagnosis of ADHD and she was describing me! I've read loads about it since and learned loads of new coping strategies (including to be less hard on myself). GP fobbed me off so I've never actually been sent for diagnosis but since I've actually come a long way without one I'm really okay with that now.

You sound like an awesome mum and an awesome person btw. You'll get through this!

What you’ve described is pretty much me- I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD at the start of the year.
You’re not alone X

Sorry for the stupid question, but are you saying I could go to my GP and get a referral to ADHD360, potentially get a diagnosis within 6 months for free?

Sorry to hijack your post OP!

That is exactly it.

You have a right to choose your adhd support / diagnosis centre can get it free through the NHS. Not all ADHD centres want to take on NHS patients for whatever reason, but many do and ADHD360 is one such service.

For us they did a diagnosis and triaged the meds. Meds are now on an NHS prescription.

It depends where in the UK you are. I believe it's limited to England.

(I'm in Scotland but thankfully I didn't wait too long for an assessment! That was back in 2021 though)

Amazing, how did I not know about this 😀
Thanks so much, going to make an appointment right now!

Same.
Late diagnosis of ADHD (combined) and ASD
Knew something wasnt 'right' but ADHD didnt occur to me.
Its mental hyperactivity rather than physical... which is why it doesnt get picked up.
I though everyone could have several trains of thought ... and an earworm... and hold a conversation at the same time ( whilst watching TV )😂

Yes, I have the inattentive type