Is it unreasonable to ask my husband when his son will leave?

[MyMintRobin]

I'm 35, husband is 55, son is 25.

In March, my husband’s son broke up with his long-term girlfriend (they’d been together for almost 10 years). It affected him a lot. My husband and he are extremely close, more like best friends, so my husband suggested he come and live with us for a while so that he wouldn’t be on his own and could keep his mind off things. He was living in London, whereas we’re in Surrey (so there’s a bit of a commute), but he agreed. I was fine with it at first, of course, as I know how much his son means to my husband. But I wasn’t given any timeframe. I assumed it might be a couple of weeks, maybe a month… yet now it’s been nearly six months. My husband and his son work out together every day, play sports, and generally spend a lot of time together. It’s obvious my husband is enjoying having him here, but I’d like it to go back to just the two of us. At the same time, I don’t want to put my husband in an awkward position.

Being judgemental is more grim.

Don't have children with him. With the fact he is treating his adult son like this (putting him before you, and not keen for him to leave,) and the big age gap between you, you will find yourself looking after 3 generations in a few years. Your middle age will be full of drudgery and childcare, and pandering to men and children, mixed with being a carer.

Children in their 20s quite often stay at home or move in and out. I think the question wouldn't arise if it was the child of you both. The other dynamic is who actually owns the house regardless of whether it's your home or not. I think it's a battle you're likely to lose.

This thread is mad. People come as a package with their dependent children. Dependent. Not 25 year old children who have already moved out years ago. Yes he loves his child and loves spending time with them. I love my parents and I love spending time with them. And I'd happily have one parent living with me when the other passes away. But I wouldn't think it was fair to move my parent in indefinitely without full awareness of the arrangement or explicit agreement of my husband. As I understand that having someone living with you, has an impact, even when they're easy to live with etc. I find it weird when there are threads about 'should my widowed mother in law expect to come on holiday with us' 'should I tell my husbands aunt that she can't move next door to us' and the answers are always 'you need to prioritise your own relationship / little family'...but on this thread you're expected to not even raise the subject with your husband about another adult living with you indefinitely

Also, in a marriage you should be able to have an honest conversation with someone without putting them in an awkward position or worrying about it. Surely it's fine to say to your husband that you have enjoyed seeing his son more and you can see he has as well, but you weren't expecting it to be indefinitely and ask what timescales he was thinking of. I don't understand how that could be an issue. Having an adult living in the same space as a married couple, does impact the married couple, even if the reasons are understandable

I had at least one of my step children living with us for over 20 years. In fact my stepdaughter moved in with me before her father did. They were the definition of boomerang children. Even if the one not physically living with us they always seemed to be living just round the corner. The only way I got my 30 year old step son to move out was to move to Milton Keynes. They all did eventually follow us and buy houses round the corner.

It is part and parcel of being with someone who has kids but it is hard trying to carve out some alone time to be a couple but it must be much harder with an adult child. I used to tell them that we were having a date night and all that entailed. They always found somewhere else to be that night.

For all my moaning to their face I loved it and would not have changed a moment of it.

Two adults live there though, it's not purely the father's decision.

I know but she hasn't spoken up and I doubt it would go down well.

Why is the crux of the problem.
If he cant see it’s not ok to not involve his wife in a decision that affects her, in a house that’s hers too, then the OP has a much bigger issue at hand.

He won't know she has an issue unless she speaks up.

Which is what she is literally considering, given the title of this thread.

Fgs! Behave........

😁 😁 😁

No, it isn't at all

Wow, judgemental much! I think that judging anyone on that sort of criteria - age, colour, sex, race etc - is what is grim, when they are both consenting adults.