Is she being a CF or do I need to pay for the full journey?

[straighttalker99]

Yesterday, I wrote a thread about going away with a work 'friend' and had a bit of a bad time. I decided to leave early, and paid for a £90 train fare home. When she drove us to the work event, it ended up being a 6 hour trip. When we arrived, I offered her £40 which I thought would be more than enough for my share. She rejected and said I just fill up on the way back. That's fine I thought.

She text me yesterday very bluntly with the figure of £51.25 with her bank details.I told her surely it would be half of that as I only travelled with her one way up. Her logic is that because we agreed I would fill up on the way back, I should fill up, even though she didn't take me home.

I'm more than happy to pay the £40 for her taking me to the work event, as I believe that covered well over half of our journey, (even with the roadworks) but should I pay the amount she has quoted, even though she didn't take me home?

@ACatAsleepInYourHat for me, it is yeah.

Genuinely, I wouldn't dream of asking anyone for the full amount if I didn't take them home, but that's just me.

To be honest I recently drove 3h30 and the full tank went down to half. Spent £30 filling it back up. A 6 hour journey would probably have been around £50.

I think it’s only fair. There is no point squabbling over £11. Had you got a train up there and not the lift it would have cost you £180 in total (maybe less if you booked in advance).

To be honest…I agree with her. You agreed to it and then changed your mind.

This!

Maybe your finances are better than hers.

Maybe she is sulking at the long journey home alone.

Anyway. You ought to pay her. You agreed to a full tank and that is what is owed.

If she’s self employed through a limited company, then she can claim the mileage costs from her own company, reducing her profits and paying less CT.

It was a six hour trip so I’d imagine a fair distance

Pay the £51 - it was your choice to return early but you had agreed to share costs.

She won’t be able to claim the mileage from an employer as she is the employer - it will reduce her tax liability

@KievLoverTwo they aren't. She owns several properties and is quite comfortable. She is just extremely money conscious - which is fine. Recently found out she did something similar to somebody else when she pulled out of an event, and expected her money back for a deposit. Again, I wouldn't dream of asking as the organiser had planned the event for several months.

I've paid her.

For 11 quid I would pay it. I would mark her cards in my mind for future such events. Its not worth a blow up over 11 quid. Some people are really funny about money and do everything to the penny, others would have waived the entire fare knowing you spent 90 quid on the train back. Out of my friends I know which ones are which, some friends I can pay for an entire night out knowing they will do the same at some point. Others, I woukd have to split it exactly down the middle as we pay for things as they would freak out about me or them owing the other one 2 quid.

£51 in fuel for 12 hours of travelling, including roadworks?!

I agree with this.

Not exactly the same thing, but it makes me think of people who book a table at a busy restaurant and then change their mind and just don't turn up - then get terribly offended at the expectation for them to pay for what the place could reasonably have expected to take (having turned away other customers for that table), because "we didn't eat any food".

People make plans and calculations based on what all parties have agreed in advance - you can't just bail at the last minute and expect them to foot your share, even if you did miss out on something or paid a lot of money for an alternative elsewhere.

Well done, OP, I think you made the right call. As for your friendship going forward, that's entirely up to you, based on whichever factors are at play - but it shouldn't be linked to this one agreement.

Now youve paid her, next time you travel together just refuse & get yourself there. You should of only paid half.

If you do end up paying anything, make sure you get a proper receipt from her.

@SprayWhiteDung it's linked to a few factors and personally, I don't want to be close friends with someone who is so petty about money down to the last penny. This happened a lot over the time we were together. That's just me though.

Depends if she was an arsehole to you causing you to have to get the train home to avoid 6 hours of awkwardness in a car with her.
If it was that I would say ‘I had to pay for the train home as I couldn’t travel with you after what happened, I will forward you £20 as half of one journey. This trip has cost me £110 including train fare.’

What happened that you needed to make your own way home - apologies if you have said, but I couldnt see it

Agree with this.

Really? A receipt between friends/associates for an informal agreement to share paying for fuel?

As part of my job, I process expense claims - but even then, people aren't expected to produce a receipt when it's for mileage, precisely because it's nigh on impossible to isolate the exact amount paid for fuel for one exact journey.

Fair enough - and it's entirely up to you. There's no point whatsoever staying friends with somebody if you don't actually like them and/or they don't behave in a way that you feel a friend should.

However, if you're just talking about this one isolated case - the journey to this meeting - she might have thought that you were being petty about money by not paying half of the fuel for the agreed round trip (let alone a contribution to tax, insurance, maintenance etc.)!

I left because of her. I don't know if I mentioned that or not. She was extremely loud and rather irritating. Banging about at night whilst I tried to sleep etc. Interrupting me mid-sentence so I felt i couldn't really hold a conversation, or what I was saying didn't matter. She took over spaces in the apartment, even though she had the largest room which I told her to have as she had driven us.

I was also going through a tough personal situation so was upset and she knew this and I just felt really suffocated as she didn't seem to have much respect.

Then she asked for a full car journey worth of petrol which topped if off.

@straighttalker99 I've just read your post from yesterday. Penny pinching can go both ways.
I'd send her the £40 you offered with no message. If/when she queries it just say obvs it cost you £90 to leave early because you couldn't tolerate sharing space with her any longer so your original offer is more than fair. She will be setting the whole travel cost at 45p mile as expenses anyway and won't declare your contribution, so she's well in profit overall.

I can see it both ways…but since it’s only £11 you two disagree about, I’d just pay what she had quoted

I regularly do 6 hour car journeys and it's 3/4 of my tank each way so 51 sounds about right for half the trip. Obviously depends on her car but is guess she filled up for the way there and expected you to fill for the way back.

I agree she’d be a bit of a cf but she’s not going to save the friendship and we’re talking £50 not hundreds. Whatever happened she felt strongly enough to leave. Maybe I’m assuming her reasons were valid - not read the other thread.

NO way should you give her the new demanded sum. Pay her what was agreed and tell her to go and do one!