AIBU not letting my friend stay over

[Silentwhisper93]

Hi all. I’m a mum to one in my late twenties. My best friend is similar age and no children. My friend lived with her ex for a while but now lives with a friend who she help care for her and her children, she currently sleeps on the sofa. But in all fairness she doesn’t do anything to change her circumstances. Anyway, she’s always asking to stay at my house. I hate people sleeping at my house and I hate staying at others. When my little one goes to bed and after work me and my partner just like to relax and do our own thing. Sometimes I give in and let her stay and she stays on the sofa but we both are up early for work and when our dc wakes up I don’t feel like I can walk around freely. We’re going to an event one night and I’ll be child free so after this I just want to go home and relax in my own company in silence 😂 but she’s asked to stay and I feel like I’ve exhausted all my excuses. I do admit I am a people pleaser and don’t want to hurt her feelings. Am I being unreasonable not letting her stay? And what should I say to her?

I hope I don’t sound like a terrible friend but at the end of the day I’m exhausted and need to wind down

You are not being unreasonable in not wanting her to stay. If your excuses haven't worked you might have to be a bit more direct ( I would find this tricky)

Nope. You need some alone time after the event.

Tell her that doesn't work for you. If she pushes, just say I already said no.

You don't have to explain.

She could be looking for a new place to sleep.

Just say no. If she persists say no, it doesn’t work for me. After that you just repeat as the pp said: I’ve told you no. End of.

No can be a complete sentence, you don’t need to explain why you want to relax in your own home with your own company. I suspect she is pushing because the friend she is currently sofa surfing with wants some alone time but that’s not your problem, stick to your guns.

You dont need excuses

Prepare a phrase and stick with it. Keep repeating every time she asks

Stop giving reasons / excuses. "I dont feel like it, maybe another time"

"It's not convenient" is all you need to say.

You don't have to keep coming up with excuses.

Can you not say “I just don’t like anyone staying over, it’s nothing personal. That particular night I especially want to be alone as it’s a rare childfree night.”

Just tell her your looking forward to a good night sleep with no child, or be blunt and say you & your partner arent keen on people staying.

Just say It's obviously kinky couple sec night as you are child free 😂 or just tell her no, you want a night to yourself where you can be alone in your own home. That's reason enough

She does know I hate people staying but she thinks because we are close she’s the exception! I’m looking forward to sitting on my sofa with a tea I can drink hot and watching my trash the morning after 😂😂

I think she is very cheeky asking to stay over at your house tbh.

And if she is cheeky enough to ask then I don't see why you have yto give excuses: just tell her the truth that it's not personal but you value your own private space.

Obviously occasions may arise where it would be unreasonable for her not to stay but it should be down to you to offer and not her to ask.

Who’s crash someone’s child free night!

id say “sorry no, me and husband haven’t had a date night in ages”

I’d say ‘ my partner has asked me to make sure we are alone.
also Send her links to spare room . Com or rentals ..

Just say that!! Say you really need this one child free night/morning.

Stick to your guns. You’ll feel so much better after you have done this. You deserve your own space. Be straightforward with it.

I don’t think you make a specific excuse/reason as there will always be a next time…

its a child free night, how cheeky of her to ask to stay. Im a people pleaser and even Id have not problem saying no to this. Also, once you say no it will be easier next time....

Just stick to your guns, and say no. It’s cheeky for her to ask, and don’t worry about her feelings.

What is she going to sort herself out. She can’t sofa surf forever. I wonder if the other friend is getting fed up of her crashing as well. Maybe every time she asks, reply with a question. Ie,

friend ‘hi can I crash at your place Tuesday night?’
sikentwhisp ‘how are your plans going in finding somewhere to live yet?’ Etc

I think you need to be straight with her.

”Friend, you know what I’m like about people staying and I hate to keep putting you off. The truth is I think you need to find some comfortable permanent place to live for your own security, and I don’t feel obliged to have you stay at ours when I don’t really have space. You know I will always be there for you in a crisis and it’s not personal. It just doesn’t work with early morning work, the baby etc”

She needs to take her life into her own hands instead of relying on friends.

Put it simply

Sorry doesn't work

I have a friend hoping to stay in Oct and I'm so worried about how to turn her turn

Last time I caved and paid for a hotel for her for three nights
My house was a mess
She is judgmental

She hates tvs
My anxiety is through the rough worrying about what she will say

But today I just thought fck it

It doesn't suit

See you soon

This is the message o will be sending
I have hosted her maybe 6 times and now
I have no more guilt

Just say exactly that. Her friend is obviously getting pissed off with her staying there, why is she spending money she cant afford rather finding somewhere to live?

Never offer someone a bed for the night if they don't already have their own.

A "oh sorry, cant... anyway how's it going at 's home at the moment,?"

You don't need an excuse. It is your home.

And I'm all for kindness, and you have let her stay previous times.