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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you were meeting a 3 month old baby and your child had a cold, would you let the parents know beforehand ?

32 replies

ohbebbe · 07/09/2025 07:40

Due to meet up with a friend and meet her little girl for the first time. She’s around 3 months old.

my son has a cold. No fever, just snotty and coughing and sneezing.

I think it’s common courtesy to let my friend know that my son isn’t well and to let her decide if she wants to meet up with us. We are going for lunch at a restaurant.

my husband thinks I’m OTT. I won’t be offended if she’d rather not meet.

last year my little one had a fever on his birthday and I let another friend who was supposed to be coming with her son ( they were both 2 ) and she opted out of coming. I totally understand.

I would have been a bit put out if someone came to meet my baby and brought a snotty child without telling me.

what does everyone think ?

like I said, my husband thinks I’m being OTT. But he wouldn’t have been the one up all night for days with a sick child ! I know viruses can’t be avoided, but sometimes, when someone is actively ill- you can actually avoid it!

OP posts:
Original poster
ohbebbe · 07/09/2025 07:41

My son is 5 btw.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 07/09/2025 07:41

Tell them let them make the call. Your right

LoafofSellotape · 07/09/2025 07:41

I wouldn't take a snotty child to see a baby, you're right.

QueenMummyTheFirst · 07/09/2025 07:42

Yes, i would, I agree with you

Teaandbutteredscones · 07/09/2025 07:43

Yes you should definitely tell her.

DeliciouslyBaked · 07/09/2025 07:43

With my first DC, i would definitely have wanted to have known (plus she had been NICU baby - we were very cautious). With my second, id have been less bothered as DD1 was constantly bringing bugs home from nursery anyway. Id tell your friend and let her make the call.

Couldn't your DH stay at home with your DS and you meet your friend on your own?

2chocolateoranges · 07/09/2025 07:43

you are in the right, any person with common sense would do that.

if one of us are loaded with the cold we give friends the option of postponing a meet up. I’m loaded with the cold just now and postponed a catch up with a friend this weekend as I don’t want to pass it on .

SparklyGlitterballs · 07/09/2025 07:43

Yes I would tell them and let them decide.

Mydustymonstera · 07/09/2025 07:44

Can u meet your friend yourself and leave 5yr old with his dad? He’ll probably be not himself and not really enjoy a restaurant lunch

Overthebow · 07/09/2025 07:45

Yes tell her, cold can be much worse for young babies.

Emsie1987 · 07/09/2025 07:45

Yes you need to tell her. It’s common decency whether it’s a baby or not. I wouldn’t want to meet another adult who had a bad cold either. Especially if you can rearrange. No point being ill and making life harder

Peacepleaselouise · 07/09/2025 07:45

If the unbroken rule seems to be if baby has older siblings, then don’t worry about it. Baby is in amongst the toddler/school germs mix anyway and parents likely not worried about this.

If baby is a first child, then tell them.

Peacepleaselouise · 07/09/2025 07:46

The unwritten… not unbroken rule!

NameChange23456790 · 07/09/2025 07:46

Yes deffo I would I cancel myself to be honest

Anewuser · 07/09/2025 07:48

It’s common courtesy.

Let her make the decision.

Surely people understand what vulnerable means since covid? A new baby is vulnerable in the same way an old person or medically unwell person.

You sound very sensible OP and I’m sure the new mum will appreciate you thinking of her baby’s health.

autienotnaughty · 07/09/2025 07:48

I would tell them some people are easy going others not so much.. I’d probably postpone or could you get a babysitter.

DappledThings · 07/09/2025 07:48

It's the kind of thing I would probably mention to someone else but I wouldn't be bothered if someone didn’t mention it to me. So no, it's not OTT but it's not a big deal to not either.

Yellowrose225588 · 07/09/2025 07:49

Yes, I would tell her and say that it’s up to her but you’re happy to cancel. I’ve had friends accept the cancellation in similar circumstances so people do appreciate it. When my younger one was a baby his older sister brought back all kinds of viruses from nursery (unavoidable) and he got pretty poorly, so I wouldn’t expose a baby unless necessary.

Butterflysunshine01 · 07/09/2025 07:50

I’d be so annoyed if I met up with someone and they came out with a cold , baby is so young at 3 months!

Imisscoffee2021 · 07/09/2025 07:51

Yes I would, my friends and I still give a heads up with our toddlers too as sometimes people have travel plans so an illness would make those extra tricky, with a practical newborn baby I'd say it's very necessary to let them know so they can cancel. Especially if its a first born baby, as it'll have no siblings bringing in germs from nursery etc.

IwasatClaines · 07/09/2025 07:52

Definitely tell her and let her make the choice.

Original poster
ohbebbe · 07/09/2025 07:52

yeah to be honest I would also tell the parents of children the same age if we had arranged a play date or something like that.

OP posts:
breakdown98765 · 07/09/2025 07:52

I’d leave your son with your husband. Don’t put your friend under pressure to say yes.

Abthdust · 07/09/2025 07:52

My friends (as adults) let me know (as a healthy adult) if they have a cold before we meet. I don't have health anxiety or anything -- this is common politeness in my world (and I do the same). I always say I don't mind BUT it is courtesy to let the person you are meeting know if you have a cold. I suspect we did it less before COVID but now ... we are all carers for vulnerable people I suppose and life gets very complicated if we are ill, so that may be why.

PigletSanders · 07/09/2025 08:16

A snotty child put my baby in intensive care on a breathing tube, so yeah, I’m with you OP.