Not sure what to make of my husband's comment?

Sjb85 · 2025-09-07T03:41:35+00:00

Sorry, this is a bit crude but I'm not sure how to take my husband's comment? We're laying in bed and he turned to me and said "Well there's no point in it being hard babe if you're not going to suck it". He then tried to guide my head under the covers. I got cross and he said it was just just a light hearted joke. I'm not sure if I've overreacted by getting pissed off but currently sleeping in the spare bedroom away from him.

whoboo · 07/09/2025 04:50

Well you obviously didn't like it, so that's valid. Were you engaging in relations at the time, or was it apropos of nothing?

Could an indicator of how he sees you, or a clumsy comment. You know him

Maloneyb · 07/09/2025 04:52

YANBU. Could you add more context - was it out the blue? Randomly just said that or was it during a moment?
Regardless, you have every right to be upset with him forcing your head down.

whoboo · 07/09/2025 04:57

TBF if I actually liked them, I really don't think this would be offensive.

Chiseltip · 07/09/2025 05:15

Yeah OP, a massive overreaction.

Presumably you've seen your own husbands cock before, and probably even sucked it before . . .

arcticpandas · 07/09/2025 05:17

🤮 how disgusting. You're supposed to be his wife not his fucking whore willing to "get to work" as soon as he's got a hard on. Grim.

Thepossibility · 07/09/2025 05:33

I'd be mad, I'm not a sex toy to be used at my DH leisure. So disrespectful.

nomas · 07/09/2025 05:35

What a knobhead. It wasn’t even funny if it was a joke.

Zanatdy · 07/09/2025 06:17

Pretty rude, especially pushing your head.

Wherehaveallthegoodmengone · 07/09/2025 06:19

I don’t think much of his seduction techniques. Is he usually so crass?

Auroraloves · 07/09/2025 06:20

The pushing your head down is vile. 🤢

JMSA · 07/09/2025 06:22

I mean, it’s not great. But you overreacted completely, unless this is just part of a bigger issue.

Silverbirchleaf · 07/09/2025 06:22

The comment wouldn’t bother me, but the pushing of the head is a step to far.

curious79 · 07/09/2025 06:23

Context is everything here

out of the blue? Horrendous, pervy, selfish (though men can be a bit like this - it’s hard so I should use it)

midst of activity - crass dirty talk?

BrendaSmall · 07/09/2025 06:28

Babe 🤢🤢

Pushing your head down was out of order!
as for calling you babe 🤢 ick!

What were you doing at the time when he was hard?

Eagle2025 · 07/09/2025 06:30

Your husband wanted a bj. I'm guessing your not really into giving oral which is why he felt the need to be more direct. Has this been an issue between you for a while?

Ilovelurchers · 07/09/2025 06:37

If I was really into him and loved sex with him I would find this kind of comment erotic in it's directness (provided there was no actual pressure to have sex behind it, and he was perfectly amenable if I declined). You say "guide your head," agàin i think that's OK as long as zero force was involved and he stopped as soon as you made it clear you didn't want to. It's just like a slightly dirtier form of kissing your neck/putting your hand on his cock, really....

If I wasn't really into him and didn't love sex with him I would be looking to leave the relationship, as I don't think it's fair to stay with someone you are indifferent to/slightly repulsed by.

However, that's just me. Context is everything. If you have previously told him you hate dirty talk, hate sucking his cock and/or hate being called "babe", you have a point being annoyed with him.

Be careful though. What would you think of a man who made his female partner sleep in the spare room because she tried to initiate sex? I accept that the genders aren't exactly equivalent here, as men are a lot less likely to feel sexual threat from us..... But still. See, that way round it sounds a bit emotionally abusive to me. He asked for sex. Potentially in a crass way, but still.... And now he's sleeping in the spare room.

Also he mindful what this may do to your relationship long term. NEVER have sex you don't want, of course. But also please try to avoid making your partner feel bad for wanting it.......

ReplacementBusService · 07/09/2025 06:42

Agree it is all about context here. This could either be funny or sexy (either way needs to feel that way for both of you), f-ing annoying or a bit disturbing. What's the context?

Venturini · 07/09/2025 06:50

Ilovelurchers · 07/09/2025 06:37

If I was really into him and loved sex with him I would find this kind of comment erotic in it's directness (provided there was no actual pressure to have sex behind it, and he was perfectly amenable if I declined). You say "guide your head," agàin i think that's OK as long as zero force was involved and he stopped as soon as you made it clear you didn't want to. It's just like a slightly dirtier form of kissing your neck/putting your hand on his cock, really....

If I wasn't really into him and didn't love sex with him I would be looking to leave the relationship, as I don't think it's fair to stay with someone you are indifferent to/slightly repulsed by.

However, that's just me. Context is everything. If you have previously told him you hate dirty talk, hate sucking his cock and/or hate being called "babe", you have a point being annoyed with him.

Be careful though. What would you think of a man who made his female partner sleep in the spare room because she tried to initiate sex? I accept that the genders aren't exactly equivalent here, as men are a lot less likely to feel sexual threat from us..... But still. See, that way round it sounds a bit emotionally abusive to me. He asked for sex. Potentially in a crass way, but still.... And now he's sleeping in the spare room.

Also he mindful what this may do to your relationship long term. NEVER have sex you don't want, of course. But also please try to avoid making your partner feel bad for wanting it.......

She is the one sleeping in the spare room.

That would absolutely gross me out. And fwiw I have a high sex drive and enjoy oral sex.

Account734 · 07/09/2025 07:06

Guide your head under the covers, what the fuck? Does he always shove your head down when he wants his cock sucked?

PigletSanders · 07/09/2025 08:13

Eagle2025 · 07/09/2025 06:30

Your husband wanted a bj. I'm guessing your not really into giving oral which is why he felt the need to be more direct. Has this been an issue between you for a while?

So you think physically pushing her head was ok, do you?

Jesus, raise your bar.

Eagle2025 · 07/09/2025 08:23

PigletSanders · 07/09/2025 08:13

So you think physically pushing her head was ok, do you?

Jesus, raise your bar.

Show quote history

She didnt say he pushed her head. It's like he could take her hand and guide it. If she doesnt want to she doesnt have to but for this kind of reaction I'm guessing there are issues in their relationship.

Notmyreality · 07/09/2025 08:25

Without context its impossible to comment properly.

GabriellaMontez · 07/09/2025 08:25

The line could be just a shit joke.

Its the 'guided my head' bit thats disgusting.

TY78910 · 07/09/2025 08:26

PigletSanders · 07/09/2025 08:13

So you think physically pushing her head was ok, do you?

Jesus, raise your bar.

Show quote history

She said ‘guide’. That’s not pushing.

Everyone’s intimacy style is different. There is nothing wrong with a bit of dirty more direct talk. Equally not being in to it as also okay. Telling him you’re not in to it is okay. Going on to the spare bedroom is an overreaction - you’re punishing him for wanting him to have sex with you, even though he had a clumsy way of initiating it.

MyAcornWood · 07/09/2025 08:28

I expect this is indicative of much more extensive wider relationship problems where you feel used an taken for granted?
If I apply this situation to my own relationship, a happy, respectful one, I’d probably just laugh and either go with it if I wanted or tell him to fuck off, but he’s never made me feel like he doesn’t respect me.