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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not sure what to make of my husband's comment?

35 replies

Sjb85 · 07/09/2025 04:41

Sorry, this is a bit crude but I'm not sure how to take my husband's comment?

We're laying in bed and he turned to me and said "Well there's no point in it being hard babe if you're not going to suck it". He then tried to guide my head under the covers.

I got cross and he said it was just just a light hearted joke. I'm not sure if I've overreacted by getting pissed off but currently sleeping in the spare bedroom away from him.

OP posts:
Calamitousness · 07/09/2025 08:32

I don’t get the over reaction either. I’m assuming it was done jokingly but without force. It’s perfectly normal and ok to have sex/give a BJ/hand job etc to your husband and it’s ok for him to ask for it and it’s ok for you to ask for it. Just like if I guide my husbands hand or head to me. He’s been there before and I know we like sex with each other and we trust each other and if he or I say no then that’s the end of it. I’m really missing why this is so horrifying. Did you refuse and he pressured you?

Bryantpark · 07/09/2025 08:33

Chiseltip · 07/09/2025 05:15

Yeah OP, a massive overreaction.

Presumably you've seen your own husbands cock before, and probably even sucked it before . . .

Sigh

It's the taking her head and trying to push it towards his dick that's the problem. Obviously.

Ratafia · 07/09/2025 08:44

whoboo · 07/09/2025 04:57

TBF if I actually liked them, I really don't think this would be offensive.

Seriously? You don't think you're entitled to expect your partner to make a bit of an effort to get you in the mood?

Sera1989 · 07/09/2025 08:49

I wouldn’t like this at all. The “no point” bit would make me feel like it’s my job to satisfy him whenever he wants. The guiding the head bit would make me feel I’m a sex toy

yikesss · 07/09/2025 08:50

How long have you been together? Is this the first time he has acted like this?

Ratafia · 07/09/2025 08:50

Ilovelurchers · 07/09/2025 06:37

If I was really into him and loved sex with him I would find this kind of comment erotic in it's directness (provided there was no actual pressure to have sex behind it, and he was perfectly amenable if I declined). You say "guide your head," agàin i think that's OK as long as zero force was involved and he stopped as soon as you made it clear you didn't want to. It's just like a slightly dirtier form of kissing your neck/putting your hand on his cock, really....

If I wasn't really into him and didn't love sex with him I would be looking to leave the relationship, as I don't think it's fair to stay with someone you are indifferent to/slightly repulsed by.

However, that's just me. Context is everything. If you have previously told him you hate dirty talk, hate sucking his cock and/or hate being called "babe", you have a point being annoyed with him.

Be careful though. What would you think of a man who made his female partner sleep in the spare room because she tried to initiate sex? I accept that the genders aren't exactly equivalent here, as men are a lot less likely to feel sexual threat from us..... But still. See, that way round it sounds a bit emotionally abusive to me. He asked for sex. Potentially in a crass way, but still.... And now he's sleeping in the spare room.

Also he mindful what this may do to your relationship long term. NEVER have sex you don't want, of course. But also please try to avoid making your partner feel bad for wanting it.......

Come off it, OP hasn't made her partner sleep in the spare room, she's moved herself there. And it's not "just because he wanted to initiate sex" but the way he chose to do it, which was to try to pressurise OP into being his personal sex toy.

Missj25 · 07/09/2025 08:55

Sjb85 · 07/09/2025 04:41

Sorry, this is a bit crude but I'm not sure how to take my husband's comment?

We're laying in bed and he turned to me and said "Well there's no point in it being hard babe if you're not going to suck it". He then tried to guide my head under the covers.

I got cross and he said it was just just a light hearted joke. I'm not sure if I've overreacted by getting pissed off but currently sleeping in the spare bedroom away from him.

Need more info
if you have a happy , & your comfortable with your husband , I don’t see the big deal , it’s sexy talk ..
You don’t sound like you have that kind of relationship at all to be honest , especially as you have gone off to spare room !

mmmarmalade · 07/09/2025 10:44

How long have you been together? Clearly you're not in the same wavelength - how can that be? How can he either not understand what horse play, humour, banter you will accept? Is he just pushing your boundaries to see what he can get away with/what you'll put up with? You should be asking "how far does he take want to go with this?" - What's he got in mind? Something he hasn't discussed with you, something you don't know about? I'd want to get to the root of it before letting him get away with anything. I'd make an issue of if it until you know exactly where the two of you stand on issues around fantasies, acting them out, attitudes around sex and consent, etc. If you misjudge something you do it say most people would immediately try and apologies and to put things right - has he tried to do this?

DinaofCloud9 · 07/09/2025 10:47

What do you mean you're not sure how to take his comment? Is it not obvious what he wanted?

Eagle2025 · 07/09/2025 11:42

Oh do come back OP 🙄

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