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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to not pick up my neighbours kid from school?

69 replies

BabyBurrito · 06/09/2025 22:25

Hi, need some advice here please.

My DS and one of my neighbours DD are in the same class at school (Yr 3). We only moved here a year ago when they were both in Yr 2 and at first everything was nice, the kids used to play outside together, go between houses for 30 mins now and again. All fine, neighbours DD seems a sweet kid.

Then one morning before school I got a knock at the front door and the neighbours DD is on the front door step by herself asking if I can take her to school as mum said it was an emergency. The neighbour had recently had a DS who had been quite poorly recently so of course I said that’s fine, does your mum know you’re here etc. She said yes and I made her breakfast as she said her mum hadn’t made her any, as her dad wasn’t home. Again I thought the LO was sick or in hospital so didn’t think much of it. Then my neighbour appeared and asked if her DD was there (?!) and if I could take her to school too. I said yes and asked if everything was ok, she gave me a weird look and said yes then left. I don’t know why but I got a weird vibe from the whole thing and on the way to school her DD said her mum didn’t make her breakfast when her dad wasn’t there, only dad made her breakfast (?!) and her baby brother was fine.

After that the neighbour kept sending her DD down to play after school with my DS, always at our house, but I work at home and was essentially supervising two pretty active 7 year olds whilst also trying to work, so I started saying no because I was working, and she then stopped speaking to me for a few months and kept giving me really dirty looks when she saw me.

then suddenly last week a knock came to our front door about 40 mins before school pick up and she asked if I was going to school to collect my DS, I said no as he was in wraparound as I was working. I asked if everything was ok and again she gave me a really dirty look and said everything’s ok. Her DH then came back to their house, around school finish time with their DD, so he must have been local so not sure why she asked me?!

Later that day my DH said that he saw her come back home in the car with her DS (now a toddler) and he ran way from the car (not a public road, it’s inside an estate and away from any traffic so no safety concern) and she lifted her DS off the ground by the arm whilst shouting at him and carried him like that back as he was crying, my DH said he was really shocked at how aggressive and angry she was and that it wasn’t right and she was lucky she didn’t hurt him.

im now at the stage that I don’t want anything to do with this woman or her DD in my house, even though the DD is a lovely little girl. To be honest my instinct is there is something really off with her (the neighbour) and she gives me bad vibes so much that I don’t want my DS in her home. I often hear her DS screaming whilst her DD is at school, as if he has been left alone, even though her car is there.

i know she will ask me again to pick up her DS and I don’t want to, but they are literally the same class.

I feel like an asshole but I want to say no as I just feel there is something not right in that house. I don’t want them to play together anymore either tbh.

There are other things too but too much to post here, it’s an essay already, sorry!

OP posts:
ARichtGoodDram · 07/09/2025 09:58

Get your DH to report the incident. He was the witness and that makes it carry more weight than a "someone else told me" report.

BabyBurrito · 07/09/2025 10:00

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 07/09/2025 09:28

The safeguarding lead for the school is likely on their website so you can ask to speak to them directly

I think you're doing the right thing in general keeping your distance and having boundaries as it sounds like she will take the piss. However i do feel sorry for the daughter - you say she is nice, she is potentially not being fed, and you don't want your son playing with her, over issues that aren't her fault. Your house could be the only place she sees a normal family. If your child gets on with her I'd try and continue to have her over so you can keep an eye, make sure she is sometimes fed etc, although appreciate you don't have to and it is likely to lead to more requests

This is the internal conflict I am having, the kid is lovely and I would like to offer her that safe space if there is something amiss. But also equally very worried about the mother and her behaviour/gossiping - she has sent the little girl up by herself several times for me to look after and then left her house for hours immediately after without telling me or giving me a chance to send the little girl back down to her house. One time I had her DD for nearly 3 hours one afternoon, as mum left and apparently “went to Tesco for a minute”. I have her DHs number but he didn’t pick up, so I made her food and just had to wait, in the meantime I had to take her with me to pick up DS as he was in wraparound, when her mum appeared back came back I said I was working at home and couldn’t essentially look after her kid while on the clock. Again very dirty look and attitude. After that I heard from another mum she had been making comments about me and my DH to others, about my DH specifically apparently as he is not originally from here. You get the picture.

So this is the issue I have with her and pushing back on boundaries, I am useless at that as it is. At the same time I am worried about the kids in that house. I am very conflicted.

OP posts:
LighthouseTeaCup · 07/09/2025 10:14

In relation to promoting/allowing a friendship between your child and the other child...
This is a horrible thing to say, and I may well get flamed, but I'm going to say it...

The children right now are young, but they will grow up. If there's something not right at home, and she remains there, with or without your support, there's a likelihood that she's going to express her pain and confusion at what life's thrown at her through some pretty poor behaviour. Do you want your son to be a close friend of hers at that point? At that stage when teens listen more to their friends than their parents. Your first job to to safeguard your child. And protect his best interests.

Definitely contact school again and social services to report your concerns. If you can help the girl without your son being involved and developing a close friendship with her then do that. But if you plan on staying in the area until your son is an adult, be cautious of the influences you put in his life

PrincessHoneysuckle · 07/09/2025 10:49

You need to report this

Shinyandnew1 · 07/09/2025 13:31

Again very dirty look and attitude. After that I heard from another mum she had been making comments about me and my DH to others, about my DH specifically apparently as he is not originally from here.

I wouldn't be doing her a single favour after this. She's treating you like her staff-don't let her.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 08/09/2025 18:29

She has been making comments about your DH around the school which you say are untrue. Who knows what she could make up about you next.

Unfortunately I think you should now stay as far away from her as you can. She could very well turn around and make false accusations against both of you, to counteract any investigation.

She's not grateful for any help you give her. With all the "looks" its clear she doesn't like you.

Therefore, hard though it must be, I think you should be very clear about keeping your distance from the whole family.

Report everything you and your DH have observed and your concerns to the relevant organisations and let the safeguarding teams deal with it.

Katywester · 08/09/2025 18:33

Report to social services for a welfare check

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 08/09/2025 18:34

In your situation, if she randomly sent her child to me and went out I think I'd call the police.

She's gone out and left a child outside alone. That's batshit, and neglect.

Does she even wait to see if you let her in before she buggers off? What if you weren't home / were in a meeting and ignored the door?!

ChampagneLassie · 08/09/2025 18:58

Please tell all appropriate bodies or social services etc, little kids need adults to look out for them. YANBU for raising concerns

Middlemarch123 · 08/09/2025 19:08

I’m an ex Safeguarding Lead OP, and I would definitely want to know about this. Please contact SL at school, outline clearly your concerns, keep your feelings and emotions out of it. Ask for their advice, they will react. They have to. Good luck

Spinmerightroundbaby · 08/09/2025 19:11

BabyBurrito · 06/09/2025 22:34

I have spoken to the principal before, and he brushed me off.

Although I didn’t see it the incident my DH saw makes my feel sick, I don’t know if I can contact social services.

I don’t want to be one of those neighbours with twitchy curtains by the DD is also very thin recently and to be honest I’m worried about her.

i don’t know if I’m overreacting, that’s why I’m on here.

i don’t have much tangible other than my instincts here.

Doesn’t really sound like instincts, just that you’ve taken a bit of a dislike to her because she’s been a CF. Sounds like the family is under stress. Personally I’d still be available occasionally as someone to help just in case - for the benefit of the kids if I was really that concerned about their welfare…

MummaMummaMumma · 08/09/2025 19:15

This needs to be given to safeguarding at the school. Email the office, so it cannot be brushed off. They will have to look into if it's in writing xx

Sassylovesbooks · 08/09/2025 19:34

Report to SS. If the school have dismissed your concerns, simply because the Dad organises school events and have the attitude of 'he couldn't possibly be that kind of person's then that's worrying. The safeguarding lead, should take any concerns raised to them seriously, regardless of who the person may be. It can be hard for people to envisage a parent they know, as someone who would knowingly allow a child to be abused or neglected. However, safeguarding training will tell you, that you can't think like that, you should always think it's possible.

coxesorangepippin · 08/09/2025 19:36

Red flag

Cheeky fucker extraordinaire

TrixieFatell · 08/09/2025 19:41

You saying about her lifting up her ds by his arm reminds me of Ethan Ives-Griffiths, his grandfather lifted him up by his arm. Your gut is telling you something isnt right, please report it. It's easy enough to do, I've done it. I may have got something wrong but I'd rather that then have got it right but not reported it.

BabyBurrito · 08/09/2025 19:49

Thanks everyone, have spoken to school this afternoon and have an appointment to speak to DP tomorrow morning who is safeguarding and pastoral care lead (my DS was sick today so had to wait until DH came home at lunch to go to school). I spoke to him briefly and he was concerned enough to bring me back tomorrow also. He seemed concerned and also not surprised which makes me wonder if someone else has flagged something before. This is not the principal who I spoke to last year who was very dismissive

I’ll see more tomorrow but just wanted to update and say thank you. As a few of you have said, better safe than sorry when it comes to little ones xx

OP posts:
Creu · 08/09/2025 19:56

I’m glad there is someone in the school who is keen to listen to your concerns. Heartbreaking really. Poor little girl.

EquinoxQueen · 08/09/2025 20:12

You have done the right thing talking to the safeguarding lead. They should have a process in place for escalation and the head should be ashamed that they dismissed it and didn’t deal with it appropriately. Some schools get downgraded by Ofsted for this sort of thing.

do distance yourself, hard when there is a sweet kid involved, but this is not your circus. You have done your absolutely best for those children.

PinkyFlamingo · 08/09/2025 20:32

You have done the right thing. Social services arent about tearing families apart but giving them the help they need

RoseAlone · 08/09/2025 20:42

There is much more important things going on here than you being inconvenienced by the school run. I would have though that that would be the least of your concerns and it's very alarming that it's not 🤨

Dawnb19 · 08/09/2025 20:56

Well done on speaking to the headmaster. Unfortunately children get neglected or abused far too often and people are too worried about being wrong or not concerned enough to report their worries.

Duechristmas · 08/09/2025 21:24

BabyBurrito · 06/09/2025 22:34

I have spoken to the principal before, and he brushed me off.

Although I didn’t see it the incident my DH saw makes my feel sick, I don’t know if I can contact social services.

I don’t want to be one of those neighbours with twitchy curtains by the DD is also very thin recently and to be honest I’m worried about her.

i don’t know if I’m overreacting, that’s why I’m on here.

i don’t have much tangible other than my instincts here.

You can. You might be the final piece of a puzzle.

autienotnaughty · 08/09/2025 21:45

Glad school is taking it seriously. With regard to her asking just say ‘sorry we are busy or sorry I’m working.” Every time

Jorge14 · 08/09/2025 21:49

If she asks you to take her to school again just say no, you don’t need to explain yourself but if the little girl knocks without her mum it’s more tricky, you’ll have to take her back home, she will get the message eventually. You’ll prob get a few more dirty looks mind you.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/09/2025 21:59

BabyBurrito · 06/09/2025 22:37

I have but they were very dismissive. I’ll speak to them again but don’t know if it’s better to speak to others also, as I felt like they just ignored me. The DH organises a lot of stuff for the school and maybe they don’t want to rock the boat is my worry

That reminds me of when my DS was being bullied by the child of a real “pillar of the community” family - parents did a lot for the school and church and gave lots of money from their business, and school just didn’t want to know about the bullying, and were
really dismissive.

Funnily enough, the bully leaving the school to go private made a huge difference to my DS’s entire experience of primary.

In your shoes OP I’d speak to social services or someone similar (pp’s probably have given / will give you the name of the right team). If there’s nothing going on / no problem then nothing will come of it.