To think I don’t have a alcohol problem

[Boingyboingy]

So I do tend to drink everyday. Never to the point of not being able to walk, being sick etc. I don’t wake up and crave it, I just crave the feeling of being chilled out and being able to deal with stress better. DH thinks I am an alcoholic and has been going mad at me

How would you know whether she has a problem or what the state of her liver is?

OP is avoiding the question of how much she is drinking a day.

I wrote my thesis on polyphenols.
They are available from many other food sources. The negative effects of alcohol - which is toxic - won't be balanced out by the positive effects of polyphenols.

I'm not the booze police btw, I do drink, just not much and not very often.
The fact that alcohol is toxic cannot be denied.

Well everyone else seems to have an opinion on the state of her liver and if she has a problem or not so why can't I ??!!!

Or is po-faced abstinence the only acceptable opinion?! 🙃

Yes but alcohol is enjoyable!

Alcoholic here (though I’m 2.5 years sober now). If your Dh thinks you have a problem and the one day a week you don’t drink is the day he’s home, then realistically you probably are at the very least causing issues for him and a little bit hiding your drinking. Even if say you don’t drink on Sundays because you are occupied with other things, it sounds like you’re trying to distract yourself so you don’t drink in front of him.

What’s your drinking like on the days you do drink? Drinking is progressive. It never gets more normal once it’s gotten problematic. When I was your age, late 20s, I was drinking socially like everyone else around me. It wasn’t every day. By the time I was 42 and quit, I was drinking 3 bottles of wine every single day. I had no problem giving up when I got pregnant. I had my last baby at 37. Never drank in any of my pregnancies. I did though spend my last mat leave hauling bottles of wine around in my changing bag so I could drink in the playground from a little tea flask.

I actually didn’t even have trouble quitting when I quit. I didn’t go to rehab or detox or AA. I just quit. Quitting was fine. It was drinking where I had the problem! I did all sorts of stupid dangerous things while drinking. I wasn’t very enjoyable to be around. I wasted loads of money. I think I worked out that in like 18 months of not drinking I’d saved £9000. 😳 I wasn’t very enjoyable also miserable and anxious and stuck at home doing nothing but drinking and unproductive at work. It was no way to live.

I think if you have to ask if you have a drinking problem and other people are saying they’re worried about you, then you probably have a drinking problem. I don’t think the word alcoholic is very helpful, though I use it myself. You don’t have to be physically addicted to alcohol to have a problem with it. Sometimes it just makes your life more shit than it should be.

I wrote my thesis on polyphenols, which are found in grapes amongst many other foodstuffs. Polyphenols are often the reason people cite red wine as being 'good for you'.

I realise the article you linked is about champagne, not red wine.
Did you read it all?

This is an excerpt:
But before you pop a cork in celebration, a word of caution: alcohol remains a complex and often contradictory player in heart health. Other large-scale studies suggest a U-shaped relationship between alcohol and cardiovascular disease. Non-drinkers may have a certain level of risk, moderate drinkers of one glass of wine a day may see some benefit, but heavy drinking sharply increases the risk of high blood pressure, stroke and heart failure.

One observational study involving over 400,000 participants even found that moderate drinking could raise the risk of arrhythmias, which in some cases can lead to sudden death.

moderate drinkers of one glass of wine a day may see some benefit

This was me about 7-8 years ago. I would probably sink 5 bottles a week, more if I could have afforded it. One bottle would barely hit the sides, and it crept toward 1.5 bottles sometimes daily. I was in an abusive relationship with a child, I was functional in that I had a job and friends and family but I would often feel groggy and anxious in the mornings.

I had to switch to a different SSRI and I could
no longer drink in large quantities. On the rare occasions I did I would feel violently ill, so I just avoided it. I still drank socially but limited it massively to maybe one or two.

Two years ago I went for a meal with my partner and I had one glass of wine and was so violently ill within about 10 mins of drinking it (aka it wasn’t the food, everyone had the same and it only affected me) that I’ve not drank since. To put it in context, I drank heavily throughout my 20s, stopped when I was pregnant and resumed when DS was about 7 months old, until he was 3 (and I was 34). I would drink bottles and bottles of wine. I was functional, with a job, never drank until I was sick and was rarely drunk, such was my tolerance. But I’m fully allergic to it now, and I don’t miss it at all. I realise now my 20s was me masking my autism, and my 30s was dealing with an abusive ex husband and trying to calm down my nervous system (which it did, initially). I was never obnoxious or caused fights, I would just drink a bottle whilst cooking/eating dinner and then tuck up with a book. There was no chaos with it. But I was an alcoholic. It was only ever wine I drank, and never before 5pm. But I was still dependent on it.

If I can do it OP, I promise you can x

Straw man argument.

If you are worried there is a simple test you can do. It's a series of questions that you answer honestly.

Because you asked the question my answer is yes anyway. I know because I used to be you.

'Evidence' 😆

We don’t know if abstinence is the only acceptable option though do we ? Because we don’t know the extent to which OP drinks, and I think it’s very telling that she hasn’t been back to clarify.

Raising the risk of something can sometimes be a negligible value if hte original risk is quite small. Raising it by how much.? Do you have any figures?

A glass of wine a day is beneficial to your health

This is nonsense: it has been debunked. There are thought to be some moderate benefits from small amounts of red wine specifically but only in small amounts. Not daily.

The WHO says there’s no safe consumption level for alcohol. There probably are people who drink small amounts of alcohol daily who have no problematic effects but overall drinking daily is unequivocally a net negative. And the OP is clearly drinking more than this.

Not for everyone. Depends on a lot of things, including your overall health and what medications you take - particularly pain killers as everything is metabolised by the liver. Some people have a much lower alcohol tolerance than others, and if you have none alcoholic fatty liver disease, even one alcoholic drink can do damage. My mum is 94 and has a small glass of wine with an evening meal every day - has done for as long as I can remember, but over time that glass has got smaller because her tolerance due to age is lower.

I haven't seen any "you do you" comments, and I don't think anyone is underreacting. Most posters are saying the OP may/does have a problem.

If she’s drinking every day to achieve an effect that makes her feel relaxed and chilled then there clearly is a problem. She may not be craving the alcohol, but she’s clearly craving the effect. Unless she gets control over it, over time the amount of alcohol she needs to achieve that feeling will increase and she will likely end up alcohol dependent, if not alcoholic. It’s a very slippery slope.

It’s great that you’re questioning yourself. That’s already a positive. When do you first have a drink? Do you drink during the day? Can you not have a drink or is it a compulsion?

It's interesting that you say you don't crave alcohol, just the feeling that it gives you.

I don't know much about addiction. I have only known one heroin user well enough to discuss it with them, but that's exactly what they said about it.

You could always try CBD gummies or the CBD drinks as thay help to chill you out an distress I suffer really bad with stress and I take them thay have helped me alot I would say the gummies are better but if you want to have that drink at the night try the cans. The link is get my gummies from https://supremecbd.uk/ or amazon trip cbd drinks

(I'm not suggesting that alcoholism and heroin addiction are equivalent, btw. It's just interesting that this language used is the same)

A good test is to stop for a month and see how much it affects you. (Mentally and physically) if you can’t do it or it significantly impacts on you then yes it suggests you are dependent on it.

i have 1-4 drinks probably 3- 5 times a month either in the house with dh or socially. I take a month off regularly and will often drive over having a drink.
dh drinks about 8 units over 1 or 2 nights a week. He would sooner not attend an event than drive and can not bear the thought of not having a drink so wouldn’t do dry January. I wouldn’t call him an alcoholic as he could stop if necessary but he is pretty dependent on alcohol.

You rely on it, for whatever reason, you’re an alcoholic.
Change the method of chilling…go for a run, listen to music, take a bath.
If you still crave it, then there’s your answer

It’s a well known coping strategy, and society needs to change its attitude towards addiction.

Op herself needs to look at why her life is so difficult and stressful that she having to rely on alcohol in the first place.

I would suggest she has counselling, something in her life must be too difficult to live with - it might be more than one element. It would help her no end to find out how she can reduce her stress levels, so she can reduce her alcohol consumption whilst understanding and being compassionate about why she needs it in the first place.

You are self medicating. Why?

The feeling you are craving is a feeling you like only by you drinking alcohol.
So husband is right to be concerned.
If i wanted to feel this way everyday because i enjoy it id be very worried about my alcohol dependency.