To ask for a nursery birthday etiquette?

[GloMum]

Hola mums. Have twin kids in pre-reception, each in a different class. We have received invitations for most of their birthdays, and normally the whole class is invited. With kids in separate classes, that would mean 42 children and that’s minus the parents! Of course, I appreciate maybe not everyone would be able to join but that’s still a very large party. What’s acceptable in such situations? Must you always invite the whole class? Appreciate your intel. They’re my first children, we are not from the UK, and I’d like to be respectful to all parents that have extended kindness and have invited us for parties.

What gender are they? Eg both boys maybe invite all the boys.

if one girl, maybe invite all the girls from her class and if the other boy then invite the boys from his class.

or suck it up and invite them all!

I think whole class parties at nursery age are bonkers.
Can't you think of the 3 or 4 names they most often mention positively (or ask teacher) and invite them?

I'd probably invite everyone, find a village hall type venue and hire a kids disco. That's what I did when my DD was in P1 and wanted to invite the whole class plus various friends from outside school. It was chaotic but the kids seemed to enjoy it.

I would do a hall party where numbers aren't capped and invite them all. You never get everyone coming! Use a party company, eg we have one stop party shop in our area, to run it and provide lunch boxes with snacky bits or a buffet style picky station for the food element

If you must invite a huge number, hold it in the park and say no gifts necessary.

By pre-reception do you mean nursery?

At this age whole class parties are very unusual, they don't usually start until children are at school. I would invite a few close friends, or just have a family party.

Please don’t segregate by sex. This is such a weird thing to do and sets up the idea that boys should mainly play with boys and girls should stick to girls at a really early age.

Not in the UK but we have done invite as many friends as your age. So my turning four year old has just invited four friends from preschool and we have invited a few friends children that are the same age so 8 in total.

Do parents really want to attend 42 nursery birthday parties in the year? Almost every weekend?!

I suspect just a strange thing people are feeling obliged to do, none of this at my nursery.

Just don’t have a party, do a day out instead.

Thanks all! I have two girls. And I don’t think parents would get 42 invites, we’re just in a bit of an unusual situation with two kids in the same year. Unfortunately a park or garden venue is not an option as they are winter born.

Do you mean a school nursery class? If yes whole class parties are common IME and yes with twins across the 2 classes I’d expect to invite everyone. Just do a church hall thing with any combo of bouncy castle, entertainer, kids disco and then there won’t be any significant cost increase by inviting 1 class vs. 2, just extra party bags and a few sandwiches.

My local leisure centre has a huge room with a bouncy castle - could something like that work and invite all?
otherwise you need to do best friends only and let parents know it’s a small group so they don’t tell each other

Could they have separate parties maybe like they would if siblings? One the day before their actual birthday and one the day after? That way they are recognised as the individual child rather than as a twin and they each have their own friends to the party. A friend with twins always did this. Sometimes same party venue, sometimes different. Same with themes.

If all their friends overlap then yes just one party and not all class members just actual friends.

We never did nursery parties, just family and friends with kids. Once in school we did half class and half friends from outside of school

Do a smaller party this year and then a double class party for reception. Soft play or a hall with bouncy castle etc makes it easiest to flex the numbers.

That will be way too much for a lot of preschoolers. Honestly 10 kids is plenty for a party.

We only started class parties in reception, nursery age we just had family and friends.

Why are they in separate classes? At our school twins are always in the same class too prevent things like this, where you'll likely have 42 party invites a year but everyone else 21!
I think if everyone else is inviting everyone then you need to as well.
It's usually around year 2/3 where parties stop being whole class events

I’d just invite them all and do a village hall type party, that is the nursery etiquette where we are!

42 screaming hyper 3-4 years olds and 42 hovering parents, in a echoey community hall is my idea of hell! 🤣

When ds was in preschool less than 1/2 the kids had full class parties, a fair number just did a small friends and/or family things. No one takes offence if you don't reciprocate invites with a party for your own at that age - if if they did I never noticed!

If you are considering it, I would call around some halls to make sure it is actually an option. They may have limits on hall numbers for this type of thing for health and safety. Also make sure you send out invites saying because of numbers sorry only one parent per child in the hall and no siblings. Also add to invite RSVP by date so you know how many you are dealing with.

I have twins and always treat them equally so as very young children I invited everyone in each class. As they got older they invited less children and chose to have different parties as they are different people. We would negotiate what days the parties would be on once they wanted to do different things.They are now adults and we have a joint celebration but they always have an individual cake even now!

I’d say don’t worry about what’s gone before. Ask each of your DC for 3 or 4 friends’ names and take them all to soft play with food after. Over 42 children would be mad and stressful and your situation is unusual in that you have two classes to consider, unlike other children.

My children have never done whole class parties, they would have both found it too overwhelming. They’ve both always chosen the children they play with.

my children are 8 and 10 and I have found that since Covid, full class parties are a lot more rare. My youngest hasn’t been invited to many at all (and I am very good friends with one of his classmates who has experienced the same so it is isn’t because of him)

In Reception and often Y1 it’s the whole class here and often at our schools twins have their own separate class parties so one is the weekend before their birthday and one the weekend after. It helps keep their identities separate as it’s abnormal to have two classes together for a party otherwise.

Our school does whole year parties (60 kids tho only about half come) and generally siblings welcome. They’re usually in a sports hall with bouncy castles and inflatables and kids get a drink,cupcake and party bag