To ask for a nursery birthday etiquette?

[GloMum]

Hola mums. Have twin kids in pre-reception, each in a different class. We have received invitations for most of their birthdays, and normally the whole class is invited. With kids in separate classes, that would mean 42 children and that’s minus the parents! Of course, I appreciate maybe not everyone would be able to join but that’s still a very large party. What’s acceptable in such situations? Must you always invite the whole class? Appreciate your intel. They’re my first children, we are not from the UK, and I’d like to be respectful to all parents that have extended kindness and have invited us for parties.

Most nursery class (school nursery not day nursery) parties are whole class or only boys or only girls. The ones at the start of the year (Sept-Jan) are usually very well attended as parents like to get to know each other and parties are the best place for it, especially if you have a lot of parents that are using wrap around or having to drop and run due to work and then having grandparents or child minders collecting. Winter and early spring party's (Nov-April) are also usually very well attended. Mainly due to the fact the weather is cold and crap. Our parties became mainly boys/ girls only after about May half term and mainly as the nursery class grew from 23 to 37 after Xmas and 39 after Easter (we have 3 intakes in nursery - Sept, Jan (turned 3 between Sept and Dec) and April (turned 3 between Jan and March 30th). The children that joined after Christmas last year are all doing nursery again this year.

As for types of party, a soft play is the easiest with those numbers as they generally run around, have food, sing happy Birthday and then party bag and home. It does come with a price tag though.

A church hall is easier for numbers but can get very chaotic - you may need more than just a bouncy castle as with so many children attending it can get very dangerous and chaotic on the bouncy castle. Whilst very un-mumsnetty, popular and easy party food round us in the village hall parties is hotdogs or fishfinger sandwiches, crisps, biscuits (custard creams/ bourbons/ party rings) and jugs of squash and water.

With so many children I would probably put a note about unfortunately due to numbers no siblings - especially if you are doing a hall. Soft play it's the venues choice - usually parents will pay the siblings in separately. I know one soft play venue round us that says if you have a 60 children party they cannot accommodate more than 30 siblings (90 children total) due to their capacity and staff levels.

Whole class parties at that age very normal round here. Village halls are usually cheap to hire. Get that, bouncy castle, some standard sandwiches, crisps, fruit food. Job done.

I’d hire a church hall , balloons , music and let them play . A few games like corners , musical statues and then let them run around and dance.
cheap tea with crisps , a few sandwiches. Job done. Send a note asking for no presents , do a sweet cone as a small party bag with a balloon and fairy cake to take home .

almost as cheap for 40 as 20. They will not all come .

Find a local soft play. Do an exclusive hire and invite everyone. I did food boxes in advance, including some cake wrapped up.... and had a small candle cake so I didn't have to cut a cake at the party. I also told them in advance there would be no party bags. None of the kids found it weird. All parents were able to relax and chat and it was fairly handsoff. It wasn't that expensive to hire... but it was a while ago.

@Perfectpillowsdontexist Our local soft plays charge £20 per head for exclusive hire for kids parties 🙈😂 I definitely wouldn’t be doing that for 40odd kids 😂

@GloMum I’d do a party in a local hall and invite them all. Hopefully you won’t have many years of separate classes to contend with 🤞🏼

My sons party is coming up and I’ve done:

• hall hire for afternoon - £60
• inflatable assault course hire - £150 for 2 hours
• giant games hire - £50 for 2 hours
• local face painter - £75 for 2 hours
• music - free
• party games - £10 worth of prizes

Managed to get all tableware & decorations for £30

Still got food to do and I’m planning on - sandwiches, mini sausage rolls, crisps, fruit/veg, cake, juice

And party bag stuff has been ordered. Has cost me around £70 all in.

30 kids coming including DS.
Definitely could have cut costs but I’m lazy to be honest 🙈😂

I don't think there's an etiquette for birthday parties across the UK. I believe it depends heavily on your nursery or class. The only "rule" is not to exclude only a few children and ensure invites are passed with discretion.
If you decide you want to invite the two classes, you could look at large venues, like leisure centres, gymnastics clubs or soft play areas (especially those offering exclusive hire), are the best options for a big group.
I would avoid hiring a hall though. Too much work, too much risk of chaos, and you’d be left handling the food, party bags, set-up, and clean-up yourself. I have been to a couple with this number of guests. It has been wild ;).
Keeping the guest list smaller, perhaps around 20 children (for example, 10 from each class — those your child talks about, parents you know, or after asking the teacher), is far more manageable for everyone.
I hope your daughters have the best birthday!

We’ve done whole class parties from nursery until year 2

Do what works for you. I don't think many people notice. How would they know if it's your child's birthday?.A lot of people just do the whole class party because they feel it's expected. Nobody really wants to go to parties every week. But they feel that's expected too. My GC sometimes goes to three parties in one weekend. It's got a bit much!

As a twin parent - this. I think about what their experiences would be if they were singletons rather than twins and in this case that means they each choose their own party, their own friends to invite and their own cake. Why should they have to compromise just for the misfortune of having been born a twin?

I truly hope that no school is genuinely making decisions on whether or not to separate twins with party invites as the main deciding factor...

I only ever took their best friend

When my daughter was at nursery I asked the staff to advise me on the dozen or so children she played with most. This was for a soft play party when she was 4. Depending on how many you feel comfortable inviting. Maybe five each? You don’t have to invite the whole class unless you want to. The general rule is invite either a small number of a class (less than half) or the whole class because anything in between can lead to kids feeling left out. But that’s not such an issue in nursery as in school (cos they are tiny and less likely to all be talking about the party!)

My daughters school nursery had 40 kids in it. A few people did whole class parties (which I attended). Most would also have a few family and friends there too. Quite a few people don’t come. They just hired a big hall (village hall). Most hired an entertainer (quite a few princess, some discos etc).
I noticed one Mum who invited everyone and a lot of family always sent her invites out quite late (1-2 week before max). This seemed to help with lowering the numbers 😂.

We have never done the whole class thing, it seems to be a MN thing where people mention being prepared for this.
We just chose the children that were mentioned most often, and asked the nursery workers if they had any particular friends (though I think they don't always give this information any more). I would just ask each child to name some names and go with that.
We still do that now (though don't really do parties any more) and my son's list has pretty much remained the same since reception, my daughter's friends however have changed each year, I don't think any one is that bothered.

I didn't do a party at nursery age but we either received an invite for ones my child played with or they sent to all and a few times we had a follow up message via nursery saying they are at capacity so were unable to accept any more attendees.

My son has just left nursery and going into double I take reception, so 60 kids split into two classes of 30. He is one of the oldest and I have invited just his class plus ones he played with lots at nursery as we have a 50 capacity at our venue plus his friends from outside school. I did invite the twins brother from school in the other class though.

My kids love parties and I’ve thrown a few big ones. Some ideas for you!

• Are they likely to transition up to school with these children? If so, a party is a great way to get to know the parents and the children spend time together outside of nursery. If not, the likelihood is you won’t see the children or parents much by this time next year so you could consider something small.
• is the entire nursery class children in be same school year or does it span multiple ages eg 2-4? If the latter, consider just inviting their year group (ie just those moving to school at the same time as them)
• If you want to cut numbers you could ask for the names of a few children they play with and just invite them.
• Leisure centres are great if there is one nearby as they are often cheap and well set up. But check on capacity.
• Soft play is also good although can get expensive. Look for ones that may do private hire at the end of the day.
• You can also do private hire of a village hall and get your own entertainment in. This is more flexible but can get expensive as for 20+ children you will need two bouncy castles and other stuff for them to do. A colouring table always goes down well. An entertainer doing a disco or similar could work but again for those numbers they will likely need a second entertainer (from the same company, to together). If using entertainment I’d keep it to an hour then half an hour for food. I wouldn’t attempt party games for a group that size on my own!
• if your girls are girly girls you could just invite the girls and get a princess visit.
• if you can’t accommodate siblings be clear on this or someone people will ask and others will assume.
• for large numbers happy meal style party boxes work well and means they are all prepped in advance (sandwich, fruit shoot, raisins, crisps)
• party bags are a good signal that the party is over.
• whatever you decide the general British etiquette is to invite up to around half the group, or everyone. Don’t just leave a handful out.

Good luck!

A village hall for large numbers. Our village hall already had some games already etc. To make it cheaper can have a crafts table, hair styling table etc. By the time you play a few games, musical statues or pass the parcel, and eat food, it’s big a drastic amount of time to occupy and often they’re happy to run around and dance etc. With such high numbers a bouncy castle seems dangerous. Plenty of people/organisations do face painting, entertainment, balloon crafting, etc.

Make it clear what your expectations are with siblings. Some people just assume they can bring others and numbers multiple very quickly!

State on the invite that you are not providing party bags if that feels too expensive.

Food is clearly more tricky for a village hall as you can be left making sandwiches etc. or ordering food. It’s easy to make far too much.

With that many invites if you do whole classes, expect quite a lot of parents to simply not get back to you. Could make it clear on the invite too that if you don’t reply, you’ll assume they are not coming to the party! Otherwise it will be very difficult to cater for if you don’t have any idea of numbers.

More expensive option is soft play, local sports centres etc as they often charge a lot per head. No way I’d do that.

Nursery seems too young for all class parties…

Other options are just soft play etc for a handful of friends each.

Don’t worry what other parents are doing. It’s likely none of them gave twins and have double the cost! Some people do smaller parties and some whole classes. Nobody thinks anything of you or your children if you do no parties / family only, small or big parties so just do what you and your girls want!

The only thing you shouldn’t do is invite most of the classes and miss children out. Best to a small party with max 3-4 children each or a whole class party.

I would just invite everyone. I don’t have twins but I would always invite the whole class, allow siblings to come and add on a couple of outside school / club friends so the number would often be 40ish anyway.

Please don’t do what someone suggested above and just invite 10 of their friends or similar - this causes so much upset and won’t set you up well with other parents.

A party for 20/40 is essentially the same experience. But the 40 will please everybody.

I never did parties for mine at that age. Just a small family gathering at home. If every child at nursery has a birthday party you’d never get a weekend off! Another ridiculous affair parents feel pressured into doing to keep up with everyone else 🙄

Just ignore this if you want. The majority of people have a party of 10 and this type of MN nonsense is what causes any problems with people thinking they have to have parties they either can't afford or invite kids their own children don't even like.

Full disclosure I have a baby not yet at nursery (has a place) BUT we've discussed it and are planning family-only birthdays for a while or just inviting friends that my child has had play dates with already. We never had whole class parties as kids and it was always fine!

Would you consider 2 separate parties, or would that be cost/time prohibitive. I think it's always totally up to you, so even if everyone else does a whole class party you really don't have to, we have a few class parties still every year but most parents have their child choose who to invite. Realistically, your little ones will have a group of kids they're closer to, so maybe set a limited (10 each?) And ask them to name their top ten friends. Equally, if you want to go for it and have 42 invitees, chances are some will be busy and you'll want to just book a huge hall - I'd do bouncy castle plus some craft tables and toys out, a big buffet, no food for parents or absolute max a few sweet treats and limited to 90 mins! Once they've eaten and you've sung happy birthday with candles blown out that's only an hour of ear shattering screaming "fun"
Good luck!