To ask will I be told when my "mother" dies? TW CSA

[Howwilliknow8]

Name changed as the history is very embarrassing-its very complicated but will try and be brief.

My "mother" had me very young and was something of a wild child. She had/ has as it has transpired over time significant mental health issues that might have always been there or brought on by drug use, or a combination of both. She has been horribly abusive to me throughout my life, neglectful when I was in her care, exposing & involving me to the sex work industry frim a very young age.

Once removed from her care there was a period of complete abandonment and occasional non in person contact where she would emotionally abuse me. As an adult, I have attempted to build some form of relationship. It is just impossible, she continues to attempt to abuse, control, coerce, damage other relationships, falsely accuses others of abuse-all of this worsens with alcohol and/or drugs.

The last time I spoke to her, I cut her out of my life and told her exactly what I thought of her. Her partner who was also involved in and a perpetrator the abuse is dead now and my mother it seems is living in some grotty caravan by choice off grid. There is absolutely no value in telling me to intervene to help. I will not do it to myself, my DH or my children (who never have and never will meet her)

I am prepared to get flamed for the next part. I feel for full closure, I am waiting to be told she has died. I feel this is the only way I will get closure as I cannot have any kind of remedial conversations with her to unpick the history; logic and reason are inpossible and she would simply use the opportunity to extend the abuse.

AIBU to ask- Will I be notified when she dies? Will I be traced as she is not allowed my contact details? The whole family is NC with her because of the way she is-the abuse was not isolated to me, so I am asking as technical biological next of kin. She has-thankfully-no other children.

As stupid as it sounds I want to check its REALLY over when she dies and she cannot hurt me any more. Sorry for the long post, I have tried to summarise everything as briefly as I can-as you can imagine the history is huge so a lot has been left out, but happy to answer questions if needed to clarify situation.

Thank you so much for all the lovely replies. I think it was called EDMR, but it was horrific and too painful-it was at serious risk of making me extremely mentally unwell and I have genuinely prided myself on the safe, loving & nurturing home I have made-all on my own, with no role model, no help, no guidance-for my own children. They are the centre of my world and would rather keep all my pain stuffed firmly down to keep them safe and happy. Maybe in the future I will reconsider, but for now, I am doing OK.

I suppose her advancing age, knowing the risk taking and chaotic lifestyle she leads does make me think about her mortality and that it cannot be far away. I feel like that will be truly the day I am free of the past. And most importantly to me I can say with certainty she never had the pleasure or satisfaction of meeting, hurting or manipulating my children. It will break the cycle.

I really do appreciate people sharing their similar stories too. You are right. I have always carried guilt and shame because of he actions. More than once other family members have publicly chastised me for her behaviour, including at a funeral she was in attendance at aaying she had better behave. I am mortified by what she has done not just to me but countless others. It is easy for her to pretend she has no children and shed the stigma of abandoning a child. I can hardly say I have no mother.

I very much appreciate all the advice and lovely words too.