My son to be excluded from surprise

[Puel]

Last year my sister held a surprise birthday party for her son (my nephew). We had all the kids (mainly my other nephews and nieces) hiding behind sofa, behind curtains, under table etc and the idea was that the kids would jump out of their hiding places and shout surprise when birthday boy walks in.

So - birthday boy walks in and my son jumped out shouting “suprise!”

this was met with tutting from the adults and all the kids fuming at him for “ruining it”. This was literally what they were told to do!!

Fast forward to this year and my other sister is holding the same kind of party for her son. I’ve been told that DS can stay in the kitchen with the adults until the suprise bit is over with as they don’t want it ruining again.

Im livid. AIBu to think they’re being petty, mean and bloody childish?? I’d be more than happy to tell him not to jump out until the other kids have but they won’t even give him a chance.

It sounds like everyone else expected a different plan the first time, how did this misunderstanding occur given there appears to be consensus between the adults and other children

I think you need to clarify what he did wrong last time. If everyone was annoyed at him there must have been something they sll
understood that he didn’t.

My assumption from your description is he jumped out slightly too soon, before the others had a chance to really see that he had come into the room or before the blindfold had been taken off. Perhaps they had agreed to jump out on a certain word but your son didn’t hear that bit?

If you aren’t able to come to some sort of agreement that he won’t make the same mistake again and therefore be included, I’d just be ‘busy’ that night and not attend at all. Take your son to do something nice and just leave it as water under the bridge.

I have no idea. The kids were told to hide and then jump out and say suprise when he came in. This is exactly what my son did but apparently he did it too early 🙄 one of them had to do it first, there was no mention of a sign etc to tell them when to do it

Did he do it when he came into the house or room?

How old is he and is neurotypical?

Hes 9, neurotypical.

Room. My sister has just said the point of them hiding was so birthday boy would wonder what was going on but he never noticed due to son jumping out as soon as he walked in. I was under the impression that that is what they were meant to do

It does sound like he jumped out earlier than planned given everyone else were still waiting in sync, having said that it’s mean to exclude him from the surprise portion of the next party. Worse case explain the rules to him again to ensure he waits but excluding him is mean and unnecessary.

And the other adults reaction being upset and accusing him of ruining it sounds OTT to me and like the are taking it too seriously, is there history where he is considered naughty or something?

How old is your DS?

I wouldn’t even take him. Why should he be punished for a crime he won’t even understand he’s supposed to have committed?

These repetitive “suprise” parties sound tedious … has nobody in your family got an original idea?

Better off in the kitchen, then in the middle of that contrived schizzle.

your sister seems to be incredibly hard work. I assume not going would probably cause a lot of problems. Perhaps you could arrive a bit later than the birthday boy?

Horrible for your son though.

They sound like they’re missing a sense of humour, if there was no sign of when to jump then he did what he was supposed to. Easy enough for someone just to have a sign up this time or something. I mean he’s nine, this would just be funny in my family.

Your son did nothing wrong. They sound like a bunch of dicks.

Don’t go at all. You are busy. You are busy for all surprise events your sister wants to organise. Things where everyone knows what’s happening, fine. Bur as she’s is incapable of properly planning a surprise event and then gets angry at children for her own failures, you don’t go to those now. Pop round and see your nephew later on with his gift.

Unless they're really slow learners I think your nephews are going to start expecting the surprise! Particularly if it's their birthday and nobody has seemingly planned a party. Anyway, do you think your son would stay hidden until someone else shouts "Surprise" or would he rather stay in the kitchen?

YANBU.
The family are being twats! Your boy is 9 FFS. They are childish, mean and humourless.

Agree. I hate surprises atvthe best of times but this sounds shit the first time. Never mind your other sister doing the same stupid thing. It's hardly a surprise if it happens for everyone's birthday!

🤣🤣😭😭

Awh, how mean! I'd be reluctant to take him but would be worried about the long term relationship damage with the cousins etc.

I’d get him to shout ‘surprise!’ from the kitchen before the others get chance 😄
Honestly, I’d feel like not going and doing something more fun with him instead.

That’s ridiculous. He’s a year older and this should be a family joke by now. They’re being pretty awful to your son but I don’t know what to suggest aside from missing the party altogether. How mean of them.

Honestly, your sister is pathetic. It’s a bit of fun, not a state secret. Who cares if he jumped out early- it sounds funny more than anything else. And frankly if she keeps doing the same daft surprise idea, it won’t be a surprise anyway.

Your sis is very much discarding the good (your son’s lovely excitement to give his cousin a birthday surprise) for the sake of a “perfect” moment presumably for instagram or similar. She earns a massive eye roll from me.

This year aim to arrive JUST BEFORE the birthday boy and pretend to be him 😂 Then everyone will shout surprise as you and your son enter the room instead 😂

Your sister sounds hard work - tedious. Don’t bother going to this massive yawn fest. It’s her, not you or your son.

Tell him to call his cousin in the morning and shout surprise. Your sister is being cruel.

Haha yes how many of these 'suprise' parties has he had? They sound awful.