To dislike the phrase 'our family is complete'

[Newstarttoday35]

I see it constantly on social media when someone has had their second child and find it quite smug. Also implies that a 3rd child would be unwanted, I know it's just a phrase but it's just a little off-putting and engineered.

It used to annoy me a bit when we had secondary infertility as I didn't feel we were complete but it was out of my hands. Now we have 2 I do feel more complete but I still probably wouldn't use those words. What other people do is fine though!

Yes worded perfectly, why does it affect you?

But if they don’t want a third child, then their family is complete OP. How is that remotely smug?

I get you OP, I do think it's a little bit smug when used specifically in the context of a social media birth announcement - not crime of the century awful but just a tad, and given that social media announcements of all kinds inevitably come across a bit 'look at my perfect life' anyway, I personally wouldn't use it (or just wouldn't do an announcement at all) but hey ho. I mean good for you, random social media acquaintance, that in addition to just having had a beautiful baby you're telling me you now have exactly the number of children you wanted, is it really necessary to include this additional info? Lots of people don't get to have their ideal number of children for various reasons, infertility, relationship breakdown, bereavement, finances etc, some people don't even get to have one healthy happy baby, could you not just say that you're really happy with your new baby and leave it at that?

I think it's different as a phrase to say face to face to head off anticipated intrusive comments about having another, fair enough I guess in that context although IME the majority of people are either not interested or rude enough to really care either way or ask you how many children you're planning so no need to head them off at all, and the sort of nosy busybody who would start an unwelcome conversation about this doesn't really take a hint anyway, so not sure how much use it is!

I have four DC - my family is complete and has been for eight years!

A 2nd or 3rd child etc would be unwanted for us though. We wanted one? So after the first one, our family was complete!

Oh, I had always assumed that they had lost their data connection during entering a sentence like;
"Our family is complete...ly useless at everything we try and do."
or
"Our family is complete...ly ignorant as to why we should pickup our dog's poo."
or
"Our family is complete...ly stupid, but we do enjoy poking frogs with sticks."

Same our family is complete no idea how on earth it is can be smug, just a fact, op do you have un addressed issues?

As a mother of 3DC I never interpreted the phrase the way you suggested when I heard parents of 2DC saying it. We didn't feel complete after DC1 or DC2, but pretty much immediately after DC3 was born I was very definite that I a) didn't want to go through another pregnancy and b) was now happy with the number of children we had. It's not a smug feeling but a happy, satisfied feeling that that part of life is how I wanted it to be. Similar to how I felt when we bought our house. And presumably how many people feel on retirement.

It's not a term I've used (because I would like another child, and have sadly had losses) but doesn't it just mean we are done having children? It also stops people asking questions about having more.

I have two and I'm quite happy with that. A 3rd would be most unwanted . I don't see what's wrong with not wanting more children

I’m a third child, I was an accident, I’m not that fussed, it kind of sums up my life as I’m quite accident prone, also some of the best things in life happen by accident ;) doesn’t mean my parents or family love me less than my sisters who were very very much wanted and very much not an accident (they were IVF babies!) and I’ve never felt less wanted. Besides, 3 children isn’t that affordable nowadays! I always thought I would have 3 because that’s the dynamic I grew up in, but I’ll probably just have two (if I’m lucky enough, am about to have my first :) )

I've never really thought about it, but I'd just figure it meant "we're content with the number of children we have, and have no current plans to have any more."

Your triggers are not other people’s problems. These people on social media are just telling everyone that THEIR family is complete.

You are allowed to say you’re one and done! And not want another baby

You are allowed to feel complete after 2 kids. Or 3. Or 8.

The fact you said you feel people are “smug” saying they are complete makes me feel you are holding jealous feelings there

A third child was unwanted in my family. So much so that I aborted when my husband vasectomy failed.
My family is complete with two children.

And what?

I’m guessing OP has jealous feelings

I agree but I don't get it. What on earth is there to be jealous of?

If it's used when nosily asked if you're going to have another child then fair enough. If you're posting it on Fbook alongside pics of second baby (born a perfect 2.5 years after the first) it's fucking annoying.

I think the same for all the people who have school mums who are supposedly jealous of them, about what ? i have absolutely no idea

I loathe overused trite, cutesy social media phrases. But I don't think it's reasonable to complain that a third child who doesn't even exist would be unwanted! It is ok to not want more children and for people to be upset about unwanted pregnancies, if that's what you're getting at?

I can understand how the phrase “my family is complete” might sound a bit smug if you are struggling with primary or secondary infertility.

Well yes it does mean another child isn’t wanted. So people actively prevent pregnancy from happening. I didn’t want a 4th as we were done (‘complete’) so I made sure I didn’t have one what’s wrong with that? If it’s the phrase then well it’s just a phrase what else should people say?

I get this. But logically the person posting on social media is doing absolutely nothing wrong and is just happy with their family. They feel complete and are allowed to openly say that. I can see why it would bring jealous feelings if you couldn’t have any children, or wanted 2 but only able to have 1 and have that constant longing of never feeling “complete”

I mean doctors ask the same question "Is your family complete?"

My family is complete though, you’re being ridiculous.