DD’s friend and mobile phone

[Reallywantachocolateorange]

Dd is 7, her friend is 6 and has been given her dad’s old mobile phone, it has lots of games on it, but also has YouTube on and not just kids YouTube, normal YouTube.
She lives over the road from us and the girls have been playing at each other’s houses lots over summer.
The phone situation is causing such grief, Dd is begging for a phone, which she is categorically not having, she can occasionally play games Ive download on my phone, but this is during quiet tine after we’ve been out lots or she’s been playing out all day etc.
Her friend has started coming to the house with the phone and instead of playing, doing dens, dancing and so on, she’s sat playing games on the phone and Dd sat next to her playing it. I ended up saying no phones after lots of encouragement to play outside, the girl said it was her phone so she could, I said not in my house please.
She stopped bringing the phone round, today Dd has been at hers in the afternoon and has only just managed to get to sleep hugging me after being scared from watching YouTube videos on this girls phone-scary ones apparently
I’m so angry, what do I do? Talk to the mum, just put a stop to her going there?

Is it insane that a 6 year old has access to this or am I too overprotective??!

Not insane at all. 6 year olds should not have unsupervised access to smart phones. Talk to her parents and if they are not responsive to your concerns, put an end to your DD going across.

You did the right thing to say no phones in your house please - but then it was obvious that if your DD went to this child's house she'd end up watching the phone - so would have been better to say no playing at their house.

If there was x rated videos playing on the telly all day no one would think twice about stopping their child going over there.

Id think about being brave and reporting this as a safeguarding issue OP.

That poor little girl will end up seeing shocking stuff 🙁

I don’t know what Dd has seen exactly but it does sound frightening. I asked where the family were and she said in another room. I’m going to have to say she can’t go over

I’m thinking what to put in a text? How to put it across but not cause issues (difficult when neighbours)

I wouldn't even text them. Your daughter's friend can come play without the phone, just say no to your daughter going over there.

Shocking parenting or lack thereof from your neighbours. Wouldn't want my child there at all.

Don't let her go round there and don't worry about causing any "issues". Fuck them. They are being completely inappropriate. Why do you even need to text them?

I would raise it with the parents first if you feel comfortable doing so, and telling them you are not sure if they are aware that the girls have been watching some unsuitable videos on the phone? And explain your daughter has been very scared and reluctant to let you leave her alone, so she won't be coming over to play for a while.

It’s beyond ridiculous and shit parenting to allow a 6 year old to have a smart phone. And as noted above, don’t worry about offending them, they’re totally stupid, and you’re acting in your daughter’s best interests.

Absolute madness!

I think I’d be trying to widen her friendship group and keep her busy elsewhere. There is no way I would be facilitating the friendship or encouraging it because you clearly have very different ideas about what children should and shouldn’t be doing.

I’d try to catch the other mother in the street or something rather than send a text and is say something like ‘look Sheila, Stacey had a nightmare after watching something on YouTube on Malcolm’s old phone when she was over at yours last week’ then I’d stop talking and see what she says and respond accordingly.

Two of my DD friends had mobiles at 6/7. TikTok Snapchat Insta the works. Shocking really.

Just don't let your daughter go and play there. If they ask you why, tell them. Your daughter's wellbeing is more important than your neighbour's hurt feelings.

Hi Neighbour. DD had a lovely time playing with xx, thank you so much for having her. She was however quite upset this evening due to something she saw on YouTube on xx's phone. Is xx ok? I'm not sure what it was but would it be possible please for the girls not to have the phone with them when they are playing, as I'm worried something scary will pop up again. Thanks a lot,

Give her one chance, if on the next play date the phone makes an appearance then ban her from going, end of

To let the mum know, the girls have played together for a long time and without this it’s ok, if we suddenly don’t go around it will seem odd. Also sort of want to point out how bad it is for her dd to be exposed to it but also don’t want to step on her toes or come across as being judgmental..even though I am judging!

Can I also suggest that you install parental controls on your internet and suggest that your neighbor does so as well (in case children continue to spend time together). This should limit the chances of something untoward/scary popping up inadvertently even if your DD is just playing a game on your phone.

Dd mentioned Tiktok the other day, she had never heard of it before, I asked if her friend had it on the phone, apparently not but she’s told my dd about it? She’s 6!
At first I thought she’d just been given an old phone with games put on, whilst not something i’d do, I only just knew it has YouTube (not even kids) on it

I’m not worried about hurting their feelings one bit, it’s a shame as aside from this, Dd enjoyed playing there

I would be straight round asking to see the history of the phone to understand what the hell they have been allowed to watch and loose my shit with the parents. This is way way too polite just get that phone away from your DD before she sees porn

This sounds good 👍 thank you

Can they see porn on YouTube? If that’s true then I need to have a serious talk with them

Of course they can see porn on YouTube. It’s practically what YouTube is for. I’m a teacher and we aren’t allowed to use it at school at all because of all the dodgy content. It used to be the rule that if you wanted to use a YouTube video in a lesson you had to watch every second of it first but obviously nobody was doing that so now it’s completely blocked.

You can think you are watching Peppa Pig and it’s not..it’s porn.

OP they can see porn, car crashes, dead people absolutely horrific stuff on YouTube. Please get clued up about what’s online and get protecting your little one. I’m not wanting to scare you are be angry at you but please lock this down quickly.

It’s horrific, not understanding how the parents can allow that

It's scary the parents haven't locked the phone down! My kids are a lot older and I have content restrictions on their devices and on our router. Yes, I know older kids will find it ways get around this but younger ones wouldn't and it's so easy to do - why wouldn't you?!

I know, I don’t get it at all!

You're being far to hesitant about this. Stop all unsupervised contact, which clearly means your daughter can't go to her friend's house. Your house - no phone. Be brave enough to actually talk to her mother though, say you don't want to cause upset but that your daughter was really upset by what she saw on her last visit. She needs to know what hers is seeing. Text messages aren't really as good as direct communication with something like this.