Really looking for other opinions on this as I’m not sure if I’m overreacting. Exh and I have been separated a year, divorced a few months, but have been ‘nesting’ - taking turns over holiday and weekends to live in the family home and take care of two DD’s 4 & 6.
Last week, I found out that exh has been seeing DD1’s old preschool teacher over the summer (old as in, just finished in July before starting reception this week). They went on an outing with the girls, and then he invited her to the house for a ‘play date’ with both our DD’s and hers.
They treated each other as ‘friends’ nothing more, but it feels like such an intrusion on many levels. Firstly because it’s my home. I’m pretty sure he had her here without the girls too, possibly sleeping in my bed which is clearly just not ok.
But more importantly, they can only have been seeing each other for a few weeks. He had already introduced the girls to another ‘friend’ with a dog who they came attached to very quickly. As they already know the teacher, I think they could get attached even quicker, and it just feels ridiculously soon to be involving children It actually feels self serving and like they’re using the kids as an excuse to show how great they are, before they even know where the relationship is going.
She seems very vulnerable and is clearly head over heels - she sent me a load of messages basically asking for permission and saying I hoped it was ok to see the girls in this way! I told her - as she asked - that I couldn’t control what either of them did, but no I absolutely am not comfortable with it. They can do whatever they want together, I just want them to wait before spending time with DD’s!
They’re both saying that the usual 6 months don’t apply because she already knows the girls. But this isn’t the point, as I understand it, waiting isn’t just to suss out if the new person is ok, it’s to see what’s going to happen with the relationship before the children get attached and then disappointed.
Anyway, I know I ultimately cant dictate what they do, but I have said that the nesting arrangement is clearly no longer working and we need a new plan. However, my issue is that the preschool where she works is attached to the girls primary. And my eldest came home after the first day back to say that she’d come over to say hello. I’m sure it was all lovely and innocent, but that doesn’t feel right to me. Surely that’s breaching some kind of professional boundary?
If it persisted, I think I’d want to talk to the preschool management - is that ridiculous? At drop off and pick up I was feeling so anxious about seeing her, and I really don’t want her intruding in that way. Sorry this ended up being so long. Thank you if you’ve made it this far. Any talking sense, advice, or just that I have to suck it up gratefully received!