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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I overreact?

45 replies

catsaregreat · 02/09/2025 14:56

Background: very amicable relationship with ex husband. He has remarried and i am 'open but not looking' after a turbulent 4 years with someone.

Just back from holiday with DD and her mate. Ex asked how it was over text, i said "great, really great" and first thing he said was, "good stuff, did you meant a fella 😂"

I got so mad about that comment. Texting back and forth, me trying to get him to see that it offended me and could he just apologise, him saying the question was harmless and I made incorrect assumptions about it I look like a dick.

To me the fact that the first thing he thought means a) a man is what makes me happiest and b) I'd be up for meeting/flirting/whatever while on holiday with my kid. WTF?

I really appreciate how we get on well normally and this stupid thing could end all that. He just won't take accountability for the impact of his throwaway remark and says my upset is based wholly on what I THOUGHT he meant. So he wants to be free to say whatever he wants without consequence? Is he like this with the kids? If they get upset about something he says or do that he 'doesn't mean' then its on them?

AIBU? It all sounds so stupid now, I don't normally react like this and even when we were together we didn't fall out. Ever.

OP posts:
moppety · 02/09/2025 14:58

Sounds like a lot of fuss over nothing tbh.

SaladAndChipsForTea · 02/09/2025 14:59

Regardless of intent or fault, I don't think I would have upset a perfectly amicable co parent relationship over it.

He's your ex for a reason. I'd have rolled my eyes and ignored it rather than go back to the past and get drawn into a protracted disagreement to land my point about Being Right.

Flora2899 · 02/09/2025 15:00

You say you have an amicable relationship, maybe he thinks its friendlier than you do? Do you feel like you want to reinstate some boundaries? If so probably say you dont feel comfortable talking about any personal relations you may have. Im not in your situation I dont know how id reach but if probably have said "haha no" and left it at that

Indianajet · 02/09/2025 15:00

You are overreacting- if you usually get on well, let it go.

lalaloopyhead · 02/09/2025 15:01

If you are normally amicable I would have assumed he was just trying to be funny. I think i would probably have replied 'Ummm no 🙄' or 'i really don't need a fella for a good holiday 😂'
I think your response was a bit ott - sorry.

purplecorkheart · 02/09/2025 15:02

If you normally get on he could have seen it as friendly banter, similar to how he would speak to a friend who had been on holiday.

If one of your friends or sibling had said it would you be as bothered about it.

If it was a one off I would just let it go.

ForeverPombear · 02/09/2025 15:04

I think you've over reacted a bit as well. I agree with a PP that he may think you're friendlier than you do.

CheeseDanish · 02/09/2025 15:04

I think I'd be asking myself why I was so triggered by it. I'd probably have replied '?' and forgotten about it.

Ablondiebutagoody · 02/09/2025 15:04

Massive over reaction by you

Arlanymor · 02/09/2025 15:06

Was it an issue because he said it - or would you have had the same reaction from one of your family members or a friend?

dairydebris · 02/09/2025 15:07

Yeah sorry OP. I think you've over reacted and if I'd have over reacted in this way I'd feel annoyingly obliged to consider why I was so triggered. There must be something more going on.

InterestedDad37 · 02/09/2025 15:09

It was rather thoughtless, but there is probably a mismatch between intention and interpretation. He should absolutely apologize, but perhaps you shouldn't dwell on it for too long.

Original poster
catsaregreat · 02/09/2025 15:11

Ok its unanimous! I am sensitive about this stuff. He could have said sorry I was joking which would have fizzled it out straight away too. I'm happy to be friends and we have like a brother/sister thing but banter like this means we should take another look at our boundaries.

OP posts:
Stowawaysue · 02/09/2025 15:12

It’s a miracle this has been amicable given the OP to have such thin skin as to be translucent

Original poster
catsaregreat · 02/09/2025 15:12

Thanks for commenting, it helped a lot.

OP posts:
Stowawaysue · 02/09/2025 15:12

catsaregreat · 02/09/2025 15:11

Ok its unanimous! I am sensitive about this stuff. He could have said sorry I was joking which would have fizzled it out straight away too. I'm happy to be friends and we have like a brother/sister thing but banter like this means we should take another look at our boundaries.

Or…. You should maybe not be quite so trigger sensitive

Original poster
catsaregreat · 02/09/2025 15:13

Stowawaysue · 02/09/2025 15:12

It’s a miracle this has been amicable given the OP to have such thin skin as to be translucent

Hey no need for that. One time.

OP posts:
MyMilchick · 02/09/2025 15:14

Life is too short, it's not that deep.

Arlanymor · 02/09/2025 15:15

@catsaregreat - I love your username - yes they are!

Original poster
catsaregreat · 02/09/2025 15:16

Ok got it everyone. Ive texted him, its all fine. Happy to admit when I mess up and glad to have nice people giving advice.

OP posts:
Firststop · 02/09/2025 15:17

I think he was just trying to be matey with you.

And no heated discussion has ever been successful by text.

ForeverPombear · 02/09/2025 15:23

catsaregreat · 02/09/2025 15:16

Ok got it everyone. Ive texted him, its all fine. Happy to admit when I mess up and glad to have nice people giving advice.

What a refreshing OP.

Glad it's all sorted and it's really nice to hear of divorced parents being able to get on.

Floundering66 · 02/09/2025 15:26

I’m sensitive and I wouldn’t have liked this comment, but I would have just brushed passed it and told myself it wasn’t meant offensively, just a difference of humour.

GoldDuster · 02/09/2025 15:31

Stick to the parenting and you shouldn't find yourself in these back forth texting spats over where you feel he's overstepped. An amicable parenting relationship is admirable, and needs very clear boundaries.

Stowawaysue · 02/09/2025 15:35

Demanding your ex “take accountability” is quite a disturbing approach op