Did I overreact?

[catsaregreat]

Background: very amicable relationship with ex husband. He has remarried and i am 'open but not looking' after a turbulent 4 years with someone.

Just back from holiday with DD and her mate. Ex asked how it was over text, i said "great, really great" and first thing he said was, "good stuff, did you meant a fella 😂"

I got so mad about that comment. Texting back and forth, me trying to get him to see that it offended me and could he just apologise, him saying the question was harmless and I made incorrect assumptions about it I look like a dick.

To me the fact that the first thing he thought means a) a man is what makes me happiest and b) I'd be up for meeting/flirting/whatever while on holiday with my kid. WTF?

I really appreciate how we get on well normally and this stupid thing could end all that. He just won't take accountability for the impact of his throwaway remark and says my upset is based wholly on what I THOUGHT he meant. So he wants to be free to say whatever he wants without consequence? Is he like this with the kids? If they get upset about something he says or do that he 'doesn't mean' then its on them?

AIBU? It all sounds so stupid now, I don't normally react like this and even when we were together we didn't fall out. Ever.

Sounds like a huge overreaction

Wouldn’t have bothered me. Not sure why you got so upset.

Yes, there has to be more to this.

and if there isn’t… well that’s concerning in itself given the op went from 0-100

I got het up over not a lot and it can happen... I recognised it and I sorted it. I hope you dont mind me saying but you give the impression of someone who riles people up easily!

Says the OP 😆

Your message makes it sound like YABU but sometimes the whole situation and feelings just some come across as they were at the time. It sounds like you are accepting you overreacted and hopefully it will blow over now.

That would have really annoyed me too, OP. But when my ex annoys me by text or email I just don't reply. And I take pleasure in the feeling that I don't have to engage with him anymore.

He labelled the comment with a laughing face to indicate to you that it was a light-hearted quip. The fact that you both know that you wouldn't be out trying to hook a holiday lover boy is what makes it amusing.

I probably would have answered along the lines of "yeah, Diego is moving in next week💘😂".

But absolutely kudos to you for seeing that you over-reacted to a joke. Good on you!

Was what he said wrong, yes
Should he apologise to you, yes

In the grand scheme of things is it quite a minor and mild comment, yes

Is it best to just forget it was said for the sake of long term relationship, most definitely.

I wouldn’t end your friendship with him completely but this would MIGHTILY piss me off. It feels so undermining and like you said, portrays his core belief that women’s lives are only improved by men. Similar happened to me - I’d just got a promotion and moved into my first solo flat (I was also single, happily so). A former colleague and I were chatting and he asked how I was doing, and I said “great thanks, honestly the happiest I’ve ever been” and his response was “oh have you met someone?”

Maddening. There are plenty of other things that can make someone happy!

If you get on well and are sensitive about this particular topic then just ask him not to mention it/joke about it because it upsets you. I think you overreacted but we all have topics that we take personally or that make us feel defensive

I think it was a (bad) joke.

I think it touched a (understandable) nerve

I think if youre this upset about a text, it's not about a text

I imagine the ex will be rejoicing that he no longer has to deal with this kind of knee jerk drama from the Op on a day to day basis

You’re sounding a bit ‘triggered’.
I’m sure you have your reasons to be sensitive on this subject, sounds like you’ve been through a rocky time relationships-wise.
But yes, it does sound like a massive over-reaction to the casual observer. He was being casually jokey. You flew off the handle.

Why would you say that? So harsh and unnecessary! fyi we never fought in our marriage, we split for other reasons. I risked taking this to mumsnet was because I worried I was overreacting and needed a quick consensus which I got. I will never understand people like you.

You certainly overreacted, people can't say anything in case someone will get offended best not to communicate with anybody to be safe.

I would suggest it was slight overreaction, sounds like he was making a bad joke about holiday romances. I personally would have found it pretty harmless and not replied, but if it generally upset you I don't think you were wrong to try to set the boundaries.

Well done on your amicable relationship with your ex and being able to go back and explain a mistake. Your daughter will benefit so much.

He’s not ejaculating after sex? Yeah something’s deffo up unless you are well over 50.

Yes, you overreacted.