To invite housekeeper for Christmas?

[SpiltLatte]

We have a live in house keeper/PA who is brilliant, I couldn’t manage without her. She lives in our house but her bedroom has its own corridor with her own bathroom and a staircase directly down to the kitchen (which hasits own door to outside) so it’s kind of like a little flat.

Last year at Christmas she went home to spend it with her parents. She had a miserable time and came back quite depressed. I won’t go into it but it’s not a great relationship.

so this year I’m thinking of asking her to stay here for Christmas and spend it with us as part of the (very small!) family. DH thinks this is weird and will come across as such. Is it?

Depends but sometimes Xmas can be awful one year and then great the next with family. Some years I’d vow to cut off my family from a stressful and emotional Xmas Day and then the following year we have a great time.

I would only invite her casually if you and the rest of your family is happy to have her attend. I wouldn’t mention that you noticed she seemed to have a dreadful time last year that’s a bit personal I think. It is nothing out of the norm that someone has a dreadful time at a family Xmas event.

It’s fine to say to her that if she is going to be around at Christmas you would love to invite her (perhaps plus one if she has one) to share Christmas Day with your family as your guest not working.

This ...

We employed a live in carer for my dad and invited her and her husband to join us (with my dad, who would have come anyway) for Christmas lunch and into the evening. Slightly different,I suppose, as she was a 24 hour carer and therefore paid to work Christmas. They all came and we had a wonderful time; she and her husband were very grateful and were thrilled to join us (there were 10 of us in all). Sadly, my dad has now had to move into a care home and our wonderful carer is looking for a new live in position. She is the same age as our daughters (early 40s) and I am so fond of her that I sometimes feel I have another daughter. She still visits my dad and he is so fond of her that he cries when she appears. My 98 year old dad never cries. She has never taken advantage of our close relationship in any way.

It seems like a nice idea but if your husband is uncomfortable with it then I wouldn't.

I'd never impose a guest on my wife at Christmas that made her uncomfortable or would make her feel awkward and I'd expect her to show me the same courtesy.

So unless your husband has form for deciding non family members can attend Christmas unilaterally I'd probably leave it.

You cant really if your dh doesn't want too.

I would assume she is going to be invited for the Xmas lunch , bit of socialising and drinking . End of night , go to her own space . An invite for Xmas dinner doesn't mean she wants to be with you until NYD.
Who else is going to be there if it's just you and your DH as the household? Is that why he doesn't seem keen ?

I think it’s a lovely gesture, OP

Well you sound bloody horrible. What a nasty attitude. I pity anyone who works for you.