To invite housekeeper for Christmas?

[SpiltLatte]

We have a live in house keeper/PA who is brilliant, I couldn’t manage without her. She lives in our house but her bedroom has its own corridor with her own bathroom and a staircase directly down to the kitchen (which hasits own door to outside) so it’s kind of like a little flat.

Last year at Christmas she went home to spend it with her parents. She had a miserable time and came back quite depressed. I won’t go into it but it’s not a great relationship.

so this year I’m thinking of asking her to stay here for Christmas and spend it with us as part of the (very small!) family. DH thinks this is weird and will come across as such. Is it?

What do you mean ‘someone like this’?

Someone ‘like this’?

The help.

Yes, that's right. The help.

Wow. She is a career housekeeper/PA… it’s not 1845…. You’ve got to be a troll?

yeah sure

I think it’s lovely to invite her OP. Different situation as I was a tenant in an annexe but my ex-landlords invited me to spend Christmas with them and their family one year I was on my own and I was very grateful. I’d find it odd to live in someone’s house and not have at least a companionable relationship.

Don't come for me. I'm just giving my opinion the same as everyone else on here.
If you don't like it, move on. We don't need to debate.

Not coming at you but I’m shocked that people still refer to anyone as ‘the help’ in this day and age! Service roles are career roles these days, and not servants. Gosh I’ve had many birthday and Christmas meals out with employers in the past as part of the family while still retaining a professional position. While working. Much like different levels in an office setting having a Christmas party together. Sounds very snooty and outdated… Many ‘service’ roles such as Nannie’s, PA’s etc are highly educated by the way. Multi degrees.

I think your relationship with her is unique and it only matters if it feels right to you.

But is her reason for going to her parents that there’s no other commitments or does she feel obliged to go and see them at least on Christmas, even though they are difficult parents?

🙄

Someone like this? Are you the Dowager Lady Grantham? FFS.

You wouldn't have a human being at your dinner table on Christmas Day?

I am picturing one of those bars from Star Wars......

When I was a live in groom I was always included in their Xmas. As was the farmhand. They treated us like family. We always ate with them on Sunday evenings too.

Nice idea I guess, but I think your husband is signalling that he's not too keen on the idea 👍

I don't know why everyone's suddenly angry at me.

I just responded to OP that it's not how I believe things should be done. It's just my personal opinion, which I'm entitled to. I didn't mean to offend anyone who does these sorts of jobs.

Fine if you normally eat together but it could be weird to have one meal together then for your housekeeper to go back to separate meals.
It could be seen as patronising to assume that her difficult mum and your family are her only options though. It’s her Christmas and she can no doubt make an arrangement that works for her. If she tells you she’s decided not to go away, you might ask then if she’d like to join you for Christmas lunch, if it feels ok and your family are on board.

I had a group of friends that I went on holiday with every year. Once year I invited another friend from a different group.

nothing went wrong particularly but it changed the vibe and I enjoyed it less.

this other friend then expected an invite the following year and it was awkward when it wasn’t forthcoming!

I think it’s quite risky as you set a precedent.

I think it was probably the way you worded it. You sounded a little stuck up.

Yes, I suppose I am. And I'm ok with that.

Bullshit

You are trying to get a reaction. Very embarrassing for you.

Mmmm.... I kind of feel it's more embarrassing for you - the person reacting.

This was my thought. He needs to be on-board.