To think some people have kids to trap partners, not because they want children?

[ThatTaupeFox]

I’ve seen situations where a pregnancy seems less about loving children and more about locking someone in. AIBU to think “baby-trapping” is more common than people admit?

You find a doctor that would willingly sterilise a woman - particularly one below say 35 without any children.

It’s also major surgery with a huge recovery time and risks for a woman - a vasectomy isn’t even remotely comparable.

Given it is women who get pregnant and therefore have the final choice over carrying on with the pregnancy or terminating, they don’t need to take the drastic route of being sterilised. Men who don’t want to risk becoming a father either need to abstain or have a vasectomy as they cannot force a woman to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. It’s about what control you have yourself.

Sterilization is the most reliable method of preventing conception and so if a woman is sure she doesn't want to have children it would make sense.
It was the option I took after having two children and I have no regrets, obviously other women should weigh things up according to their own situation.

It's a dumb way to trap a man, if that's what you're after - they're not exactly known for shelving their own desires and sticking around for the kids.

I do think a lot of women are dishonest about contraception because they want a baby and their partner is undecided. But it's the height of male arrogance to assume it's about the man and not the baby!

Every bloody day! Do you think she has some kind of Goady Thread Generator alongside whatever spits out her random usernames?

I think if someone has a fear of their partner leaving/being alone then it’s two reasons to have a baby - it might make him stay and the woman will never be alone/will always have someone to love them

Agree, definitely seen this and people have admitted it to me

I think in my BIL gf desperately wanted someone to love her and wanted to love someone in return while keeping her relationship stronger (because of arguing). My BIL being a stupid bloke took no responsibility for his own fertility, mental health or physical wellbeing and ta-da my nephew was born 9 months later into a total shitshow (all while they were homeless, going through trauma therapy and social services). Even now they are on and off again. Constantly breaking up. His ex gf still wants another baby and he's still going around to sleep with her. Both deeply troubled, but both deeply stupid.

I have my doubts. More likely unplanned babies come about from men who refuse to wear condoms at all, which reduces the risk of contraception failure.

Yes yanbu.
Theres a couple I know of that got married after only being together for two months as I quote “we cant have a child (she has 4 and he has 3) so we are getting married instead!” 😬

Yup

It’s mainly women on here. They’re more likely to post about having it done to them than admit to having done it themselves.

JFC did she find out before getting pregnant?

Yes. Why not? Problem is that it's hard for a woman to get the medics to agree because 'she might change her mind'. Because of course women can't make those decisions, everyone knows that.

I absolutely think women should be allowed sterilisation if they don't want children. And if they change their minds... tough.

First post nails it for me.

Not taking correctly is one of the biggest ones.

I have a friend who tells EVERYONE that she got pregnant on the pill and she “must just be highly fertile” and she can’t believe it happened to her etc. Reality is she never remembered to take it. She used to tell me how she’d accidentally miss 3-4 in a row and then take them all in one go. She’d run packs together then have random weeks off when she fancied a break or felt “she needed to bleed” (whatever that meant). Strangely enough she never mentions this to anyone. I once mentioned it when she was telling a mutual friend. Her response was “No I only sometimes missed a couple! That doesn’t affect getting pregnant it’s just because I’m very fertile!”

Yeah, it happens. I think sometimes it's more a subconscious decision that a conscious one, though. I did know one person who suspected (correctly) that her husband was planning to leave her and deliberately got pregnant to stop him. It worked at the time but he eventually left her a few years later, for the same woman he was planning to leave her for the first time around.

I did know someone back in 1970 who did that, but she wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, poor thing

It really isn’t considered “major surgery”, not any more, it’s keyhole day surgery, three to five days recovery time. Yes a bigger deal than vasectomy but still considered minor surgery. I do take your point about it being more difficult to get than asectomy though.

Far less longer term risks with a vasectomy.
Why don't men want to take some control over their reproduction?

I think it would be more likely they just wanted a baby. There is no legal duty to stay with a partner just because you’ve had a baby, so I don’t know why anybody would think this would work?