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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to hand me down the nintendo switch from my step son?

39 replies

Slipthroughthenet · 31/08/2025 21:39

My step son (11) has grown tired of his old nintendo switch since getting a phone and he said he was going to leave it at our house (lives between us and his mum).
My DP, his dad, who originally paid for the console suggested he could sell it. (He is going through a phase of trying to teach him about finances, earning money, saving etc). My step son seemed interested in the idea. I was in the vicinity and at the same time as this was being said i said what if i would like to use it or could we keep it to hand on to my children when they are ready for a console (currently 4 and 1).
Now my DP and step son are making the suggestion i should buy the console from step son. i’ve been an active part of his life for 7 years and have, I perceive, to have been generous with, more often than not saying yes to his requests such as giving him my old kindle, letting him various possessions and things of mine that he takes a shine to over the years. But admittedly probably not to something or this monetary value. Now my DP is suggesting i offer a price to my step son to negotiate.
My DP said he would in his family buy things from his older brother such as a console, a bike, a car.
In my mind I feel for an 11 year old who was originally given it as a gift, if he is no longer interested in it it should be fair game for a hand me down? in my family we would hand me down consoles from my older sister to me. or surely if anyone would sell it it would be his dad who paid for it then to get some money back to contribute to the next expensive electronic item that a preteen might have on his radar. But if other people in the family want it and have a need for it wouldn’t it make more sense to just keep it? For reference the bundle is worth about £150-200. I feel it is just worth more being kept in the family. maybe if he was a bit older like 16 and put his own money in to buy it, it would make more sense to me? I don’t know it just feels weird. AIBU?

OP posts:
HerecomesMargo · 31/08/2025 21:43

I’m with you. It wouldn’t even be a question that if a family member wants it you pass it on.
However it does come down to your dp keeping the kids separate in his mind even though they are his kids. It’s really giving you an idea how his mind works. If this was also your child, there’s no way your dp would ask you to buy it. Shows you were the line is drawn doesn’t it.

Nanamuffin · 31/08/2025 21:45

There is an easy out. Your children are 4 and 1. They’ll hardly use it at this age and in a couple years time you could get one cheaper. Considering the new switch came out a few months ago you should aim to get a used one of the newer version in a few years.
And not all old switch games cannot be used on the new switch either!

DP I think the children can wait a few years best let DS maximise his income and sell it properly.

anitarielleliphe · 31/08/2025 21:46

Slipthroughthenet · 31/08/2025 21:39

My step son (11) has grown tired of his old nintendo switch since getting a phone and he said he was going to leave it at our house (lives between us and his mum).
My DP, his dad, who originally paid for the console suggested he could sell it. (He is going through a phase of trying to teach him about finances, earning money, saving etc). My step son seemed interested in the idea. I was in the vicinity and at the same time as this was being said i said what if i would like to use it or could we keep it to hand on to my children when they are ready for a console (currently 4 and 1).
Now my DP and step son are making the suggestion i should buy the console from step son. i’ve been an active part of his life for 7 years and have, I perceive, to have been generous with, more often than not saying yes to his requests such as giving him my old kindle, letting him various possessions and things of mine that he takes a shine to over the years. But admittedly probably not to something or this monetary value. Now my DP is suggesting i offer a price to my step son to negotiate.
My DP said he would in his family buy things from his older brother such as a console, a bike, a car.
In my mind I feel for an 11 year old who was originally given it as a gift, if he is no longer interested in it it should be fair game for a hand me down? in my family we would hand me down consoles from my older sister to me. or surely if anyone would sell it it would be his dad who paid for it then to get some money back to contribute to the next expensive electronic item that a preteen might have on his radar. But if other people in the family want it and have a need for it wouldn’t it make more sense to just keep it? For reference the bundle is worth about £150-200. I feel it is just worth more being kept in the family. maybe if he was a bit older like 16 and put his own money in to buy it, it would make more sense to me? I don’t know it just feels weird. AIBU?

First of all your logic that a "gift" given to your stepson should be fair game to a another family member as a hand-me-down negates the whole idea of a gift.

A gift is something one gives to another person without pre-conditions set that you want it back once it's not used to do what you want to do with it. If that is how you "give" gifts, then you are not really giving a gift. You are merely "loaning" it.

Further, you mention that your DP is trying to teach his son some lessons about personal finances, and logically, presented the opportunity for you to be a part of that lesson when you expressed an interest in the gift for the eventual use by your 1 and 4 year old.

Why would you not be happy to do that?

And finally, the odds that your 1 and 4 year old will even be interested in that console, which will be out of date, by the time at which video games should be age-appropriate means that there is a greater likelihood they won't even want that console.

Neodymium · 31/08/2025 21:46

My son had a occulus that he didn’t want anymore that my other son played with. I got told on here I was an evil mother who should die and unfit to have children for thinking he should give it to his brother rather than sell it to his brother

R0ckandHardPlace · 31/08/2025 21:47

Kids tire of consoles, then in a few months a new game will come out and they’ll start playing it again. It belongs to him. How would you feel if somebody demanded you give your stuff away, even if you barely used it? It’s one thing to give away stuff freely of your own free will, but quite another to be forced to do it.

Diarygirlqueen · 31/08/2025 21:47

It was his dad who bought it for him, so it's the ss decision what he wants to do with it.

iirbRosb · 31/08/2025 21:48

Weirdly enough we have the same scenario but my instinct was to offer to buy it from DSC; it’s their property and something they can make money from so I don’t see why I should expect them to forgo what is quite a lot of money.
Sorry to sound harsh but the fact that you’ve done a lot for him doesn’t mean he “owes you”.
Also I think it’s all a bit by the by considering your children’s ages as by the time they’re really interested in games consoles technology may have moved on and it’ll be old kit.

StrawBeretMoose · 31/08/2025 21:51

This is far too messy.

It belongs to a child, not a family gift (back
in the day my parents bought a Wii or whatever for everyone but this is his personal gift). So if he got money would he be expected to keep some for younger siblings?

The kid should sell the console and put money towards something else he wants.

When the time comes for younger kids to be interested in gaming get them something more current.

Laura95167 · 31/08/2025 21:52

I think YABU because a 4 and 1 year old have no interest in a switch. So it would be you playing it..

As an adult i think you should offer DSS a fair price for it, look at cash converters or eBay sold prices and use that as a guide. Additionally this is DSSs item so really its on him to keep it sell it or gift it as he likes.

I may have agreed more with you if DC were 7 or 8 and interested in it. That if he didnt want it he could give it to a younger sibling.

But defo think you wanting his tech for free for a child who wont touch it for at least 2 years is unreasonable

SummerInSun · 31/08/2025 21:52

Leaving aside all these complexities about the ethics of hand downs, I agree with PP who said that by the time your kids are old enough to play with it in 3 or 4 years it will likely be redundant tech anyway.

Frankly I’m slightly amazed that the 11 year old thinks that a phone is a substitute for a console with heaps of games. Phone games are simply not of the sophistication as console games. How on earth much time are his parents allowing him to spend on his phone and what’s he actually doing with it? I suspect he’ll regret getting rid of the switch, which is the main reason I’d hang onto it.

AffableApple · 31/08/2025 21:53

I don't understand. It was a gift, and he owns it: He can sell it, throw it away, let it gather dust; do what he wants with it, surely?

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 31/08/2025 21:54

Why on earth should he give his gift to your kids? Confused

Dairymilkisminging · 31/08/2025 21:55

Are you sure it's worth that much? I've been looking at switches for Xmas and that seems steep. Growing up we got hand me downs but when we had our own money we buy from each other. My brothers are massive gamers always getting high spec pcs every so often I'll buy one off them when they upgrade.

Roseshavethorns · 31/08/2025 21:57

I agree with your dh. It was a gift so belongs to your stepson. He can do what he wants with it. I certainly wouldn't expect him to just give it to me if he had intended to sell it.
On a more practical note by the time your children are ready to play with consoles it will be very old. You would be better waiting and getting them the newer version.

autienotnaughty · 31/08/2025 21:59

It’s quite an expensive item. He could sell it for around £60 depending on condition which is a lot of money for a child. My ds just got switch 2 and is going to sell his original switch I wouldn’t insist he miss out financially it’s his console.

Ilovesshopping · 31/08/2025 22:03

I think yabu. Whenever my son sells one of his Xmas / bday gifts he keeps the money to put it towards something new. Even I had to buy his old iPad off of him.
Besides as pp have mentioned, it will be outdated by the time your kids are ready for it.

Cherry8809 · 31/08/2025 22:11

You sound incredibly grabby and entitled.

GoAwayAutumn · 31/08/2025 22:24

Because dh has suggested selling it he has set an idea on dss's head that he will now rightly want to go with and it's a very sensible thing to want to teach his son. At 4-1 you've still got a few years before this is even a consideration. In all reality you'll probably end up buying dc2 one of the newer switches.

I think the lesson dh is trying to teach dss is the priority here over £150. Also, with that age gap there is a reality that oldest DC will pass down lots to youngest DC but that's not reciprocal in any way. DH is being a good dad and doing the right thing.

Snoken · 31/08/2025 22:29

I'm with your DH on this. It was a gift and the son should do what he wants with it. If the assumption is that whenever a gift is no longer being used it automatically belongs to everybody or that it goes back to the gift giver then that isn't a gift. You sound incredibly entitled and grabby. This has nothing to do with you, it's up to the son to do what he wants and your DH is trying to help him see how it can still work in his favour, even though he has gone off the actual item.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/08/2025 22:41

Totally with your DH.

A gift belongs to the receiver. Once they’ve been given it, it’s theirs. They can sell it on or keep it or throw it away. They don’t have to immediately give it to a sibling once they’ve lost interest in it.

NuffSaidSam · 31/08/2025 22:44

YABU.

It's his. It's for him to decide what he wants to do with it. It's that simple.

(The hand me down idea doesn't work anyway because it will be years before your children are old enough and by them something new will be out and it will have lost all value)

Original poster
Slipthroughthenet · 31/08/2025 23:20

HerecomesMargo · 31/08/2025 21:43

I’m with you. It wouldn’t even be a question that if a family member wants it you pass it on.
However it does come down to your dp keeping the kids separate in his mind even though they are his kids. It’s really giving you an idea how his mind works. If this was also your child, there’s no way your dp would ask you to buy it. Shows you were the line is drawn doesn’t it.

This was the culture I was brought up in, if an item is gathering dust you suggest to the child to pass the old thing forward when they get a new interesting toy, it’s part of the motivation and perk of them getting new things especially when they are the first born and usually get newer items.
i think the assumptions in a lot of the comments above are that it’s possible to afford without a stretch new consoles for all the children. there’s an argument for cost saving and resource conservation within a family. also i don’t think it sends a good message about consumerism and the push of individualism goes a bit far. he is receiving many gifts from us, why shouldn’t we be encouraging him to also continue to flow? They are his siblings and that does mean something; i am by no means stating that he is obligated to pass things on but having a sibling does also have some meaning. to clarify, of course he can do what he wants with it, it is his and he owns it, it is not my step son who i’m questioning is being unreasonable by any stretch- of course an 11 year old if presented with the option of passing something on or selling it will choose to sell it; but he had no instinct to do this at all until it was suggested to him. if it had been suggested to him first to pass it on to the next child considering he has just got a new phone and is likely to get a new console at some point this year he would have happily just gone down that route. i question what was unreasonable is why would the first instinct of my DP not be to suggest he share it or return it so we could contribute to his new items in future if he no longer wants it, given there are other children. for the cost that it was originally paid for it and what it would get back second hand from a family finance perspective this makes most sense.
Also for commenters who are saying the console will be too old, and the children won’t use it, my DD is almost 5 and so it would probably be fine in around year for her, and we wouldn’t want her getting something too shiny and new an older console would be more ideal so she can get a few dings on it.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 31/08/2025 23:25

Slipthroughthenet · 31/08/2025 23:20

This was the culture I was brought up in, if an item is gathering dust you suggest to the child to pass the old thing forward when they get a new interesting toy, it’s part of the motivation and perk of them getting new things especially when they are the first born and usually get newer items.
i think the assumptions in a lot of the comments above are that it’s possible to afford without a stretch new consoles for all the children. there’s an argument for cost saving and resource conservation within a family. also i don’t think it sends a good message about consumerism and the push of individualism goes a bit far. he is receiving many gifts from us, why shouldn’t we be encouraging him to also continue to flow? They are his siblings and that does mean something; i am by no means stating that he is obligated to pass things on but having a sibling does also have some meaning. to clarify, of course he can do what he wants with it, it is his and he owns it, it is not my step son who i’m questioning is being unreasonable by any stretch- of course an 11 year old if presented with the option of passing something on or selling it will choose to sell it; but he had no instinct to do this at all until it was suggested to him. if it had been suggested to him first to pass it on to the next child considering he has just got a new phone and is likely to get a new console at some point this year he would have happily just gone down that route. i question what was unreasonable is why would the first instinct of my DP not be to suggest he share it or return it so we could contribute to his new items in future if he no longer wants it, given there are other children. for the cost that it was originally paid for it and what it would get back second hand from a family finance perspective this makes most sense.
Also for commenters who are saying the console will be too old, and the children won’t use it, my DD is almost 5 and so it would probably be fine in around year for her, and we wouldn’t want her getting something too shiny and new an older console would be more ideal so she can get a few dings on it.

Show quote history

I think your answer is in there.

You were brought up in a family that handed things down.

Your DH was brought up in a family where things were owned and sold.

Neither is right or wrong.

You can have a discussion with DH about how you raise your shared children in this regard. DH has chosen to share his family culture with his son.

I think that's completely understandable.

Original poster
Slipthroughthenet · 31/08/2025 23:44

NuffSaidSam · 31/08/2025 23:25

I think your answer is in there.

You were brought up in a family that handed things down.

Your DH was brought up in a family where things were owned and sold.

Neither is right or wrong.

You can have a discussion with DH about how you raise your shared children in this regard. DH has chosen to share his family culture with his son.

I think that's completely understandable.

Show quote history

I think this has been most helpful thanks

OP posts:
Dramatic · 31/08/2025 23:56

I'm going against the grain here but yanbu at all. I'd never even dream of charging family for something like an old console and I certainly wouldn't be allowing my kids to charge each other, or their step parent, for it either. That's not how family works imo.