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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP always taking driving stress out on me

51 replies

Dann87 · 31/08/2025 15:43

I would welcome any views here. DP drives - I don’t. Whenever he has any ‘stresses’ driving, mainly not being able to find a space, or being stuck in traffic for ages, he will always moan about being the only driver and how he is fed up. I feel like he just takes his stress out on me.

Context - we are both in our 30’s, I’ve tried learning years ago but didn’t get on with it. I did tell him early in our relationship I’d try to learn again and he always references this.

I just feel like he shouldn’t take his issues with it out on me…

OP posts:
MemorableTrenchcoat · 31/08/2025 15:48

When women post about being in a relationship with a non-driving man, replies range from ‘he’s a pathetic loser’ to ‘LTB’. So, buckle up!

WasThatACorner · 31/08/2025 15:48

Do you want to learn to drive Or do you have no intention of doing that? You need to be clear with him about that and make plans either way.

If not start arranging alternate transportation and offering that up. E.g. bus, train, walk, bike. If he refuses that option he has no right to moan at you.

Half of the journeys you do together you can have the stress of researching timings, Route etc and he can just show up.

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 31/08/2025 15:57

I drive, as does DH. However, I have friends of both sexes who really don't enjoy driving and depending on how much you drive and where, I understand how stressful, and tiring, it can be. Could you use public transport occasionally, could you try to learn again, even if you only took a little of the driving on and a different driving instructor can sometimes make a real difference. Worth trying to meet part way in this issue.

Pepperedpickles · 31/08/2025 15:58

I am in this situation with dh (reversed, I’m the driver). I cannot tell you how exasperating it is being the only driver. You need to give learning another go.

Izzywizzy85 · 31/08/2025 16:03

Well he’s right. It’s not fair that he has to drive every time. If you don’t like it, learn yourself and share the burden.

Radionowhere · 31/08/2025 16:07

Being the only driver in a relationship would piss me off and I would probably have a moan about it from time to time. Seems a cop out to refuse to learn because it might be a bit difficult.

ninjahamster · 31/08/2025 16:11

I had my license taken off me for a time due to MH issues and it was really hard on my DH. I think you should try to learn.

TaborlinTheGreat · 31/08/2025 16:12

I'm not sure 'didn't get on with it' is really a justification for making your husband be the sole driver forever. I never liked driving and it took me 3 goes to pass my test, but pass it I did.

SoftPillow · 31/08/2025 16:17

I was fellow reluctant driver who learnt as an adult. It wasn’t fair on my DH. My BIL doesn’t drive and it’s really unfair on my sister, and I often have to drive to help her when he can’t.

You need to stop the excuses and learn.

Pepperedpickles · 31/08/2025 16:21

TaborlinTheGreat · 31/08/2025 16:12

I'm not sure 'didn't get on with it' is really a justification for making your husband be the sole driver forever. I never liked driving and it took me 3 goes to pass my test, but pass it I did.

5 goes here. I think unless someone has a medical reason for not driving it’s something most can master if they just keep at it.

jonthebatiste · 31/08/2025 16:21

I have no truck with adults who can’t/wont drive and expect lifts. No, it doesn’t matter if you’re going there anyway. Think of it like cooking or doing the laundry or the housework: yes, I’ll be doing it anyway but it’s different if there are two people and one is ALWAYS freeloading off the other person’s effort. There comes a point when you’ve had enough. Driving is a chore: traffic and parking and filling up and MOTs and servicing are all pitas. Pull your weight, do your share. “Didn’t get on with it” isn’t an option. I don’t get on with mopping the floor. I still have to do it.

Mangetouts · 31/08/2025 16:24

I learned to drive but DH twitches every time I get between the wheel. He's basically such a control freak that he has to drive. It's easier and less stressful to let him.

Iloveeverycat · 31/08/2025 16:32

Mangetouts · 31/08/2025 16:24

I learned to drive but DH twitches every time I get between the wheel. He's basically such a control freak that he has to drive. It's easier and less stressful to let him.

My DP drives all the time. He is a back seat driver so I refuse to drive with him in the car.

ginasevern · 31/08/2025 16:37

My late DH didn't drive. He had a minor accident whilst learning at age 17 and gave up. If ever I felt unwell or was up to my neck in other things, I couldn't ask him just to nip to the supermarket and I could never ask him to pick me up from somewhere. Being the sole driver is not nice. It's not just about the driving either, it's also all the responsibility of the MOT, getting the car fixed if something goes wrong, sorting the insurance etc. I think you should start lessons again OP.

DoYouReally · 31/08/2025 16:43

Unless there's a medical reason you can't drive, you are being unreasonable.

I'm a partner not a chauffeur and wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who can't drive.

PoshDuckQuarkQuark · 31/08/2025 16:45

Being the only driver is stressful.

If you struggled in a manual car then try an automatic. Much easier.

Jitterbuggs · 31/08/2025 16:48

He's basically asking you to learn to drive.

I learned to drive in my early twenties, but failed the test. I started lessons up again five years later and it was all much easier the second go around. Give it a go, may be easier than you think!

FrogFalacy · 31/08/2025 16:48

Op gently you did say you’d give driving another go, so why don’t you?
I don’t get on with working a stressful job but sadly have to do it! I also hate driving - guess what I do that too.

ARichtGoodDram · 31/08/2025 17:03

What do you mean by you didn't get on with it?

If you were genuinely a dangerous driver - lack of spatial awareness, can't judge speeds etc - then don't try and learn again. Speak to him and work out an alternative that works. Don't become another shit driver on the road.

If it wasn't that then seriously consider giving it another go.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 31/08/2025 17:50

I think you need to take turns to do transport, and when it’s your tuen you plan and pay for the route by public transport so it’s not on him. Then that’s fair.

SparrowFeet · 31/08/2025 17:53

I would say at least half of people that have licenses 'didn't get on with it.' They did it anyway. Learning to drive sucks. You just need to get on with it.

Shinyandnew1 · 31/08/2025 18:22

I did tell him early in our relationship I’d try to learn again and he always references this.

I don't blame him! Why haven't you learnt to drive since?!

I would hate to be the only driver in the house-it just puts massive amounts of pressure on the other person to always be the default driver. If there's no medical reason for it, it's exceptionally selfish.

Book some lessons.

Blablibladirladada · 01/09/2025 19:00

Just try again as you said and hopefully if he sees you don’t get on with it, he will let it go.

If it is the opposite, unfortunately, you might find that it is a deal breaker in a sense that you’ll never hear the end of it.

gamerchick · 01/09/2025 19:03

Nah man, I was forced to learn. So should everyone else.

Or leave the car at home and nobody does the driving.

Or meet him there.

He's pissed off with it, it's not fair being the only driver.

Teladi · 01/09/2025 19:06

YABU, sorry

Agree with others that if you don't have a medical reason not to drive and you have a need to drive (which it sounds like you do if there is driving happening) you should

I did have a medical reason not to drive (which I then recovered from) Asking my DH to do all the driving and getting lifts places was rubbish. He was very gracious about it but he would have been within his rights to get the hump sometimes

Unless you live in a metropolitan area which is v well served with public transport, get it sorted