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Original poster

To think BF is jealous of my friendships

72 replies

These · 30/08/2025 22:03

I, 29, have been with my BF, also 29, for nearly 2 years (we don’t live together). I also have a few close friends I’ve known since school and whenever tell him about one of my meet ups with them, he just has to make an unfunny joke about me being a secret lesbian. He also says negative things about my friends all the time like if I pick my a friend up he’ll call her a freeloader and warn me to be careful of her because she only cares about what she can take from me. However he’ll flip the switch if one of them comments something nice on my Facebook or Instagram and make her out to be a lesbian who secretly fancies me. This is a very common occurrence, him accusing me or my friends of being lesbians because we’re good friends and it’s getting boring.

OP posts:
PollyBell · 31/08/2025 09:06

So why are you with him then? Why do people complain yet do nothing about it?

ColinOfficeTrolley · 31/08/2025 09:10

Urgh he sounds pathetic. Please read every single comment on here. We're all saying the same thing.

Time is precious. Don't waste it on a wanker.

toomuchfaff · 31/08/2025 09:12

Scottishskifun · 30/08/2025 22:10

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
See the comments from your bf for what they are!

Edited

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩... hes telling you loud and clear. Listen to him.

Bin him. Aside from the fact hes a raging homophobe, he's immature, selfish and a prick. Hes also telling you hes an abusive dickwad.

Bin him.

toomuchfaff · 31/08/2025 09:16

if your gut has pushed you to create a MN post and come to MN to get internet strangers perspective - you already know its shit. Trust your perception. Hes not the one. Bin him and move on.

OfftoWorkIGo · 31/08/2025 09:19

How ridiculous. How long can you put up with that for?

beezlebubnicky · 31/08/2025 09:21

This is a major and serious red flag, as other posters have said. He's using a classic abuser tactic.

I know it's not easy to leave a relationship, but I'd be thinking about how to end things safely with him as soon as possible. You're only 29, you have so much time to meet someone nicer who won't feel insecure about your friends.

TwelvePercent · 31/08/2025 09:25

You need to challenge this because it's either him trying to stop you going out (nope).
Or he's jealous - having no friends is his issue to resolve, it's not your responsibility to be on hand to be his entertainment.
Or of course he thinks he's a comedy genius.

'Brian, is there a problem with me seeing my friends, because all the 'lesbian' comments do is make me feel like you don't want me to go out.'

And if he says 'its only a joke' tell him it wasn't funny 2 years ago and now it's just predictable and annoying everytime you make plans with anyone who isn't him. Can he please stop.

Why doesn't he have any friends to go out with?

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 31/08/2025 09:31

Huge red flags.
Not only is he trying to isolate from your friends I’m always suspicious of men who don’t have friends of their own.

It’ll only get worse, believe me.

LaughingCat · 31/08/2025 09:39

Christ, more red flags than a semaphore conference.

He sounds like he’s controlling at worst or just lame at best - no friends and a terrible sense of humour doesn’t sound like a best case scenario that I’d want to put up with long-term.

Think of yourself in 15 years time. Do you want to be 44, couple of kids maybe and still hearing this dreary crap every time you want to see a mate? Never host a BBQ or go to Christmas do’s? Just him, at home, making you feel uncomfortable every time you want to engage in a social life outside your home?

If that’s a no, then you know what to do.

nomas · 31/08/2025 09:52

These · 30/08/2025 22:13

@MySweetMaggie I get the impression it’s more because he doesn’t have any friends, he’s envious that I do, rather than him trying to isolate me.

Do you see the link? If he isolates you from your friends then you will spend all your time with him because he has no friends.

Aside from anything, it’s so childish of him to see female friendships as lesbian. Does it bother give you the ick?

user2848502016 · 31/08/2025 09:57

If you have kids with this guy he’s going to be the dad who sulks about being left with the kids if you want to do anything with friends, he’ll be getting the kids to call you “because they miss mummy” or messaging you about some tiny little problem so you feel guilty about leaving them, and you will see your friends less and less because it will just be easier not to

Daleksatemyshed · 31/08/2025 10:38

Important question Op is why doesn't he have any friends because it's unusual to have none at all. I wonder if he thinks because he only needs you that you should feel the same, if he ever speaks those words then run like bloody hell @These

JustSawJohnny · 01/09/2025 18:38

He's waving his insecurities in front of your face in the form of a ginormous, red flag.

Ask yourself why he doesn't want you to have friends.

Better still, ask him what his problem is, and let him know how big of a twat he's being.

I really think this relationship sounds unhealthy.

He's telling you who he is. Believe him.

crazeekat · 01/09/2025 18:44

Oh dear, u seriously need to get rid of this guy before you actually can’t get rid of him. He is a dangerous person, and starting to show his true colours, op get rid of him quickly. I’m sure ur friends can see through him. Tell them what he says and see their reaction. Get out.

crazeekat · 01/09/2025 18:46

These · 30/08/2025 22:13

@MySweetMaggie I get the impression it’s more because he doesn’t have any friends, he’s envious that I do, rather than him trying to isolate me.

Op if you are making excuses for him already. He is a dangerous man. Believe me, the friends are only the start. Get away from him. Don’t say u weren’t warned

Lafufufu · 01/09/2025 18:48

These · 30/08/2025 22:13

@MySweetMaggie I get the impression it’s more because he doesn’t have any friends, he’s envious that I do, rather than him trying to isolate me.

Ohhhhh I see.... so he's slowly conditioning you to "choose" to see less and less of your friends by making shitty comments and being difficult because he has none himself and is jealous of you (which is always the foundation for a good relationship) NOT because he's controlling... oh well that's okay then 😒

If you insist on continuing the relationship do yourself 2 favours.

  1. Dont make this clown your husband
  2. Don't breed with him

He wont make a good husband or life partner and doesnt have your best.interests at heart - You've been warned.

nam3c4ang3 · 01/09/2025 18:49

So he has no friends and wants you to have none either?! Wake the fuck up and RUN. This is classic isolation. Don’t be like so many of the poor women who married twats like these and had kids with them only to find years down the road that they have nothing and no one as the guys have isolated them form everything.

PotatoLove · 01/09/2025 18:50

OP, this is what abusive men do to start to isolate you. Yes, it may be "just friends" now but that's how it starts.

Red Flags.

pikkumyy77 · 01/09/2025 18:57

These · 30/08/2025 22:13

@MySweetMaggie I get the impression it’s more because he doesn’t have any friends, he’s envious that I do, rather than him trying to isolate me.

One stems from the other. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t love to see you happy and surrounded by friends. Love and friendship are not a zero sum game. More friends for you doesn’t mean fewer for him.

Also, by the way, the accusation that you and your friends are closet lesbians is just fucking weird. If you wanted to be with women you just would be. Why the paranoid accusations? There is no universe in which it makes sense. So this “bf” is a massively stupid and ill intentioned person. That you haven’t booted him in the ass is a sign of how badly you are misreading the situation. He is an absolute idiot snd there is no reason to continue in a relationship with him. You could do better with a mechanical sex toy or a ONS. At least these would not judge you.

BMW6 · 01/09/2025 19:01

He's an immature jealous Jerk.

Surely you can do better than this?

binkie163 · 01/09/2025 19:37

Why doesn't he have friends? I would consider that a red flag. He must be unpleasant to not have any school/university/work friends or maybe he just doesn't want you to meet people from his past (big red flag). Have you met his family?
He is a twat to keep making comments to stop you seeing your girlfriends, tbh if someone is a lesbian it is none of his business. Luckily you don't live together. How would he react if you wanted to meet male friend for coffee?
Throw him back and find a man that supports you to have friends, who loves you, trusts you and also has his own friends.

Left · 01/09/2025 19:39

What is the point of him? He sounds very tedious. Doesn’t really matter why he does this, or why he’s jealous, you don’t have to tolerate it.

missymousey · 01/09/2025 20:11

Ex DP was like this. Once I'd given up and stopped seeing friends or colleagues outside work, he started taking the piss about how much I called my mum and sister. I left before he made my world any smaller.

Horses7 · 01/09/2025 20:47

It’s the start…..he’s hoping you’ll see less of your friends eventually hardly seeing them at all, then slowly he’ll move on to others before finally moving on to your family members.
He's trying to isolate you, it won’t get better because he can’t and won’t change, it’s part of his personality.
Of course at other times he’ll be loving and charming to you and others but he won’t be able to sustain his good behaviour.
You’ll end up being a shell of your former self as your confidence in yourself will drop, then he’ll be in control and you’ll be miserable and dependent on him.
It happens quite often and it’s happened to friends of mine.
I’d be very worried if I were you - run for the hills it won’t end well. 🚩🚩🚩 🚩

Justnevergetsthere · 01/09/2025 20:54

He wants you all to himself. The comments will grind you down slowly. Red flags and boiling frogs....run!!

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