To not go on holiday

[funtimetoni]

18 months ago a group of us booked to go on a holiday of a lifetime a 2 week guided tour. Bit by bit all bar 2 of us have dropped out, due to unavoidable circumstances. I was close to the other person still going but 3 months ago she suddenly ghosted me with absolutely no explanation. It took a little while to realize as we were both busy but it became apparent when she deleted me on all social media.
Now it’s less than a month until the holiday and I feel physically sick at the thought of spending a fortnight in her company although I’d still love to do the trip. The way she’s behaved towards me has had a huge impact on my mental health and wellbeing and I have no desire to rekindle our friendship.

As it’s an organized tour there will be approximately 12 of us on the trip.

so am I being unreasonable to be seriously considering not going and losing a substantial amount of money.

Do you have friends in common who are going? Have you discussed this conundrum with anyone else who knows you both?

Can you find out if she still planning on going? Imagine if you both decided not to go!

Of course YANBU.

She doesn't want you to go and has probably dropped out anyway, or absolutely will do.

She doesn't want to be alone with you either and has probably pulled out herself!

I would go alone,hold your head up high on the off chance she still goes and enjoy your trip :)

Can any of the mutual friends shed light on what has happened?

Is she still going?
Sounds like she might have dropped out.

There will be 10 other people there anyway.
You wouldn't have to pair up with her.
Go and enjoy yourself .

She’s deleted her social media, or deleted you?
can you contact the travel operator and switch yourself to a single traveller accommodation so you don’t have to share with her?
I would still go, especially as it’s something you want to do, there are plenty of other people to be around. Ghost her the same. She is a stranger to you now, no need to be anything other than cordial.

I’d pretty much convinced myself she wasn’t going and been excited studying itinerary, holiday shopping etc. Saw a mutal friend today who confirmed she’s definitely going to, which has totally floored me.

Are you sure she's still going? I think I'd contact the tour company and find out.

If you end up going alone/with a group of strangers will you be okay with that?

We posted at the same time. Well bloody hell, that's going to be awkward isn't it? I wonder why she ghosted you, when she knows she's going on holiday with you? She sounds very strange tbh. I don't blame you for not wanting to go. I don't think I'd want to either, although if there are going to be 10 other people maybe it won't be too bad. Are you supposed to be sharing a room? A camel ride? Other things that are going to be super awkward?

I don’t know anyone else going. It’s private rooms so no sharing.

The tour company is not going to reveal this confidential information unless the OP has booked on her ex friends behalf.

OP this is shocking and terrible behaviour from this awful person. I'm not sure what you should do. Can you get your money back and rebook another time?

I’d go. If it’s once in a lifetime and you have spent money.

Don’t let a ghoster make you feel uncomfortable. It’s her loss, and she’s clearly not a nice person or a true friend.

She’s probably not expecting you to turn up.

Go! Enjoy your own room and privacy. Either kill her with kindness or just completely blank her. You may be able to make friends with other people once you’re there.

Go! There’s other people there and you can be civil
all sound weird so maybe she’s has stuff going on? No excuse but don’t loose money and miss out

How will you feel, when the time comes, knowing that she's off enjoying the holiday and you're sat at home out of pocket ??

If picturing this scenario makes you feel relieved and your MH better..then cancel. Sod the money. You can maybe go another time.

If it makes you feel sad, disappointed, miserable ok angry..go on the holiday and just ignore her. Meet new people. There'll be 10 of them, only one of her.

I’ve done a lot of independent travel so no concerns about the actual trip.

Who is the lead booker. She couldn’t have cancelled your tickets could she?

I would definitely go on the trip

Personally no, I wouldn't go. This sounds like an intimate tour with just 10 other people and you'll be spending a lot of time in each other's company. There's no way you'll be able to avoid her and you'll spend your holiday trying to do just that. That's the opposite of fun. She might also try to cosy up to other people on the trip and make you feel like an outlier. I assume she's hoping you don't go.

Don't let her ruin it for you! Go on the holiday, chat to the other 12 people, don't worry about whether she talks to you or not.

Take a pair of earpods so if you are stuck sitting near her, you can zone out ( or pretend to!)

Go, you don’t know whats happened & why she’s ghosted you & that’s on her for not communicating & giving you the option to either defend yourself or apologise. Why are you feeling awkward from your perspective you’ve done nothing wrong & the person who has behaved poorly is your ex mate. She should be feeling awkward. I think every relationship has a power imbalance & im assuming in this one she holds it or is very much trying to.

even if you have inadvertently done something wrong she’s still abused your friendship & hasn’t given you the right to reply. Take the power back from her. She hasn’t respected you enough to tell you & has left you in the linbo, however, I do think despite noticing you’re off her SM you should have played dumb & sent her a checking in message to say you’ve been busy but checking in to see she’s ok. I’m changing my mind as I write this now. You have also avoided conflict by also doing your own version of ghosting. Go on this holiday. Hold you lr head high. I hold 2 views, you’re both as bad as each other (she slightly worse) you may reconcile. At worst you don’t but my first point stands you don’t know what you’ve done. But stop giving her this much power. You’re happy to go solo on this trip you have your own itinerary it’ll be awkward for but a day or 2 & you’ll either make up or you’ll zone her out

Go. If anyone should feel awkward it’s her, she’s the one who ghosted you and will have to face you when you see her. I’d say a breezy hi to her, treat her the same as you would any of the other 10 people on the trip. If she decides to ignore you or be rude it will be obvious to everyone else there who the dick is.

I understand your worries but I don’t think you should allow someone’s childish behaviour to make you miss out on a great experience and lose loads of money. It isn’t fair. Brazen it out and see how she responds.

@funtimetoni did you end up going?

Deleted because I realise that someone has resurrected a zombie

Have you actually asked her what’s going on? I would message and say ‘Look, we’re both going on this holiday. There seems to be an issue as I’ve not heard from you and you’ve blocked me on social. Shall we discuss what’s going on so as to avoid any awkwardness while we’re away?’

Give her the opportunity to tell you if you’ve pissed off. If she doesn’t reply, well, how awkward is the holiday going to be for her?! Just go and have a great time. Even if you feel uncomfortable, front it out and make the best of it. Don’t lose the money or the chance to go!