Am I being oversensitive?

[DandyDenimScroller]

Massive backstory so as not to drip feed.
DH brother and his now wife do not like me, the reason being because dh sent BIL a pic of me in a dress showing off that he had a girlfriend. SIL thought it was me messaging her DP and upon first meeting was outright rude and we had an argument.
Myself and DH tried to fix it as MIL was upset .
Went to a restaurant, paid for them and their 2 kids and thought everything was fine and we could be atleast civil.
Went on holiday all together paid for by FIL and it was awful. They were rude and stayed away from us and I couldn't wait to go home.

On our wedding day she wore black and I tried hard to include them. In the end I wish I hadn't bothered so much trying to make them happy on OUR wedding day.
Lots of other things but at the moment I'm in the car (passenger) typing on my phone.
In the end I just couldn't be bothered with them and stayed out their way to keep them happy and hadn't seen them since their wedding day 1 year ago.
We are on our way home from our yearly holiday with PIL and they stayed in a local pub for 2 days (their kids stayed with the rest of us and so they could play with our DD)

My father passed away a week ago and they said nothing about it. No, sorry for your loss or anything like that.
FIL mentioned my dads order of service in front of MIL and them and still they said nothing. I was left alone with BIL and had to start a conversation otherwise I would probably have been moaned at to MIL.Mentioned I'd got a job as DD is old enough and starting school. Said it was to help my mum with house costs if any and still nothing.

When saying goodbye I said to FIL I appreciated what he was trying to do when he mentioned about my dad but it's obviously not going to happen (a friendship) between bil and sil. But now I'm second guessing Myself that I'm being oversensitive. AIBU? Didn't really help that both their children said I was evil (for no apparent reason) but they are 7 and 10 but still.

Have you had any support? (Therapy etc) You swing from they're cunts I don't give a shit (which is how I'd be) to saying your H can take the kids to see the cunts on Christmas Day. Your kids should be with YOU on Christmas Day.

You all sound as bad as each other if I am honest.
You all seem unhinged and unesscesarily involved in each other's lives.

No. I probably should as dad's death has clearly affected me more than I thought. Dh I don't think really understands how sad it is to lose a parent, and I have said to him he doesn't get it. It's not fair for ds to be miserable on Christmas day just because Im sad, thats why I don't mind that he'd take ds to his parents.

The cunts may be there if they don't have an oven/electricity working in their house.

I wouldn't worry about it now, Xmas is weeks away and the electrics/oven might be sorted by then.

You sound as bad as them if I am honest.

You clearly need help

How would she think it was you messaging her husband if the message came from your partner’s phone?

You need to talk to Women's aid if your awful husband is abusive and threatening to take your child.
This sounds like Coercive control which is a crime.
Have absolutely nothing further to do with any of them.
Talk to yoir GP about your MH and your husbands threats.
Create a paper trail with your GP.
Focus on being well.
Do not get pregnant again with him.
Focus on your health and well-being.

They sound like awful people.

I have no idea how her thought process works.

Apparently I'm just as bad according to other posters. Didn't realise I wasn't allowed to vent my anger and frustration out on here.

This is also a forum for discussion and debate.

I understand but I have tried everything to appease them and MIL and her want for everyone to act like one big happy family who all get along. But now I'm fed up and them not saying anything I think just was the final straw. I'm not afraid to say they're a pair of cunts for their behaviour and if mummy and daddy don't want to call out their eldests behaviour because "you know how he is " and are happy for me to be upset because of them then that's on them and says more about them than it does me.

He's not abusive and I have said that if they are their with their kids then ok it's fair enough. A 4 year old doesn't really want to spend Christmas at home with a parent who is grieving the first Christmas without a parent and it's not fair on ds.
I understand dh wants to see his parents but if the 2 pricks and the 2 brats are going to go then I refuse.

You have every right to be upset.
They sound absolutely toxic.
BIL is clearly golden child and the gobshite you married is the scapegoat in denial.
He cares only for himself.
He hasn't your back.

You do not have to tolerate this.

@DandyDenimScroller your husband sounds like a wet lettuce. He should have your back.

I feel bad though as previously mil and I were very close and of course she'd take her sons side over another sons wife.
I have said to dh if ds ever did something so nasty that I would be furious with him and would make him apologise, but apparently I wouldn't do that, says dh 🙄

I agree but he doesn't want to upset his parents and rock the boat further with his 'd' b.
Sil and bil are far more likely to refuse them seeing their grandchildren than I am. So then if that was to happen, naturally it would be mine and dhs fault for upsetting the petulant golden child and his bitch wife.