Why do I do nothing to change?

[Outofcontrol9876]

I have put on a stone, and my finances are not in great shape either.

I really want to get on top of things and lose weight, build some savings. I spend hours researching and know all the things to do. Every day, I do nothing about it and change nothing then feel more and more shit.

Can anyone give any insight or advice?

What is your 'why' of why you want to do those things? You have to find your motivating factor and you'll be away. Or you're comfortable where you are and don't really want to change, but feel you should. Feeling you should is quite different to actually wanting to and makes a big difference in motivation.

Deactivate your mumsnet account for starters

Would it help to break things into small steps? Say to yourself “Now I’m going to have a smaller breakfast than usual” (reducing calories) or “Now I’m going to have a small coffee at the coffee shops instead of a large” (saving money) just today - and then say it the next day (or something else) the next day?

@Outofcontrol9876 if you find the answer please share it with me as I'm exactly the same. I'm 56 so partly blaming peri menopause for the weight gain but I know that its because I'm eating too much and not doing any gym work any more.
I did do really well cutting down my phone use until last week when I got fed up after doing my finances and having no money left and now I'm on it every bloody evening. I did delete Twitter and a couple of newspaper apps and put time limits on everything else so it warns me but I'm back up to 3 or 4 hours a day again when I'd got it down to under 2!

Create a mind map.

Use coloured pens and have a colour for each category (there are probably other areas of life you need to look at to facilitate those two you have mentioned).

Write your name in the middle and then create the mind map around it and phrase them positively, in the present tense and as though you already are those things.

So everything related to weight/health, write in, say, green. It might include things like "I am a healthy weight"; "I eat balanced meals"; "I exercise twice a week"; "I cook from scratch" or whatever you want to do.

Then financial stuff in, say, orange - "I know exactly what my incomings and out goings are"; "i budget well"; "i provide for my future" or whatever is relevant to you. This is linked to identifying your motivation as *UniqueStork *mentioned.

Phrasing them positively means you can see yourself as that person. Rather than just researching and wanting to be it, you are that person you just need to make a few changes to see it.

Then, create SMART targets for each of them.

Categorise them as short, medium and long term goals. Eg cancelling unused/unwanted subscriptions, you could open your apps and do immediately; shop around and find better utility deals might be a medium term plan, finding another, better paying job, might be a longer term goal.

Then, create SMART targets. What are you going to do to achieve those things?

Eg weight, how much do you want to lose? By when? Or money. How much of your salary can you afford to save? What could you achieve in 6 months? 12 months?

I find writing things down helps to keep me accountable to myself. Otherwise, life just gets in the way of actually doing the things I want to do.

Oh and practical things like, if you save money by not buying a £5 coffee or whatever, put that £5 somewhere where you can see it.

My friend gave up.smoking and used an app to tell.him how much he'd saved and he found that really motivating because he could see the result rather than the money just being 'lost' in his account.

@UniqueStork I feel like I’m getting squashed by my middle in yoga poses. I get out of breath more easily. My clothes are all too tight. I’m avoiding wearing many items. I’m embarrassed to see people I know. I refuse to be in any photographs. I am scraping from one month to the next with a growing credit card creep.

@GreyCarpet that’s a great practical idea. I feel like I need someone to do it with and review it with me to help keep me on track. It seems to always be too much effort or get derailed. I found recommended PT last week and got in touch to start hoping that would give me some accountability, but the only slots she has available don’t fit in with my working hours

Just do a tiny bit each day in both areas, something achievable like not eating after 8pm and not buying something small like a coffee - then you will always be making progress and anything above that is a bonus? Needs to be something achievable and then make it non negotiable.

(re exercise I always say to myself it’s not up for discussion I just have to do it even in terrible weather because I never regret doing it, but I do regret not doing it.)

Ask her for a recommendation of someone else op

where there’s a will, there’s a way

How much does this PT charge? Let's say £30 a session? Were you intending to see her once a week? If so you had a budget of £120 a month to spend on a PT that you're currently not using.

Go to the Google play store now. Download trading212 and open an stocks and shares ISA. Put that £120 in now. Set up a monthly direct debit for £120 into it. Keep the investment simple by choosing a global index tracker.

That's a new habit started today. Tomorrow look for a free way of getting accountability to diet and excersise. (motivational app, do it with a friend, set up a weight loss thread on here etc)

Just start. Do one small thing, now.

Then tell us what you've done 🙂

(Blatantly place-marking!)

Good luck op!

And if you want some more motivation... If you invest that £120 every month for ten years you'll have £22k

In 20 years you'll have 71k

(assuming a 8% interest rate which is perfectly achievable based on historical data)

I think you just need to start. Not tomorrow or Monday. Right now. Start with getting your daily steps to 15k, then to 20k. You can do loads of them by running on the spot and walking around the house while watching TV. You could start that this minute. Starting is hardest. After that you go from strength to strength. Tonight have a light healthy dinner. You should feel less bloated and slightly flatter in the stomach when you get up tomorrow from that alone, which might encourage you to eat healthily tomorrow.

@GeorgeTheFirst I have very little good news to report, been out for dinner, had a chocolate ice cream after then got home and had a bowl of cereal.

@LighthouseTeaCup hilariously I didn’t really know where that was coming from but I felt a cut back somewhere would be worth it to get going. That’s a great practical idea though

Are you looking to understand why you're not choosing to make "better" choices? In an (armchair) psychology sort of way?

Or are you wanting practical advice?

@LighthouseTeaCup that’s a good question- probably the former tbh. I feel like I know lots about what to do. But I don’t do it.

I follow Oliver Burkeman, who used to write about 'productivity', and kept summarising his advice, until it just boiled down to a post it saying 'just do the thing'. Now stuck to my PC monitor.

Funnily though, he has moved away from productivity and goal setting to just beign present in the moment, almost like mindfulness, saying there is not perfect future you that is just out of grasp, only the you here and now.

Sounds like small self sabotages where you purposefully do something that you know is not what you’re actually wanting. It’s not a big self-sabotaging behaviour (some people will bigger issues like this end up doing all sorts to self sabotage) but you need to work out why you’re doing it. Low self esteem is usually a factor but it can also be a way to get a dopamine hit which you may be seeking if you’re depressed and/or if you have ADHD.

You are not alone in that some people want to change something but put things off. Small steps as others have been suggested.

Fear of failure. Fear of success. Procrastination is so common. I would ask myself how important this really is to me, and what has motivated me in the past? For instance, I'm not keen on group support but I lost 2 stone on an online programme. Podcasts and meditation help give focus. But if the will to change isn't really there, I would redirect my energies and enjoy other challenges.

I find the whole mind map/SMART target/planning approach is just procrastination. I enjoy that, and all the planning, and feeling like I’m in control, but it’s just a delay tactic for me. You do actually have to then do the things. So for me, I find it FAR more effective to just get started any which way. Motivation then comes once you’ve acted and seen some results. You can’t wait around for motivation to strike.

Know that exercise isn’t the key to weight loss. Great for health, but your goal is weight loss. So, don’t get distracted by exercise, or even by researching and choosing a diet plan - keep eating what you’re eating, but reduce the volume and therefore your calorie intake. Minimise the brain space that your diet takes up, by only having to think about how much, not what. Then you can use that extra free brain space to focus on other things (finances?) and over time, improve what you’re eating once you’re feeling better.

Also by eating less (and not paying for a PT!) you’ll save a bit of money.

When you get an idea in your head of something that you need to do what happens? Do you forget it instantly and remember later? Does your brain persuade you otherwise? Something else?

Friction is something to think about. Make it harder to do stuff you don't want, and easier for stuff you do. So my online grocery app is on my phone home screen but Facebook is hidden in a folder.

Something I've found really helpful is putting time in the diary to figure stuff out. Also a buddy. There are 3 Neuro spicies at work and we've made a support group to hold each other to account on things we need to do.

You are not alone, I can 💯 relate to this. There are many things I need to/want to change. I read up on what to do and how to it but I have some sort of internal block that stops me actually DOING the thing. I can't explain why. I have no obvious reason, no physical or fiscal limitations.
I hate it about me.

You've started though. You rang the PT..... That's a great step. Ok she didn't have a slot so try someone else!

You'll get there.
Small steps.
Something small is better than nothing.

Good luck!!! 👍🏽