Why do I do nothing to change?

[Outofcontrol9876]

I have put on a stone, and my finances are not in great shape either.

I really want to get on top of things and lose weight, build some savings. I spend hours researching and know all the things to do. Every day, I do nothing about it and change nothing then feel more and more shit.

Can anyone give any insight or advice?

Because it’s overwhelming.

You need to take baby steps and start small.

Aim to make one change with your weight and one with your finances and stick to it for a period of time before you add in another change.

That could be making sure you drink 4 of your water bottles everyday for a week and sticking to not wasting your money on take away coffee for a week.

Once you’ve been able to stick to that goal maybe add in making sure you go outside for a 30 minute walk three times a week and committing to not making any new clothes/unnecessary product purchases for a week.

Have a diary or a calendar with your goals clearly written down and tick them off each day as you go.

Read Atomic Habits

you need to make the good stuff easy, visible & rewarding. So put your running clothes out the night before. Order a weekly veg box etc. set a motivating savings target and add to it whenever you save a few £££. Set yourself a reward when you pay off cc. Go join MSE debt free wannabe forum for support.

And the bad habits are easier to break if they’re made to be difficult, unrewarding, out of sight.
So don’t keep chocolate in the house - if you want it you’ll have to go buy a single bar. Delete social media apps so to use them you’ll have to log on to laptop. Set up a screen-tine app like Opal. Cut up the credit card.

You Could also talk to ChatGPT about your goals and thoughts about why you self-sabotage. It knows enough basic psychology to prompt you to think about things differently

When I'm resistant to change it's often because I'm feeling low about myself and so doing joyless things -taking away the small pleasures of treat food or treat spending make me feel life is even more bleak. The trick that works is to take nothing away but to add. So I don't diet, but I add 20 squats day and night while brushing teeth. Add 40 high kicks while waiting for the kettle to boil, add 5 veg and 3 fruit to daily food intake, add litres of water a day. Add inviting an old friend for a cycle ride or walk and catch up rather than drinks or dinner.

For finances, add putting old clothes on Ebay or Vinted, applying for a higher paid role or asking for extra shifts or a raise, taking on freelance work at weekends, making a bucket list of free fun activities near you and planning free time around them, add making a packed lunch and coffee flask to take to work, add asking on Freecycle if you want something new instead of buying it etc etc.

Would these feel more fun to kick-start your progress?

It does sound like your beliefs about yourself and your values don’t align with your goals. You might not be aware of this but the misalignment results in self-sabotage. It’s unbelievable how many strange, self-sabotaging beliefs people can hold, starting from ”I’m not good with money” through ”I don’t deserve to be healthy” to Mumsnet’s favourite ”losing weight makes you look old”. There are quite a few hints about such misalignments in your posts OP. You need to have your ducks in a row to be able to make changes and then stick to them long term. Work on your beliefs and the rest will become a natural consequence.

No offence but god I hate managers who speak like this. You just triggered my PTSD 😂

You need to make some decisions and stick with them. Your decision is to vague and general. You need more specifics.
what could you cut back on to save money every day, every week, every month?
put an amount on direct debit into a savings account. Put another amount into an isa.
Have 2 or 3 food rules and nothing else. Like only 3 meals a day and only 1 snack of fruit.
Use apps if you like accountability.

@CortieTat i do feel low a lot, I’ve had long term issues with depression and take medication. But I need to not let that affect my actions so much. It’s weird because I can be very motivated, and I’ve been very fit and sl my whole life until the last couple of years, but since my second child any motivation or good habits have always very short lived and inconsistent. Really feel like I’ve lost my mojo and it ain’t coming back 😔

@Outofcontrol9876 i feel like you quite often. I’m starting to see it as a sign in me of burnout/being in a chronic stress situation where my rational thinking brain isn’t getting involved or it all seems too much effort to make the changes even when I know what helps and I can actually do those things. Which leads to a sort of vicious circle really.

One thing I find a bit helpful is to set a deadline- like a back to school thing- and treat the change as being like a work task, non negotiable. Is that an option for you?

Otherwise are you in a position where you can reduce your stress or list of jobs to do, so that you can get out of that chronic stress situation?

@IDreamOfElectricSheep yes you’re right. Some things I could specifically do that would kill two birds with one stone are not buying snacks and junk from the petrol station. And not online shopping in the evenings.

Sounds like you’re being really hard on yourself. A lot of us fall into the cycle of “I know what I should do, but I just can’t get started.” It’s not laziness—it’s usually overwhelm and feeling stuck. Try breaking it into super small wins: one healthy meal swap, one short walk, one less impulse spend. Small actions build momentum.
Also, when health and weight are part of the frustration, it can help to understand the deeper stuff—like how stress, habits, and even things like insulin resistance can make change harder. I found this breakdown on What Causes Diabetes

So buying junk from the petrol station and mindless online shopping

Why are you going to the petrol station??? I fill up once a fortnight

Get up and go for a walk after dinner instead of slumping on the sofa with phone to hand , take up a hobby, I crochet - badly - but it keeps my hands busy so I cant be eating junk and mindlessly surfing

But get out of the house and into the fresh air for at least 20 mins a day and - easily walk a mile in 20 mins - 3000 steps

I was listening to Julia Bradbury on the radio this morning - promoting her new book - Health Hacks or something and some university somewhere or other have worked out in monetry terms how much we can all save the NHS if we just got out and walked and connected with nature. Julia was saying she's always out walking - kids to and from school , a couple of dog walks, a proper exercise walk in the evening - and they worked out she saves the NHS £1700 a year

I walk loads as well - helps keep the weight down, and really has made a vast improvement to my MH

As @Cinaferna , I have added to my life and lost 2 stone. Ive added the fruit and veg, Ive added the protein and fibre ( fill up on that lot, no room for cake , Im still working on the water ) Ive added the walks, the squats , the lunges . I have even added a skipping rope to the back door - just pop outside and do five mins between the rain showers

Money - dont have any so I dont worry about that.

My motivation? I dont want to be like how my parents became when they retired, basically disabled themselves by sitting down and shovelling in the cake, becoming less and less mobile till they then couldn't move without aids

If you're struggling with money, paying someone to tell you what you know you should be doing anyway isn't a great plan.

Join a fitness group, start a thread on here with other people who want to do more exercise, use an app that sends you alerts, pay upfront for a class so you don't want to waste the money or ask a friend to keep you accountable.

Pay at pump so you don't even go into the petrol station.

How do you online shop? If your phone, delete apps that make it easier or just hide the phone. Do something (ideally exercise! 2 birds 1 stone) In the evenings instead so you don't have time to online shop. Move all your money other than that needed for essential bills into a separate savings account without a linked card as soon as you get paid so you literally can't buy anything without transferring the money over, and delete the app for that account so that transferring it back is (comparatively) difficult -have to go find log on details from where they are written down and log in etc.

Sometimes people find it easier to do things rather than stop doing things.

So other than "I mustn't shop online tonight" "I must find stuff I can sell tonight" or "I'm looking forward to trying that new exercise class tonight"
Rather than "I'm not allowed to order a takeaway this weekend" "I'm looking forward to trying that new healthy mezze board and snacks I got from m&s". Rather than "I can't go to the pub and have 3 pints tonight" "looking forward to my g&t/diet coke and vodka while/after I sort my stuff out/do that clubbercise class/go swimming/choir" etc.

This is all great advice thank you

I disagree on PT being someone telling me what I know, it’s the accountability and motivation that I’m hoping for that to help with. I don’t seem to have much of my own nowadays!

I don’t feel like I’m really getting to the root of why I keep not doing anything about it when I want to. I’m gaining lots of practical advice. My why that I listed earlier I have known for a long time, I know why I want to change. I still reach for a bag of crisps /chocolate/sweets and spend a lot of time resisting until I can’t.

You say you want to change. Part of you does. Part of you clearly doesn't, or you wouldn't be stuck. Is this really a lack of motivation or will power? A "moral failing"?
Or does part of you actually want to be overweight and poor, isolated from friends, unhappy with how your clothes fit because you think you're not worthy, not "enough" in some way?

Do you like yourself? Do you think well of yourself? Are you kind to yourself? Do you believe that you deserve to be happy? Healthy? Wealthy?

In your first post you said
"Every day, I do nothing about it and change nothing then feel more and more shit."

At some level you're actively choosing to feel shit. A previous poster said it's self sabotage. You could put it more strongly and say it's emotional self harm.

In another of your posts you said that you feel
"low a lot, I’ve had long term issues with depression and take medication. But I need to not let that affect my actions so much"

Expecting yourself to act in spite of and against your feelings and emotions is expecting the impossible of yourself.

I think you should stop focusing on the practical things you want to improve and focus on your mental health. Give yourself permission to make weight loss less important for a period of time. Does your medication help your mood? Would it be worth seeing the gp again? Have you tried talking therapies? Or even self help strategies like meditation or mindfulness? You mentioned yoga. Does that help your wellbeing? How often do you practice? Can you do a 10 min morning flow every day?

Are you restricting yourself from eating to the point you’re so hungry all you can think about is sweets and chocolate?

Try not to have the mind set of “I need to eat less to lose weight.” And have the mindset of “I will allow myself to eat when I’m hungry but I will eat food that is good for my body.”

If you’re hungry eat, whether that’s for a meal or a snack but make sure you’re asking yourself if the food you’re about to put in your body is good for it?

I can relate, I have been in a similar mindset before. What helped me was that one day I said I will get my gym clothes out. I won't exercise. I'm just going to get them out where I can see them. Then next day I would call one person or do one small tiny thing to improve my finances. Each day I give myself one thing I must get done no matter what. It could be as small as cleaning 3 tiles in the bathroom! Then these things become a habit. The smaller, the slower steps work for me whenever I'm in a mental rut. The days I don't get anything done, I don't beat myself up about it. Try again the next day and I tell myself it's ok to switch off and do nothing. Doing nothing is charging your mental and physical battery so it's actually doing something! Whatever you actually do, give yourself a lot of praise for it. No matter how small.

I really do relate, seriously I do

I allowed myself to go three stone over weight

I hid it from view though, I had a rough old job where trackies and hoodies were the order of the day, so going out - pair of leggings and an over sized top was me dressing up. And photos? Lost at least 5 years of my life

I also need accountability Im an addict,I know how to lie and cheat and tell myself all is ok and pull the wool

I kept saying oh Im ok, Im not so bad, I never go anywhere, who's seeing me

And of course the anti d's lull you to that level - plus an extra excuse

Then one day, at my lowest as I now know, I caught sight of myself in the full length mirror - bra and knickers - it was all hanging out, no tummy sucking, standing straight, I was a bloody mess ( for me, I had most of my life been a size 8 - now I was 16 and heading to 18 )

That was a Tuesday, Saturday had me walking into SW

That's my accountability - my kick up the arse

BTW I only ever follow the main principles of SW, I dont buy into the weird recipes or buy their ready meals or use frylite. I take from SW what I need and leave the rest behind. And what I need is accountability. The turning up, staying on target and being able to encourage others . I whinge on when someone loses 6lb in a week - my journey has been 1lb a week with a fair wind.

I got the weight off in 9 months but Im still going . nearly three years now - FOC - because I never ever want to go back to that day I walked in that door

I dont advocate SW for their plan, although it really is about getting you to eat more of the food groups in a balanced way ( and avocados are not banned ) , I advocate it as a place where us that struggle with food - be it bad choices, be it disordered eating, will find support. My group, there's those that are seriously obese with the medial conditions that comes with that, there are those that are totally obsessive about every ounce , they are all supported , and learning how to let go of their obsessive habits because they see how target members maintain ( we go up, we go down, but we learn what we can and cannot do - everyone is an individual after all )

Im back wearing size 8, Im back to feeling me again. I now say to dh - can we go out, because I have clothes to wear, I know I look good in my clothes, We are back going on holidays ffs - seriously I didn't go on holiday because I was ashamed of how I looked, how I felt

I watched this a few years ago at it helped me to stop thinking about doing stuff and actually start doing it!

it’s Mel Robbins - How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over

My tuppence...I really recommend Rebel Finance School to help with finances (it's a free course too).

Food wise...for me I need to do a meal plan and batch cook. Plus eat more protein. Everyone is different though.

A fun thing I did recently was ask chat GPT to write me a job description based on the parameters of my life. It was quite funny as it made me see how fucking much I'm supposed to be juggling, and also one of the things it kept repeating was things like 'with minimal support'. It made me realise no wonder it all feels like a huge slog, I'm expected to do all of this stuff that I already have no clue how to do with minimal support.

So I agree with PPs point about setting your own objectives. What's that saying, you 'fall to the level of your systems'.

Sounds like you’re stuck in that “analysis paralysis” loop — knowing what to do but not acting. Maybe start with just one tiny habit a day (like a 5-min walk or saving £1). Small wins build momentum and break the cycle.
I’ve seen this happen with health issues too — for example, people often delay acting on things like Alzheimer’s Disease Symptoms , even when they know the signs. The earlier you start, the better the results. Same with your goals: action beats research every time.

@Outofcontrol9876 i hope you have found this thread has been of some use to you.

I am very similar to you, loads of great ideas of how to fix diet and fitness but never actually do them. I know what I should be doing but don’t seem to do it.

Thank you to so many posters on here who have replied, it’s been really useful to view the discussion and I am hoping will prompt me into action.

AI can be good for this. There’s a couple of guys on you tube who describe exactly how to use AI as a life coach

@AndSoFinally do you know what they or their account is called?

(I have still done nothing and feeling very despondent ☹️)