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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to show people around my bedroom?

52 replies

Isaweirdo · 28/08/2025 12:57

For various reasons DH and I have very recently moved back to his hometown in a rental house. We are now much closer to the majority of his family and friends. Our previous house wasn’t really near anyone so we had little to no visitors at all.

I love his family and friends so I am very happy to have them over and also happy to visit their houses. I understand people want to see where we live but our downstairs consists of a nice lounge, a downstairs bathroom, a kitchen and a dining room. There’s plenty of room and no need for anyone to go upstairs. I keep finding people coming over and wanting a tour of the house and I’ve had to call them down from the stairs several times as I don’t see why they need to go up there. We are still unpacking so upstairs consists of loads of boxes and literally just bedrooms. Am I being really weird about this? I just don’t understand why they want a guided tour of the bedrooms. We don’t own the house, we haven’t done it up so we have nothing to show off up and there’s no reason for them to be up there.

They come down when I call them but I definitely get some eye rolls and several times I’ve been asked if they can see upstairs. I’m happy to be told I’m being unreasonable here and maybe a bit precious but I just don’t see why they need to be up there, especially when we have a downstairs bathroom! I certainly don’t expect a guided tour of the upstairs of someone’s house when I go to visit!

OP posts:
IMissSparkling · 28/08/2025 13:01

Maybe it's a Scottish thing, but every time you go to someone's new house you get the tour. No-one's ever not shown me their bedroom and I am happy to show people mine (obviously I have tidied up beforehand!).

KimberleyClark · 28/08/2025 13:04

I'm with you OP. I'd never go upstairs unless invited, or I needed to in the absence of a downstairs loo.

Princesspollyyy · 28/08/2025 13:05

You are definitely not being unreasonable. I think that’s really odd to expect to have a guided tour and see upstairs?? How nosy!

I would just reply - gosh you’re very inquisitive aren’t you? What do you want to see the bedrooms for? It’s not Come Dine With Me where you go through cupboards and drawers is it!??

FeralWoman · 28/08/2025 13:05

You’ve moved near his family, so time to adopt their way of doing some things. If a quick look at the upstairs makes them happy then let them look. Just make sure any sexy underwear or sex toys aren’t on display. I’m sure you’ll get a tour of their bedrooms too when you visit their houses.

Original poster
Isaweirdo · 28/08/2025 13:06

KimberleyClark · 28/08/2025 13:04

I'm with you OP. I'd never go upstairs unless invited, or I needed to in the absence of a downstairs loo.

The thing is I was at SIL house the other day and I needed the loo and she ran up to make sure the bedroom doors were shut first!

I’ve never seen the upstairs of her house (nor have I wanted to) apart from her toilet so she obviously doesn’t like people looking at her bedrooms either so I’m just baffled why this is acceptable just because we’ve just moved in!

OP posts:
Original poster
Isaweirdo · 28/08/2025 13:08

FeralWoman · 28/08/2025 13:05

You’ve moved near his family, so time to adopt their way of doing some things. If a quick look at the upstairs makes them happy then let them look. Just make sure any sexy underwear or sex toys aren’t on display. I’m sure you’ll get a tour of their bedrooms too when you visit their houses.

I wouldn’t mind if this was their way of doing things but I have been at their houses plenty of times and have never seen a bedroom or the upstairs of their house if they have a downstairs bathroom. Nor have I been offered! We’ve been married for years.

OP posts:
HelpMeGetThrough · 28/08/2025 13:16

Whenever we’ve moved, anybody visiting didn’t get a “tour”, it’s our house not a bloody stately home.

I never have got my head around why people need to be shown around. Nosey buggers.

FeralWoman · 28/08/2025 13:18

Isaweirdo · 28/08/2025 13:08

I wouldn’t mind if this was their way of doing things but I have been at their houses plenty of times and have never seen a bedroom or the upstairs of their house if they have a downstairs bathroom. Nor have I been offered! We’ve been married for years.

Edited
Show quote history

Time to take yourself on a tour of their bedrooms! If they object just play dumb and say that because they’ve seen yours that you figured it’s only fair to see theirs. Say that as you’re walking up the stairs and opening up the bedroom doors. If they object again ask them why they think it’s okay to have seen your bedrooms.

BIWI · 28/08/2025 13:20

IMissSparkling · 28/08/2025 13:01

Maybe it's a Scottish thing, but every time you go to someone's new house you get the tour. No-one's ever not shown me their bedroom and I am happy to show people mine (obviously I have tidied up beforehand!).

It’s a North-East thing as well. Years ago, I happened to be working close to where my Gran lived, and popped in to see her (with one of my colleagues, who was driving back with me). He was most puzzled when she insisted on showing him round the house!

ratatouille99 · 28/08/2025 13:24

I honestly don't think I've seen any (bar a couple) of my friend's bedrooms, even when they're recently moved.

AnPiscin · 28/08/2025 13:26

BIWI · 28/08/2025 13:20

It’s a North-East thing as well. Years ago, I happened to be working close to where my Gran lived, and popped in to see her (with one of my colleagues, who was driving back with me). He was most puzzled when she insisted on showing him round the house!

Show quote history

That's interesting. I'm from Ireland. When we moved to the east midlands (a while ago now) we visited my DH's boss. I was so surprised when she said 'let me give you a tour of the house.' It wasn't a new house, we weren't there for a housewarming, so I was really confused as to why she would show me around. The weirder thing was, the place was a total and utter mess - not dirty but stuff absolutely everywhere. I found it quite sweet to be honest - it was nice to see their lives and it felt quite open and welcoming. My best friend has seen the upstairs of my house because she sleeps over but I would never show anyone around anywhere but the ground floor of my house. The only time I've had a house tour in Ireland is when it was a new house, but even then you wouldn't necessarily go into the bedrooms.

tripleginandtonic · 28/08/2025 13:33

We all look around a new house rented or bought in my social circles.

MaidOfSteel · 28/08/2025 13:33

I’m with you, OP. Bedrooms are our most personal spaces and I just do not want anyone (except my husband, of course) in our bedroom. I don’t want to see anyone else’s bedroom either.
stick to your guns, OP. It’s your house.

namechangex1 · 28/08/2025 13:37

Isaweirdo · 28/08/2025 13:08

I wouldn’t mind if this was their way of doing things but I have been at their houses plenty of times and have never seen a bedroom or the upstairs of their house if they have a downstairs bathroom. Nor have I been offered! We’ve been married for years.

Edited
Show quote history

Even if it was their way of doing things no way do you need to adopt to their way, that’s just ridiculous. You’re your own person and can do what ever you want to do. I am completely with you though. I hate people upstairs in my house. There is absolutely no need to be up there and I like some stuff completely private. I wouldn’t even justify my choice to anyone it’s your choice and your house that would be end of discussion in my eyes.

LavaHoover · 28/08/2025 13:45

It doesn't matter whether it's cultural or local custom or whatever. If you don't want people upstairs, just say no. It's not difficult. Start politely, and if they keep pushing, get ruder.

"Ooh, let's see upstairs!"
"Oh no, it's a total tip."
"Oh, we don't mind."
"Well I do, haha."
"Oh, just a peek?"
"No, I'm sorry, I'm not keen."
"Why on earth not? You're being silly!"
"Maybe, but there you go."
"Aw, I'll just have a quick peek..." sets foot on stairs.
"No, Mary, my bedroom is private."

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 28/08/2025 13:47

IMissSparkling · 28/08/2025 13:01

Maybe it's a Scottish thing, but every time you go to someone's new house you get the tour. No-one's ever not shown me their bedroom and I am happy to show people mine (obviously I have tidied up beforehand!).

I’m Scottish and I hate this 😂 it does seem common there though, as in widespread ;)

it feels so intrusive.
Interestingly, it feels rude in Scotland to ask people how much the house cost, whereas down in SÉ where I am now, it’s nothing out of the ordinary. Not that I divulge that info 😂

Words · 28/08/2025 13:49

It's a bit infra dig to do a 'tour' of the house. No one should ask (extremely rude) and nor should it be offered.

FitatFifty · 28/08/2025 13:53

I was thinking of these people earlier. Friends of DH gave us a tour of their house, they’d been in for a while. Including their bedroom which was a tip and she told me it hadn’t been hoovered in over a year..why would you show someone!

thinklagoon · 28/08/2025 13:56

I always show people the whole house the first time they come over! Give them the lay of the land. I’ve never known anyone not, whether it’s a rented tiny flat or a gated mansion.

herbalteabag · 28/08/2025 13:58

I wouldn't like it, my upstairs is usually untidy as well! Nobody goes upstairs in my house though unless their child is here playing (more in the past) and they are wanting to speak to them.
I like seeing people's houses but I wouldn't ask for a tour. I'm more interested in ones they've bought than rented, unless there's something extra amazing about it.

HelpMeGetThrough · 28/08/2025 14:01

thinklagoon · 28/08/2025 13:56

I always show people the whole house the first time they come over! Give them the lay of the land. I’ve never known anyone not, whether it’s a rented tiny flat or a gated mansion.

What do you mean by “give them the lay of the land”?

If I was visiting someone for the first time and they wanted to show me around their house, I’d consider them odd. I have no need to see the rooms in their house.

saraclara · 28/08/2025 14:05

The only bedrooms I've been shown since I've been an adult, were when my friends completed a huge extension including a mastter bedroom (so that didn't really seem weird) and when I visited a friend in, yes, Scotland! The latter did take me aback, but now I know it's normal there!

chattyness · 28/08/2025 14:08

YANBU. You have the right to privacy just say a firm no and stick to it.
I am clean and tidy, have no weirdness to hide, nothing to be ashamed of I'm just private & I can't stand nosey feckers.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 28/08/2025 14:20

We had to do this, just so the inlaws could poke around and turn their noses up at everything ( we had everythign in boxes too) and talk, in my hearing about what a terrible housewife I was. (they were still mentally living in 1955)

Gwenhwyfar · 28/08/2025 14:42

thinklagoon · 28/08/2025 13:56

I always show people the whole house the first time they come over! Give them the lay of the land. I’ve never known anyone not, whether it’s a rented tiny flat or a gated mansion.

You mean when they're staying over night?

Where I'm from, it's usual to give a tour of a new house, but not necessarily at other times.
I live in a different country now and still had people wanting to go upstairs at my housewarming. I stopped it because I'd put all the mess up there for the duration of the party.