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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL wrong or AIBU?

53 replies

ImGonnaKeepOnDancing · 28/08/2025 12:30

My MIL looked after my DD yesterday as I had an appointment that she couldn’t come along to and today my DD wanted to paint my nails so was showing me the things MIL gave her while there. Thinks like hair clips, nail varnish, stick on nails - all fine BUT here’s where I’m not sure if it’s me or her that’s wrong. She gave her glue on nails (like what I’d wear for a night out) my DD is 8!

MIL didn’t ask if it was okay with me or my DH and didn’t mention it when we were there yesterday and telling us the things she had given to DD.

I think the glue on nails are inappropriate for an 8 year old. 1. The glue will damage her developing nail beds and 2. They just seem too grown up for her.

I mentioned them to my DH who is working today when called me on his lunch break and he didn’t respond to it at all, just said “oh I’ll have to go because I need to eat lunch or I won’t have time”

So AIBU or was MIL out of line?

Just to add that I have a good relationship with MIL and she helps us out a lot and has been there for me when I lost my own mum and is amazing with my DD but I feel she has overstepped with these.

OP posts:
waitingforever · 28/08/2025 12:32

It isn’t a big deal at all. Don’t overthink … she didn’t ’overstepped’ or anything. Count your blessings to have a lovely MIL and a grandma to your daughter. Gently mention it if you have to.

KrisAkabusi · 28/08/2025 12:37

It wouldn't occur to me that something like that would need parental permission. How is she supposed to know that there's an arbitrary distinction in your head between glue-on and stick-on?

smallpinecone · 28/08/2025 12:38

Don’t make a big deal out of this. She sounds like a lovely grandmother.

DollyMixers · 28/08/2025 12:39

I wouldn’t want my 8 year old having any kind of stick on nails, just because I think they look silly; but I wouldn’t make a mountain out of a molehill if you generally have a good relationship with your MIL. Not a big deal at all in my opinion.

ARichtGoodDram · 28/08/2025 12:40

Does she realise the difference between glue on and stick on?

I didn't until I used glue on Ikea for the first time and tried to remove them. I'd thought they'd be just a wee bit stickier than the stick on ones!

Just say to DD that she has to keep the glue on ones for a few years, and mention the same to MIL if needs be.

Doesn't have to be a big issue at all. Sounds like your MIl just picked up a wee bundle of stuff for her rather than actively set out to annoy you.

ARichtGoodDram · 28/08/2025 12:40

Glue on Ikea? WTF

Glue on ones that should say

Osmosisfreight · 28/08/2025 12:41

Don’t make a big deal just say she isn’t allowed to use them. It’s likely they all came together in a set maybe?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 28/08/2025 12:43

I think that you need to calm down, you don't need to use the nails, the glue is not superglue, designed for the nails.
Ask MIL not to buy them again, no big deal.
Talk about turning a nice thing into a big issue.

ginasevern · 28/08/2025 12:51

So you've got an absolutely lovely MIL who helps you out a lot and was there for you when your own Mum died - but the best you can do is get all arsey about a totally trivial thing. Good luck with that then. No wonder your DH didn't want to waste any head space on it. Do you often phone him with batshit stuff like this?

PoshDuckQuarkQuark · 28/08/2025 12:52

Its only nail glue and given you said you wear them yourself then no big deal.

Just tell your DD that it's not a good idea to wear them as she's a bit young and could end up with manky nails.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 28/08/2025 12:55

YABU and seriously reaching to find something to be annoyed at your MIL for. It’s fine to not let your DD use them after all if you think that’s best, but she wasn’t ’out of line’, she was nice, and doing yon a favour.

catsareace · 28/08/2025 12:56

Unclench.

JLou08 · 28/08/2025 13:11

It doesn't need to be made in to a big issue. Just let DD and MIL know that you don't want DD using glue on nails.

autienotnaughty · 28/08/2025 13:18

ARichtGoodDram · 28/08/2025 12:40

Does she realise the difference between glue on and stick on?

I didn't until I used glue on Ikea for the first time and tried to remove them. I'd thought they'd be just a wee bit stickier than the stick on ones!

Just say to DD that she has to keep the glue on ones for a few years, and mention the same to MIL if needs be.

Doesn't have to be a big issue at all. Sounds like your MIl just picked up a wee bundle of stuff for her rather than actively set out to annoy you.

I thought you meant you bought super glue from Ikea!! I was like god that would have hurt!

Thedoorisalwaysopen · 28/08/2025 13:21

She has played princesses with your daughter, and done girly makeovers - almost every little girl does that. As long as they come off for school, there is no problem. You are really looking for problems here. She hasn't dyed her hair of given her a piercing or tattoo.

Spirallingdownwards · 28/08/2025 13:24

Just mention to MIL that you don't mind the players but have put the glue on ones away until she is older. Explain why so she realises why it's a problem.

mondaytosunday · 28/08/2025 13:37

Wouldn’t bother me. Sort of part of dress up! She can’t wear them to school anyway.

BlueyBingo25 · 28/08/2025 13:42

I really dont think it's overstepping. Your MIL probably didn't think it was a big deal.

And just because your DD has been given them doesn't mean she has to use them. I would just explain it's something she can use when shes older.

user2848502016 · 28/08/2025 13:47

It’s not something I would give an 8 year old, even my 10 year old.
But it’s hardly something to make a massive problem out of is it… your MIL helps you out a lot so maybe let this one go.
Trying them once won’t do any harm either, but you could just say to your DD she’s not allowed them in school so you will keep them for her somewhere until she’s a bit older.

Original poster
ImGonnaKeepOnDancing · 28/08/2025 13:55

KrisAkabusi · 28/08/2025 12:37

It wouldn't occur to me that something like that would need parental permission. How is she supposed to know that there's an arbitrary distinction in your head between glue-on and stick-on?

Thanks for your message. The stick on ones use double sided tape and basically come off as soon as they’ve been put on without damage. I’m just worried about my daughters nails being damaged so ive had to explain this to her but it really bothered me that MIL mentioned everything else apart from the glu one nails, kind of like she was hiding it until I got home and couldn’t say anything.

I mean I’m not going to kick off or anything but I do feel miffed that she didn’t even think they wouldn’t be appropriate or to even mention them before she said my daughter could have them and then avoid my DDs disappointment at being told she can’t use something he GMa gave her.

OP posts:
saraclara · 28/08/2025 13:56

It sounds like she gave your DD a lovely time. It wouldn't occur to me to think this was something that needed permission. A one off gluing isn't going to damage her nail bed.

Later on you can always say "jeeze, that glue took some getting off MIL! I'm afraid we won't be using that again. Maybe I'll just stick them on with Pritt stick!" ... and then leave it at that. She won't use it again, which is the only outcome you need.

Original poster
ImGonnaKeepOnDancing · 28/08/2025 13:58

Spirallingdownwards · 28/08/2025 13:24

Just mention to MIL that you don't mind the players but have put the glue on ones away until she is older. Explain why so she realises why it's a problem.

Thank you I think this may be the right approach. I love my MIL and you’re right she does a lot for us. She always makes herself available when my DH and I want some time away as she recognises that it takes a village and I don’t have my own mum anymore, plus my DD adores her.

I think I’ll just mention that I’ll keep them for when she’s older as I’m worried about the glue on her nails.

I just got it into my head that it was a bit sneaky of her to mention everything else and not those, so she kind of knew that I wouldn’t approve.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImGonnaKeepOnDancing · 28/08/2025 14:00

ARichtGoodDram · 28/08/2025 12:40

Glue on Ikea? WTF

Glue on ones that should say

Haha I did wonder what you meant in your first post. Thanks for clearing it up 😊

OP posts:
AbzMoz · 28/08/2025 14:00

I’d say to mil ‘thanks for the lovely gifts - but the glue nails (and for reference hair dye, henna tattoos, etc) aren’t something we allow DD currently. im going to by her some stickers to adapt them - if dd asks for them again the best place to get these child suitable ones is x brand from y shop’

EmeraldShamrock000 · 28/08/2025 14:02

"Overstepped" after all the support MIL has offered you.
Dreading becoming a MIL. All these invisible lines