Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL wrong or AIBU?

53 replies

ImGonnaKeepOnDancing · 28/08/2025 12:30

My MIL looked after my DD yesterday as I had an appointment that she couldn’t come along to and today my DD wanted to paint my nails so was showing me the things MIL gave her while there. Thinks like hair clips, nail varnish, stick on nails - all fine BUT here’s where I’m not sure if it’s me or her that’s wrong. She gave her glue on nails (like what I’d wear for a night out) my DD is 8!

MIL didn’t ask if it was okay with me or my DH and didn’t mention it when we were there yesterday and telling us the things she had given to DD.

I think the glue on nails are inappropriate for an 8 year old. 1. The glue will damage her developing nail beds and 2. They just seem too grown up for her.

I mentioned them to my DH who is working today when called me on his lunch break and he didn’t respond to it at all, just said “oh I’ll have to go because I need to eat lunch or I won’t have time”

So AIBU or was MIL out of line?

Just to add that I have a good relationship with MIL and she helps us out a lot and has been there for me when I lost my own mum and is amazing with my DD but I feel she has overstepped with these.

OP posts:
Sophue · 28/08/2025 14:04

EmeraldShamrock000 · 28/08/2025 14:02

"Overstepped" after all the support MIL has offered you.
Dreading becoming a MIL. All these invisible lines

I was just thinking the same thing. If I were you I would let it go and not mention it to her.

Strollingalong · 28/08/2025 14:08

Possibly DD picked them up without your MiL realising
or
DD mistakenly thought your MiL had given them the green light
or
MiL isn’t as aware of the damage they can cause as you are.
A gentle guiding comment will solve this.

theresnolimits · 28/08/2025 14:13

I am a grandmother and had no idea there was a difference between glue on or stick on nails. Maybe she is the same.

BauhausOfEliott · 28/08/2025 14:35

You're being ridiculous here. She just gave her a bunch of nail stuff to mess around with. It's fine if you don't want her using the glue-on ones, but just say to your daughter 'I know grandma gave you these but they're a bit old for you at the moment so let's put them away for now' and you can just use the nail polishes'.

No need to have a conversation with your MIL about it at all. It's not like she took your child out to a nail salon and got her a full set of acrylics, ffs.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 28/08/2025 18:17

ImGonnaKeepOnDancing · 28/08/2025 13:55

Thanks for your message. The stick on ones use double sided tape and basically come off as soon as they’ve been put on without damage. I’m just worried about my daughters nails being damaged so ive had to explain this to her but it really bothered me that MIL mentioned everything else apart from the glu one nails, kind of like she was hiding it until I got home and couldn’t say anything.

I mean I’m not going to kick off or anything but I do feel miffed that she didn’t even think they wouldn’t be appropriate or to even mention them before she said my daughter could have them and then avoid my DDs disappointment at being told she can’t use something he GMa gave her.

Show quote history

Well maybe she thought ‘stick on nails’ covered it given that they are nails that stick on. Far more likely than her sneaking glue nails into your house and deliberately hiding it from you just to disappoint her grand daughter and piss you off.

pizzaHeart · 28/08/2025 18:18

ARichtGoodDram · 28/08/2025 12:40

Does she realise the difference between glue on and stick on?

I didn't until I used glue on Ikea for the first time and tried to remove them. I'd thought they'd be just a wee bit stickier than the stick on ones!

Just say to DD that she has to keep the glue on ones for a few years, and mention the same to MIL if needs be.

Doesn't have to be a big issue at all. Sounds like your MIl just picked up a wee bundle of stuff for her rather than actively set out to annoy you.

This^
and I didn’t know the difference either

pinkyredrose · 28/08/2025 18:19

YABU. If she's 8 her nail beds are already developed.

RosenWilloughby · 28/08/2025 18:19

Simple. Take them off your daughter. Why the drama?

ScurryfungeSpuddle · 28/08/2025 18:25

RosenWilloughby · 28/08/2025 18:19

Simple. Take them off your daughter. Why the drama?

This is exactly what I was thinking??!!

So the MIL didn't think it through, no big deal 🤷‍♂️

CinderBlockandCustard · 28/08/2025 18:26

Just put them away in a drawer for when she's older and explain it was a really nice present from granny but she's a bit young and her nails might hurt when you pull the nails off..."so let's paint your nails / style your hair instead" and she will be quickly distracted. It's not worth saying anything / complaining to MIL and damaging your relationship. Just say thanks but you've put them away for a bit cos you were worried about damage if the glue is too strong.

As for DD being disappointed not being able to use granny's present, she'll get over it. Over the years DS has had a few presents he didn't like / couldn't use so I either got a suitable replacement (allergic to hazelnuts so if he got chocolate with it in, I'd eat it and get him stg else) or put toys away until he was old enough.

whistlesandbells · 28/08/2025 18:55

I hope I would have been able to resist bringing this up with my DH on his lunch break over the phone. I may not have managed. Just tell your daughter she isn’t allowed to use them and take them away (bin). Move on. It’s a lot of drama you don’t need otherwise.

ConfusedSloth · 28/08/2025 19:00

I absolutely would not buy them for my 8yo DD. It's exactly the kind of thing I'd expect a relative/friend to buy for my 8yo DD.

Wildefish · 29/08/2025 18:18

ImGonnaKeepOnDancing · 28/08/2025 12:30

My MIL looked after my DD yesterday as I had an appointment that she couldn’t come along to and today my DD wanted to paint my nails so was showing me the things MIL gave her while there. Thinks like hair clips, nail varnish, stick on nails - all fine BUT here’s where I’m not sure if it’s me or her that’s wrong. She gave her glue on nails (like what I’d wear for a night out) my DD is 8!

MIL didn’t ask if it was okay with me or my DH and didn’t mention it when we were there yesterday and telling us the things she had given to DD.

I think the glue on nails are inappropriate for an 8 year old. 1. The glue will damage her developing nail beds and 2. They just seem too grown up for her.

I mentioned them to my DH who is working today when called me on his lunch break and he didn’t respond to it at all, just said “oh I’ll have to go because I need to eat lunch or I won’t have time”

So AIBU or was MIL out of line?

Just to add that I have a good relationship with MIL and she helps us out a lot and has been there for me when I lost my own mum and is amazing with my DD but I feel she has overstepped with these.

She didn’t think. Let it go and always check what daughter has been doing.

BettysRoasties · 29/08/2025 18:23

They are what cheapo fake nails from a local shop. She didn’t take her to the nail lady.

HouseTour · 29/08/2025 18:25

What a lovely, selfless grandparent she is. And you're worried about 'developing nail beds' 😂😂😂

are you aware of the literal shit kids touch? Nail biting? Picking and scratching?
glue on nails are fine as a dress up because they last about an hour. It's not as if she's getting acrylics is it.

just say you don't like her next time instead of dressing it up about 'developing nail beds'😂

myfriendsfamily · 29/08/2025 18:32

Huge overreaction I think.

NoThanksNeeded · 29/08/2025 18:38

She probably thought glue on and stick on were the same

You seriously rang you DH at work about it???

Trishyb10 · 29/08/2025 18:50

Lighten up, all the bad things thats happening in the world and you worry about glue……..lord

Digdongdoo · 29/08/2025 19:15

Can't you just buy some sticky tabs to use instead of the glue? They're like £2 for loads.
Or just put them away for when she's older.
It's a non issue. Thanks for the present grandma.

Bleachedlevis · 29/08/2025 19:57

Sorry but this is one BIG YAWN of an imagined problem.

Thisismyalterego · 29/08/2025 20:17

I don't think I would have realised that there is a problem with glued on as opposed to stick on, nails. I don't use anything like that myself and would have just thought they were a nice way to while away and hour or two with my granddaughter. I only have grandsons, but I'm sure at some point I'll make a mistake with something I buy them, I probably already have done, to be honest. But luckily my lovely DIL isn't the sort to make a fuss over something done with good intentions. She might mention it in passing at a later stage , similar to a pp suggested, by saying the glue was difficult to remove, but she would not do it in a way to make me feel bad.

ThisCyanPoet · 29/08/2025 21:15

I think the stick in nails are fine to play with at home.

I would let MIL know that the nails she got had super strong glue rather than stick on tabs so would have been very difficult to remove without damaging DD nails. Let her know that you thought it was a cool idea for dress up etc and that DD loved them, but if she gets them again could she get stick on so they can be removed without damaging DD’s nails. Maybe send her a couple of examples so she knows what to look out for.

Flossflower · 29/08/2025 21:16

I would be very worried about the glue that came with the glue on nails. It is not suitable for an 8 year old to have. It could be disastrous if she put it on her fingers and rubbed her eye etc.

HouseTour · 29/08/2025 22:17

NoThanksNeeded · 29/08/2025 18:38

She probably thought glue on and stick on were the same

You seriously rang you DH at work about it???

This! It's neurotic.

Tuesdayschild50 · 29/08/2025 22:22

If you have a good relationship just mention it to mil and say ok on the nails like stick on ones but no glue ones as they will ruin her nails... just be straight about it .
I'm sure she would understand and be reasonable I would I'm a nanny with a grandchild.