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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Flakes R US

32 replies

Freak0000 · 28/08/2025 08:58

I don't think I'm being unreasonable so I suppose it's just a rant.
I know nobody owes anyone anything and so on, but are you only supposed to have conversation and interaction with people in your immediate vicinity? If acquaintances and so on don't respond are you meant to accept that as normal and just accept not speaking with many people?

Friend recently had second baby, about 2 months ago. I guess it's unreasonable to let them know you'd love to come and meet their new baby whenever they feel ready for it, yes I know theyre overwhelmed and tired etc. But they've been posting plenty on social media, 2 weeks ago and no reply. I should've just shown zero interest.

I'm renting my home out and a lad came to view it, told me he wanted to take it and put down holding deposit etc. , I sent him the details and never heard from him again. He could've sent a quick message saying sorry I've changed my mind?

A childhood family friend who also had a baby, as a family we sent her a gift and never even got a thank you, another one where I said I'd love to meet her baby and never heard back again?

I must frighten young children, or these people perhaps don't want anyone other than their 'little family bubble' involved?

OP posts:
Original poster
Freak0000 · 28/08/2025 08:59

I've no children but I'd be really flattered if someone wanted to take the time to meet mine. Even if I weren't up to it I'd at least thank them and let them know when they could?!

OP posts:
Hatwontfit · 28/08/2025 09:02

Yes that is odd. Communication is sometimes lacking with people. I'd have been flattered and delighted.

ChilliChoco · 28/08/2025 09:06

With the friends with babies, why not suggest a few dates yourself? I wasn't that into organising or taking the initiative in those early baby days, but if someone said " can I come over this weekend or next Thursday afternoon?", I'd have loved that.

Tracklement · 28/08/2025 09:09

He have you the deposit? And then didn’t bother progressing?

and it’s a case of these people not really regarding you as a close friend as you do them, which is their prerogative

ComfortFoodCafe · 28/08/2025 09:09

when mine were newborns, I hated people coming over. Hard enough looking after a baby, drowning in bottles, laundry and housework while sleep deprived & having to entertain guests. Maybe they are the same?

Tracklement · 28/08/2025 09:10

How long ago did you send the gift?

and all these examples (bizarrely) involve new mothers

leave them alone for goodness sakes. They’re busy!

Tracklement · 28/08/2025 09:10

Do you have children op?

Tracklement · 28/08/2025 09:11

Freak0000 · 28/08/2025 08:59

I've no children but I'd be really flattered if someone wanted to take the time to meet mine. Even if I weren't up to it I'd at least thank them and let them know when they could?!

Ok so bugger all experience of having a newborn

Original poster
Freak0000 · 28/08/2025 09:33

Sorry but it takes 3 seconds to write thanks but I'm really busy atm.
"Leave them alone", pfft..

OP posts:
Original poster
Freak0000 · 28/08/2025 09:33

Stop making excuses for them, they've plenty of time to post on social media.

OP posts:
Notmycircusnotmyotter · 28/08/2025 09:34

You don't get it.

BallerinaRadio · 28/08/2025 09:36

No offense but if your demeanor is the same irl as it is here you might have the answer....

VickyEadieofThigh · 28/08/2025 09:38

A few months ago, I gave quite a bit of time to give professional advice to my cousin's daughter (whom I've only met once,.at a funeral) about her child. It all went quiet after that, so I emailed to ask how things were.

Absolutely no reply. I messaged my cousin (her mum) to ask if I'd offended the daughter and she replied and said no, I hadn't- all.was well. Still nothing from the daughter.

Words fail me.

Tracklement · 28/08/2025 09:40

Freak0000 · 28/08/2025 09:33

Sorry but it takes 3 seconds to write thanks but I'm really busy atm.
"Leave them alone", pfft..

Ah, this response gives a good indication as to why they aren’t keen on engaging with you

Tracklement · 28/08/2025 09:40

Freak0000 · 28/08/2025 09:33

Stop making excuses for them, they've plenty of time to post on social media.

They no doubt balance posting on SM with seeing friends that they want to see

Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot · 28/08/2025 09:43

What are they posting on social media? I do that when I’m low on energy from my bed.

Darragon · 28/08/2025 09:44

Freak0000 · 28/08/2025 09:33

Stop making excuses for them, they've plenty of time to post on social media.

This is AIBU not "I'm very reasonable and everyone else isn't."
It's a place to see other perspectives.
What do you want from your thread if not other points of view?

Original poster
Freak0000 · 28/08/2025 09:49

BallerinaRadio · 28/08/2025 09:36

No offense but if your demeanor is the same irl as it is here you might have the answer....

No offence but I couldn't really care less.

OP posts:
Original poster
Freak0000 · 28/08/2025 09:49

Darragon · 28/08/2025 09:44

This is AIBU not "I'm very reasonable and everyone else isn't."
It's a place to see other perspectives.
What do you want from your thread if not other points of view?

Show quote history

I am allowed to post to vent if I wish to.

OP posts:
Tracklement · 28/08/2025 09:51

These people are all very sensible… keeping this OP at arms length! 😆

Original poster
Freak0000 · 28/08/2025 09:51

Waste of time posting, couple of sensible answers but seems to have attracted the nobody owes anyone anything brigade, and the utterly boring and predictable "If your like this in real life I'm not surprised!!!11". Yawn.

OP posts:
Original poster
Freak0000 · 28/08/2025 09:52

Tracklement · 28/08/2025 09:51

These people are all very sensible… keeping this OP at arms length! 😆

Hehehe oh aren't you hilarious and clever

OP posts:
Tracklement · 28/08/2025 11:02

These friends…. Good on them!

Snugglemonkey · 28/08/2025 11:24

Freak0000 · 28/08/2025 09:33

Stop making excuses for them, they've plenty of time to post on social media.

That is much easier than messaging lots of people individually.

BlueCupOrangeCup · 28/08/2025 12:27

I don't message people who have babies, especially newborn. I stop all messaging unless they ping me. (In which case I'm delighted to hear from them and obviously engage etc)

Time on mumsnet has shown me that the last thing mothers of babies want is people messaging them or suggesting coming over/meeting up. Especially if said people are not mothers themselves!

I'd hate to be someone who induces an eye roll at the other end of the screen. I back off completely until I hear from them.

Some friendships have waned. But thats ok, the most important thing is that you didn't risk annoying the mother in any way.