Husband never takes kids out

[Ella19902]

My husband never takes our 7 and 4 year kids old out anywhere. At weekends I am doing all the party and activity drop off/pick ups and taking them to the park etc. My husband never takes them anywhere on his own. On an occasion I’ve got something on one weekend, I will get back home at the end of the day and find that they’ve just stayed in the house all day with tv on and as such they are both wired and restless. I am absolutely exhausted and feel I am never at home on my own. I’ve tried to make some suggestions to him about places he could take them too but he just doesn’t engage. The worst thing is that I never get any time at home to myself so our house is messy all the time as I struggle to get much housework done. I’m really frustrated - when I’m out at the park and parties etc I see lots of other dads out on their own with their kids and I just wish my husband would be more involved.
AIBU for feeling frustrated?

Why won’t he take them to a party?

Absolutely YANBU, it’s pathetic. What is his reasoning behind never taking them anywhere? What does he say when you say you’re doing the parties etc this weekend? No wonder you’re stressed, you have another child

Sounds like you have 3 children, not 2

Tell him it’s unacceptable and he needs to do this. Children are like dogs and need to be exercised for a good few hours a day. Doesn’t have to be soft play hell, but a good walk in the woods and a play at the park, a walk and feed the ducks, whatever but he needs to step up.

is thete a massive drip feed coming that you don’t work and have a cleaner and he’s working 60 hours a week?

dh and I have had discussions and we make our weekends work. To the park etc if we are both around we all go. What he doing?

Does he say why?

Same here

He'sd rather watch porn and play video games

Incredibly sad

YANBU. My EXH was like this. Sheer laziness. Particularly galling was if I got back after a few hours out was that not only had he plonked the kids in front of the tv all day, he had done absolutely nothing round the house but sat on his arse. I used to come back to such carnage with hyper kids and a wrecked house that it usually decided it wasn’t worth going out.

I totally sympathise with you.

This and many other issues, are why I am a single parent. I used to see men out with their kids, at the park, fishing, taking them for food and feel this sadness. Why wouldn't my husband do anything with them? It was just TV or falling asleep while the kids played at home (he thought that was looking after them - once my daughter (4) cut my baby son's hair while he was asleep). So I became a single parent and then just accepted I had to do it all.

I do wonder if some men just lack confidence and worry about perception when taking kids out. Or they are just pricks who don’t understand that kids seem occupied and happy to watch tv all day but actually end up fractious, wind each other up and bored.

I can never get my head round this I always found it easier to take them out

with in reason at 4 and 7 they’ll entertain each other other

My DP is SAHD for now, and he’s told me he gets funny looks when he’s out on his own with DD. Whereas when I carry her around in the sling, people smile at me. It’s made him feel quite self conscious.

OP it’s just really sad - he doesn’t want to be a parent. My DP has a friend similar, who doesn’t like spending time with his kids. Moans and curses them! Whereas we love spending time with DD and as a family. Maybe some people just aren’t ready for it, or can’t appreciate it.

Oh god I went through this. Worst was Sundays in the playground - it was all dads there and me! I don't have any good advice, OP, I failed and in the end left the relationship.

@Ketzele I'd call leaving that relationship a win.

I think you have to start the way you mean to go on - it starts when your babies are small. Dads should be involved in all aspects of care - bathing, dressing, bedtime and taking out and about. How have you got to age 7 and 4 and he never takes them out?

You need to have a sit down discussion and lay it out for him - this is what you need to do that you're not doing. Taking kids to parties, activities, the park, shopping etc. He needs to learn to manage the children on his own. Present it as non-negotiable because it is - it's a big part of being a parent. If you don't get anywhere, I'd be questioning his commitment to family life and reconsider if you want to continue the relationship.

He doesn't want to be a dad.

He'd rather do whatever he's doing than do something with his kids.

Just tell him it's his turn.

Did he even want kids to start with?

Was he hands on when they were babies and toddlers?

IMO, it’s unacceptable. And cruel. Cruel on the children and cruel on you. From the info you’ve given, I would say he’s a shit parent and a shit husband. I couldn’t be married to someone like this.

This is one of the reasons I am a single parent!! Now he only has them every other weekend and still does nothing with them and wonders why they’re bored, frustrated & bickering. The saddest part is my older 2 (12 & 10) don’t want to stay there at all any more. I still feel the sadness when I see dads/families out and about but I can’t change him.

Like others I’m a single parent and this is one reason why. My kids were a similar age to yours when we split up.

They need activity well into their secondary school years so it’s not something that will change very soon.

Some examples. My exh gave me the silent treatment once after I came home from the only weekend away I had with friends. He lost his job during Covid and once when I was working from home he asked me to finish early to watch the kids so he could make dinner. I dared to leave the house for 45 minutes to get a flu jab and he sulked about it for ages. But my personal favourite was when, also during the time he wasn’t working, he asked me to finish work early to help with the kids. I said no because I had something to finish. He said “can’t you just do that when they’re in bed?”

I’m afraid he’s still useless

Mine is the same. Thinks working full time equates to having a pass from doing any parenting or any house work.
He has done nothing with them over summer, he never has and never will unless its them watching TV with him.
I live my life like a single parent and plan for weekends as if I don't have a partner.

He sounds utterly pointless.

What does he bring to your life, exactly?

What’s the point?

Sad another married single mother. Dump him. You’ll be happier.

Neither, men like this are just lazy and selfish.

How pathetic. How has he managed to avoid it for 7 years?