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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going away without kids - the guilt has set in

50 replies

OliveSwan · 27/08/2025 17:35

So my husband and I have never been away without the kids - so roughly around 13 years.

We thought it would be nice to go back to Ibiza (where we met) to celebrate a milestone anniversary this October.

We will be away for 3 nights and the kids (who are 8 and 12) will be in school for some of that time and being looked after by my parents.

However, my 8 year old daughter is not happy about it. She is very attached to me and every time it’s mentioned she sobs uncontrollably, it’s absolutely breaking my heart.

My OH is insistent we still go but I’m on the verge of cancelling as it tears me up to think of her being so upset. Is it selfish to go and leave her or not? I just don’t know what to do…

OP posts:
Didimum · 27/08/2025 17:48

DH and I go away every year for 3 nights. Tacked onto a work trip for me, so I’m gone for 4.

Kids don’t like it (they are 7), but it’s 3 out of 365 nights. DH and I are important too.

Everyone is different though. I give them a big kiss, promise them gifts and happily get on with my adult time. They are always fine and when I get back aren’t that bothered!

MellowPinkDeer · 27/08/2025 17:54

Of course you go! The kids will get over it! I don’t think it’s remotely healthy for an 8 year old to be dictating your movements!

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 27/08/2025 18:13

Of course you should still go!
At 8 she’s old enough to understand that it’s okay for you to do things without her. Not a chance I’d be cancelling in these circumstances.

ishimbob · 27/08/2025 18:18

I think perhaps you told them too early?

I would start talking about time away from the kids more like a week or two in advance. Sounds like she's stewing on it.

It's only three nights, I would just do it. She will be fine

Ponderingwindow · 27/08/2025 18:20

I’m not one to leave lightly and I think you should go. She is 8 and you aren’t going away for months.

Change in routine is scary for some children, but she can get through this and it is an important milestone. Knowing she can be ok for a bit without you means she can then handle her own adventures.

promise to bring home a souvenir and put some time together after your return on the calendar .

Coldnightsapproachingwhereismyduvet · 27/08/2025 18:21

Explain to dd she goes to school every day and you don't sit at home sobbing.. Adults are allowed to have fun too.
At 8 this really shouldn't be her first time being left behind!!

doitwithlove · 27/08/2025 18:22

you can always face-time the kids if your parents have a mobile. It is important to have “you time”

RandomUsernameHere · 27/08/2025 18:23

Has she been away from you overnight before for sleepovers? Why do you think she is so worried about it, is it the thought of being away from you or is she concerned that something will happen to you and your husband?

BlueMum16 · 27/08/2025 18:26

You absolutely need to go.

Next time she mentions it or gets upset, explain it's only a couple of days, she will have a great time and change the conversation.

Enjoy Ibiza. How exciting!

jonthebatiste · 27/08/2025 18:31

You’ll be doing your 8yo more harm by giving into her tears and teaching her that she can dictate what her parents do as a couple separate from her. A certain degree of separation anxiety is acceptable and should be sympathized with. But it’s your job to teach her resilience - and honestly, it won’t take much. She will be with her grandparents and sister, and also at school. It really couldn’t be better organized. Don’t give in and cancel, it’s entirely the wrong thing for her.

GonnaeNoDaeThatJustGonnaeNo · 27/08/2025 18:36

3 nights is nothing. You need to tough it out with your daughter. Has she never stayed overnight with grandparents? Is she not in cubs or brownies? Time to get her having more overnight stays away from home.

Do not give in or she will think she can get her own way over everything.

You are doing nothing wrong at all. Go and don't feel guilty. Have a brilliant break.

Deadringer · 27/08/2025 18:39

Go. My dc have such lovely memories of staying with their GPS when they were younger. Your dd isn't happy about it but she will get over it.

wonderstuff · 27/08/2025 18:51

Definitely go. Your dd will be fine, she may be a bit upset but she’ll be safe and well cared for and it might even be good for her, she might enjoy time with her grandparents.

You absolutely deserve to be able to spend some quality time with DH without the kids, they won’t be little forever and one day will up and leave you without giving a second thought.

Mine are now 17 and 15, they don’t want to spend much time with DH and I anymore, and I’m so glad now that DH and I had semi-regular weekends away (every year or other year) when they were smaller. We did the first one when dd was 2 and I was pregnant with DS, DH won an incentive at work which was a weekend away and it was too good an opportunity to miss. We had proper laughs, we remembered why we liked each other. It was so good to be away from the grind of parenting.

I think it’s so important to do some things without the kids, because I think you risk feeling quite lost when they go otherwise.

Zanatdy · 27/08/2025 18:53

She will be fine. It’s only a few nights and if you have childcare help then I do think it’s good to prioritise couple time too.

MyElatedUmberFinch · 27/08/2025 18:56

It isn’t at all selfish to go.

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 27/08/2025 18:57

At their age this is absolutely nothing. Two weeks I would understand but three days?! Do not feel guilty, not for one second.

SquishedMallow · 27/08/2025 19:04

I've got a colleague, her and her DH have left their children since they were about 5&7 to go on an abroad holiday every year for 2 weeks at a time, just the 2 of them. (Personally, I don't agree with it and think it's wrong )

So I was all ready to open this and see you doing similar....

3 nights away , especially as this is only the first time bless you, is absolutely acceptable and your children are a decent age in which to do it.

Go have fun. 3 nights isn't that many at all. It'll be good for your DD to learn to navigate a little time away from you - it'll be healthy for her.

Enjoy. Feel the guilt and do it anyway ! You've got the balance correct on this one .

DaisyChain505 · 27/08/2025 19:06

You are not just a parent.

You are a partner and an individual person who deserves and needs time alone with their husband and by yourself.

It is so important to have time together as a couple so you can nurture your relationship. If you don’t do this one day your children will be gone and you’ll be left in a marriage that is stale because you focused everything on your children and neglected your partnership.

materialgworl · 27/08/2025 19:14

Go. She will get over it.

Purplebutterups · 27/08/2025 19:35

Hubby and I used to go away for a long weekend or week every year from the kids were 2&1. It actually gets harder as they get older (now 13&12)…..I’m feeling totally overwhelmed at the logistics of going away for 2 nights in a couple of weeks. Grandparents are a decade older now and struggle with the weekend sport schedule. The last few years we’ve switched to a night away in a hotel less than 30 minutes from home.
you absolutely have to go. And then schedule in some nights away in a nice local hotel so DD gets used to it.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 27/08/2025 19:46

Omg you need to have a life too op!

I’ve been leaving g my now 4 year old for a week since she was 18months

she’s gonna be in Ireland for possibly 2 weeks in school holidays next year with Nana cus I need help with childcare!!

she stays with her auntie all the time so I can go to music festivals for long weekends

id crack up if I didn’t get some time to myself and trips away without the kids

you deserve it op and she’ll be fine

ProfessionalWhimsicalSkidaddler · 27/08/2025 19:48

We’ve book a holiday just us for the first time. My 13 yr old couldn’t care less. Is only bothered she isn’t able to skip school and come with us. But oh my god, I feel so guilty and like I’m tempting fate for us to die and leave her. I’ve never been in a different country to her. I don’t know how I’d cope if she was adding guilt. You have to go tho. She will be fine.

OrangeSlices998 · 27/08/2025 19:49

Go.

An 8 year old doesn’t get to dictate whether you have a holiday or not! She can be sad and have her feelings about it but you deserve to go.

Daftypants · 28/08/2025 17:58

3 nights , and likely being spoilt by granny and grandad !
What’s not to like 😄
We never got away because there wasn’t anyone able or willing to mind our children .
We found ourselves living a bit closer to my parents and we managed to get away for 2 nights .
By that point my oldest was 15 and we hadn’t been away as a couple at all .
all 3 were fine , although the youngest was sat waiting looking out for us when we were due home .
Unfortunately we didn’t get that opportunity again nobody would do it for us

Mcoco · 28/08/2025 18:45

I feel sorry for you. I could never have left my 8 year old as she was always so clingy. So feel your pain. She will be fine and might end up quite enjoying time with her grandparents.