How do I plan this party?

[BirthdayPartyPooper]

Posting on AIBU for traffic because I can’t work this out without really upsetting someone. My daughter is due to have her birthday in October. She’s picked an activity that has a party package available but it’s for restricted numbers. Luckily she has a small class. Unluckily, there’s only 8 children allowed and there’s 10 girls in her class. One is away so we would literally be leaving one child out. I’ve contacted the organisation and there’s no wiggle room on numbers at all. My daughter has picked her friends from the class and is happy, but I feel awful leaving one child out. Should I just get on with it and hope the child doesn’t find out? Or contact the mum and explain and hope it’s ok? Or send out invites and hope someone can’t attend and then I can invite the extra child?

Personally I wouldn't do this and would choose another activity - imagine how the one left out child will feel.

Does she have anyone else instead she could invite so e.g. five from school and then two cousins or friends from elsewhere? Then it wouldn't be singling one child out.

I couldn’t do that. Nope. I’d pick something else.

Even if she didn’t even like the extra kid, I couldn’t do it.

Can you contact some of the other parents, just putting feelers out about the date and see if there’s anyone who can’t make it?

I'd find another activity. We've had similar in the past and we've just either gone for an activity that only 3 or 4 kids are invited to or something that can take the entire number of girls in the year. It's really cruel to leave just one girl out.

Maybe take only four other kids, so she’s not taking the whole class.

I was just about to post this - if 8 is the max, you don't have to use all 8 spaces.

You can't leave just one girl out. Either invite a smaller number or go somewhere else. Or make it a mixed group of girls/boys.

Just have the party you want. You don't owe everyone an invitation

Definitely put the date forwarded and see what the response from the other parents is. It's unlikely you'll have a 100% rsvp rate. If it looks like you will, I'd change the activity.

Please don't do this its really cruel. Can you imagine how your dd would feel if it was her left out? Do a different party if you have to.

Imagine your daughter was the one girl left out. That's awful.

Agree with the others - you could put date out to the parents first just to see whether there is anyone that can't make it before you book. Or just invite the four girls who your DD is closest to. Or find another party.

I know it's disappointing for your daughter but I don't think I could knowingly leave one child out - in such a small class it feels really mean.

Or you could play 'party roulette' and book it whilst keeping everything crossed that there is an illness / no show/ 'I forgot all about it' on the day but I wouldn't recommend that as a strategy!

Edited for typos.

Nope, I could not go through with that.

Leaving just one child out is awful.

I couldn’t and wouldn’t do that. It’s really unkind.
Find another activity or invite just a small group of 4 or 5.

Yes I would do as others suggest and only invite 4 others or change the activity to something everyone can go to. You say the party package is only for 8, but is this the same for any booking? E.g. they can technically have more in a session but are being funny about it being a party?

I always tell my kids you can’t be invited to everyone’s party. Invite whoever you want. It’s normal and part of life to not get every invite.

I wouldn’t do the activity

And I say that as a parent who has never hosted a whole class party before when mine were younger

but that was 12/13/24 kids not coming

not ONE

How old are they?

Absolutely do not do that!!! That poor child. Could you not allow 3-4 from the class and 1-2 from outwith? So that the only child doesn’t feel picked out? Or change the venue, don’t leave them out that would be really cruel x

Presumably the whole class isn't just those 10 girls?

And you aren't leaving one girl out, you wouldn't have invited the other one either

If you tell her she can't do this because it doesn't included everyone but she doesn't want those girls there anyway you're basically teaching her she has to give up what she wants to please others

Is she not friends with any boys? 5 girls and 3 boys would mean it’s not one girl excluded.

In fact, I’d be tempted to invite the 5 girls, if they all accept then 3 boys. If one declines, then the rest of the girls.

My son was 1 of 2 children left out of a class party a couple of years ago, there was 25 in the class and apparently the venue was 25 max and the birthday child has 2 cousins so 2 were selected to not be invited.
I still think the parents are arseholes.
I would not do this to a child.
We haven't done a whole class party since then, just a couple of close friends but if we do I know it will absolutely stick in my throat to invite that child but I'll do it anyway because I couldn't leave just him out.

I think it would be very upsetting to not invite just one of the girls. Does she have any other friends outside of school? So invite fewer school friends and other friends/family too? Or just make it smaller with a 4-5 children.