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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sudden fear of ‘active holiday’ at 50

41 replies

smithypants · 27/08/2025 13:16

as a family we ALWAYS do active holidays. Walking, swimming, sailing, camping, surfing etc etc. I’ve got 2 teenage boys and understood the deal that painting nails and having nice shopping trips in pretty towns was never going to be my life on family holiday (sob!).

However combination of irrational fear, sudden menopause weight gain and being 50 and bones creaking has led me to dread our holiday in 2 days. We are beach club sailing with Mark Warner and up to this point I have been really excited. But the family keep talking about the wind forecast being amazing (Strong) and how much fun it will be to capsize me and I have just got the fear and am shitting my pants.

Is there a way of over-coming this? I don’t want to give in and not keep challenging myself.

Help. I feel so fortunate to be having a holiday but also dreading it at the same time.

OP posts:
ZippyPeer · 27/08/2025 13:29

Probably you'll be fine once you get out there! If you can acknowledge the feelings but also remind yourself that they will go once you get into it, might help?

Although I would tell your family members that you are not in the right place to be messed with/teased/ capsized and under no circumstances are they to undermine your confidence on this. Get your partner to back you up

UnaOfStormhold · 27/08/2025 13:46

It's easy to lose confidence particularly when the media shows us so few active older women, but it's so important for our health to keep active as it's very much a use it or lose it situation. I'd be clear with your family how you're feeling, make clear what you really don't want (capsizing!), and use the holiday as an opportunity to get moving and challenge what you think is possible. I thoroughly recommend a look at these amazing photos and reading some of the stories behind them for inspiration:

alexrotasphotography.co.uk/galleries/postcards/

Sturtium · 27/08/2025 13:47

Tell them you feel a bit fragile and in need of TLC please. There really is no rule that you have to scrum down and be gung ho if you don’t feel like it. Take care of yourself! Maybe your holiday right now would ideally be something gentle and girly, and that’s absolutely fine. Being adaptable is great, being over adaptive, not so much.

Purplecatshopaholic · 27/08/2025 13:50

I think we lose confidence if we read stuff about 50-ish year old women, and what we are supposed to be/do/not do/not wear, etc. I stopped doing that and try to just go with the flow. If I feel capable and want to do something I do it, if not, I won’t - either way age doesn’t come into it. You’ll enjoy it when you get there op.

defrazzled · 27/08/2025 13:52

Are they joking about capsizing everyone? If so then it will all be fine I am sure. If it is just you and it's a 'lets all mock the middle aged woman' vibe I would find myself drawn to the spa and beach instead.

TheLette · 27/08/2025 13:53

I hope you enjoy your holiday but I also think you should consider why your holiday must always be an active one. All the family should enjoy the holiday, otherwise what's the point. There must be some way of having a holiday where you can do a bit of what you'd like to do too, whilst your kids are also happy. If not, can you book a separate trip with some friends/other family?

Cathandkin · 27/08/2025 13:55

YABU to think that only boys like active holidays. My daughter never wanted to go round shops or have her nails painted.
I found that having active teenagers - even girls! keeps you fit, but don't be afraid to make adjustments or be clear on what you're doing. I'm pretty much doing the same at 65 as 45, but there are adjustments, and I do adapt schedules.

outerspacepotato · 27/08/2025 13:55

Men threatening to capsize you is bullying. Men enjoying threatening to dump you in the water deliberately is misogyny.

I would talk to them how misogynistic this is and that it's outright bullying. It's not fun when the target is afraid, unless they're sadists.

If they don't change their tune after being told to stop the bullying immediately, go do your thing and let them go sailing themselves.

I've been sailing quite a bit. No one ever has joked about dumping someone in the water. It's not funny. I think their mindset is dangerous.

Them threatening to dump you in open water is almost deliberately trying to frighten you and I wouldn't have it.

Newgirls · 27/08/2025 13:55

It’s ok to set some new boundaries on what’s fun and what isn’t for the group. Don’t have to be a killjoy. Prob doing future friends/girlfreinds a favour too

enjoy your holiday how you want it

5128gap · 27/08/2025 13:58

Do you need to keep challenging yourself? Keeping fit and healthy is important, but there are no rules to say this has to be scary or unpleasant. I think living half a century gives you the insight to know your own mind and the right, after years of doing other people's stuff, to do what you actually enjoy, not what you think you should be doing.

Cathandkin · 27/08/2025 13:59

outerspacepotato · 27/08/2025 13:55

Men threatening to capsize you is bullying. Men enjoying threatening to dump you in the water deliberately is misogyny.

I would talk to them how misogynistic this is and that it's outright bullying. It's not fun when the target is afraid, unless they're sadists.

If they don't change their tune after being told to stop the bullying immediately, go do your thing and let them go sailing themselves.

I've been sailing quite a bit. No one ever has joked about dumping someone in the water. It's not funny. I think their mindset is dangerous.

Them threatening to dump you in open water is almost deliberately trying to frighten you and I wouldn't have it.

Edited

This is a very good point. I've been sailing a lot, and DH and DD never behaved like this.

ShodAndShadySenators · 27/08/2025 14:06

5128gap · 27/08/2025 13:58

Do you need to keep challenging yourself? Keeping fit and healthy is important, but there are no rules to say this has to be scary or unpleasant. I think living half a century gives you the insight to know your own mind and the right, after years of doing other people's stuff, to do what you actually enjoy, not what you think you should be doing.

I agree with this but also with TheLette - is there any chance that you could have even a weekend break away with a friend to do the kind of activities you would enjoy? I had a long weekend in Amsterdam last year with two friends, we enjoyed the museums and shopping very much...

Namechangedasouting987 · 27/08/2025 14:09

I got to 55 and decided enough was enough. If my DH and DC (3 sporty active older teens and young adults) wanted to be active on holiday they could be. And I wouldnt.
Yes we all should remain active and challenge ourselves blah blah blah
But if I don't want to cold water swim/ coasteer/ fell run/ SUP I bloody well won't.
I'll stay in the cottage/ hotel and read and drink tea.
It is your holiday too. And your life.

ErrolTheDragon · 27/08/2025 14:11

YANBU to feel like this if your family are being arseholes.

But please dont let it put you off. We did lots of Neilson beach club hols when I was your age and DD was a teen (believe me she’d have utterly hated nails and shopping!😂). There were loads of middle aged parents participating with varying levels of ability. The staff were great at helping anyone who capsized (it does happen by accident).

i got to be able to sail a laser 4.7 in pretty good wind (dd liked windsurfing so we went to windier locations than if we’d just sailed) - and honestly every year before the first session I’d be shitting myself beforehand (as in literally needing to dash to the loo just before!) but then I’d really enjoy it.

PosiePetal · 27/08/2025 14:12

I had this on our last ski-ing holiday. Our dc were about 12 and 14 then and I was late 40's. I was always a very confident skier! Husband suggested alcohol as it was 'in my head'. So, at the next cafe we came to on our way down, I had a pint of beer. Something was unlocked and that was it! Over it!

minipie · 27/08/2025 14:19

Tell them anyone who capsizes you is going to be doing all their own laundry, cooking and clearing up for ever after. You don’t have to put up with that kind of shit. Plenty of other ways to be fun.

And surely the whole point of Mark Warner is that everyone can do their own thing? They can go off and sail while you do tennis, a weights class or visit the local shops. Then reconvene for meals.

dottiedodah · 27/08/2025 14:25

I think sometimes you can get a bit "outnumbered" by a sporty male type enviroment. Your Sons arent babies, and are old enough to understand that Mum might fancy a change of pace for once ! Just say to hubby that you might like a sit on the beach/spot of shopping /coffee by the pool with a good book.I think us Mums tend to sacrifice a lot for the kids fun.When mine were small I was persuaded on a backwards roller coaster . Terrifying! You dont have to keep challenging yourself to do anything.Surely holidays are all about relaxation at the end of the day

CreepyCoupe · 27/08/2025 14:32

I’m a mum of sons. I’ve found peri has made me lose a bit of physical confidence. We scuba dive and I’ve suddenly thought ‘actually, this is quite dangerous!’. I’m fighting against these instincts as I think it’s hormonal rather than rational.

Radiatorvalves · 27/08/2025 14:37

I think a conversation with the family, perhaps DH first to say that you’re not finding the joking that funny.

im a couple of years older with boys 18&20 and we’ve just had a sailing holiday. I let them get on with most of the physical stuff. There was never any joking about dunking me. I’d have been furious if there was. I know I’m a bit arthritic, balance is a bit fishy etc. I want to keep up as long as possible. And chucking me off a paddle board etc would make me head for the nail salon pdq.

WFHforevermore · 27/08/2025 14:43

Sit them down and tell them the truth, just like you have here.

Tell them in no uncertain terms that if they capsize you, you'll be going home and locking the doors!!😂
My boys tipped me in the water a few years ago and i cant swim, i went hysterical, they never did it again!

mugglewump · 27/08/2025 14:44

I went on several Mark Warner holidays when the kids were little because of the great provision for young children. I never once stepped foot on a windsurfer, dinghy or paddleboard. It's your holiday too so take it easy if you want to. Let the others go off and do the activities and you can swim, snorkel and read your book.

leccybill · 27/08/2025 17:06

I'd be waving them off for a lovely day while you sit under a parasol with a good book and a cold wine. It's your holiday too!

Rocketpants50 · 27/08/2025 17:12

I have gone from I am up for anything to feeling quite cautious. I always do all the activities with them - this year though I was unwell on holiday, just a cold but made me feel rotten. For the first time I said no I will watch you and actually just enjoyed watching them have fun. They dont need me to be there as older but there was lots of shouting at me to look! Am happy now to be a bit more selective of my activities.

Suffolker · 27/08/2025 18:35

Send them off for the day to enjoy their fun and have some time to yourself to relax. You are entitled to some enjoyment from the holiday too. If you decide to take part, make it clear that it’s on your terms and that you’re not up for capsizing!

herbalteabag · 27/08/2025 19:01

I'm early 50s and just went on a fairly active holiday. I like active things and enjoying nature, but I did feel a little stressed as my teenage son wanted to go all out cycling and hiking and I simply couldn't keep up with him.
I think holidays are for all members of the family to have a nice time, so yours should be made to understand that capsizing you or teasing you isn't acceptable.