Sudden fear of ‘active holiday’ at 50

[smithypants]

as a family we ALWAYS do active holidays. Walking, swimming, sailing, camping, surfing etc etc. I’ve got 2 teenage boys and understood the deal that painting nails and having nice shopping trips in pretty towns was never going to be my life on family holiday (sob!).

However combination of irrational fear, sudden menopause weight gain and being 50 and bones creaking has led me to dread our holiday in 2 days. We are beach club sailing with Mark Warner and up to this point I have been really excited. But the family keep talking about the wind forecast being amazing (Strong) and how much fun it will be to capsize me and I have just got the fear and am shitting my pants.

Is there a way of over-coming this? I don’t want to give in and not keep challenging myself.

Help. I feel so fortunate to be having a holiday but also dreading it at the same time.

You can be as active as you want on a MW holiday. I remember my DH and I spent four days of our first one glued to out lounger totally stunned that we had no little ones to chase around. Then we found our groove and did activities we enjoyed.
You can always set yourself a different type of challenge such as reading X amount of books in a week or swimming a mile a day etc.

My concious brain says "use it or lose it, feel the fear and do it anyway" my sub-concious brain whinges "don't aggravate this pathetic niggle". My concious brain replies "sod off! 3... 2... 1..." my knees launch into action and subconcious brain sabotages by pressing the red button halfway through some kind of preparatory squat to jump and my body stalls. Really fucking annoying!

I think it's a bad combination of timing of hitting my 40s in lockdown and that gap where it was hard to do adventurous stuff then as normality resumed hitting a slow-recovery injury affecting me for another year. I think if there hadn't been that prolonged gap and I'd just kept doing stuff, it would have been harder for those subconcious doubts to settle in. It's frustating as I'm otherwise fit and strong (and DH is older but still gung-ho!)
I'm not ready to sit at the sidelines for the next 40-50 years!

Do any of you already sail? If not it might be that the wind is actually too strong for beginners so they shouldn’t get too excited- You don’t really want gusts nuch anbive above 15 knots. Also you don’t really go around deliberately capsizing other dinghies as any collision carries risk of damage to both boats so I wouldn’t worry about that too much.

That's why I'd never go on an activity holiday with my dd17 who hates, shops, pink, dresses and make up. I'm sure she'd love nothing better than putting her 60 year old dm in a difficult position!

Book yourself into the spa and let them get on with it!

I’d totally book into the spa and let them do it. I’m in my 50’s, still do a ton of active stuff but I no longer want to do things that put me in danger/at risk of serious injury. I used to love skiing but after seeing multiple friends tear their ACL and have surgery, extensive rehab, potentially being unable to drive I just don’t want to do it anymore, the disruption should something go wrong would just be too great!

On our holidays (me, DH, DD, DS) we often split up and do things separately as not everyone enjoys the same things. We usually have meals together though unless the teenagers are tired and want to chill while DH and I go out for dinner by ourselves.

I would try sailing at almost 50 if it was properly supervised. I am sure the staff will be accommodating of beginners. I would possibly NOT do sailing if I thought my family was going to try to capsize the boat. That's unsafe. I'd be giving everyone a stern talking to beforehand and see how seriously they take it.

I went on a Neilson holiday 2 years ago. It had been a tough year and I agreed to the holiday, but made it clear that if I would only be doing the yoga and Pilates and then relaxing by the pool for the rest of the day. Some days I was the only person at the pool, but I totally de stressed and loved it. Of course I got questioned by some of the competitive ladies, asking what activities I had done, but I was quite Ok with saying ‘none’.
My life is full on and I felt zero guilt. Go and enjoy your holiday and do as much or as little as you want.

I'm 50 and that sort of holiday would be just as anathema to me as it would at 20.

That's not to say I am completely inactive on holiday and I'm certainly not in everyday life, but I don't want to be water skiing and bungee jumping. Holidays are for spending a lot of time staring into space and doing very little.

I've had a good go at ski-ing and hated everything about it. If DH and DDs wanted to go I don't think I'd even want to go to a place where there was a lot to do as a non-skier, as I just hate the cold, ice and snow.

I agree with PP it’s the perfect holiday as everyone can do what they want. I’m up early for yoga or another stretch class and then dip in and out of activities as I want. The (almost adult) kids also join in with activities as they want and we all meet for lunch and dinner. Perfect!

Thanks everyone. I just really needed a bit of a pep talk and confidence boost and you did that. Thanks for all the permission not to participate!

Good. Do as much or as little as you want and don’t put up with horseplay if it’s tantamount to bullying from your family.

Looking forward to your updates, OP. x

OP it’s Mark Warner. Why are you doing the active stuff you don’t want to?! Send the teens and dh. Say you’ve picked up the timetable of other things and have decided you don’t fancy sailing this time. You’re going to do the aqua aerobics /join the group bike ride / beach Pilates / take the bus to the local town/ booked the spa.

We generally go in 4 different directions on a Mark Warner holiday then meet for lunch. That’s part of the appeal.

It is not either be active or sit around. A nice holiday is walking in old towns, scenic areas, clocking up 20,000 steps and going for coffee and shopping.

You can still be active without the adventure sports.

Or persuade the boys to go on a nasty hot bike ride while you have a lovely sail.