AIBU?

[MMC1529]

Been with my partner around 13 years and we have a house 2 children together and another one on the way. Always had a lovely relationship, both a quite chilled and always mention to eachother how we're best friends and partners. I had x2 quite traumatising emergency csections and due to my last one being abit much for my body I will need to have an elective this time about a month before my due date due to being high risk.

We both agreed 3 kids is what we want and the most we want, so I asked him to get the snip once this pregnancy is over and baby is here. Partner is totally against this. I've tried every method of contraception and it just makes me a raging hormonal mess where I bleed every day and it's just not nice so end up coming off it and using condoms however this year we had a few occasions where condoms we're not reliable due to them splitting and here we are pregnant again.

AIBU to expect him to get the snip? I feel really upset that he's against it after him seeing what iv been through in births previously. He told me to get them to tie my tubes but I feel I don't want to 1. Add more recovery time to my c section healing and 2. I feel my body has been through enough.

YANBU

What are his reasons for being against it?

Why is he against it?

YANBU to want him to, but at the end of the day his bodily autonomy is his and his alone, so a no is a no.

I’m sorry but you just be using condoms really inappropriately and incorrectly in order to experience so many splitting.

My sister refused to sleep with her husband until he had the snip...which in your situation sounds reasonable

YANBU but ultimately it’s up to him and you can’t force him to, it’s his body his choice. You can however refuse to have sex with him unless he’s wearing a condom for the rest of your lives though, and that may make him reconsider. But also the baby isn’t even born yet, he may change his mind in time once he’s through it all through properly.

He literally doesn't have a full excuse just says doesn't want to.. 🤣 no idea!

Yet another selfish man who thinks contraception should be a women’s job. Fully understand why you don’t want an extra operation

I would be explaining what exactly you have done, so all contraception over the years, and ask what he has done? Then explain again what your body has gone through regarding having children and ask what his body has gone through. Then explain number 3 is due to a contraceptive failure so what is he going to do to ensure it doesn’t happen again as your body has had enough

if he says nothing then the options to himare vasectomy or no sex, which does he want

Abstinence then…

He’s an idiot, but i’d just ask them to sterilise me when doing the section or you’ll find yourself pregnant again.

Yes definitely agree on his body his choice etc, but I can't help but feel angry after have two major surgeries and him not taking one for the team haha. And sorry reading the post back it does insinuate the condom splits everytime which I can assure you it isn't the case it's happened about 3 times this year but my point is how easy it is to get pregnant after two kids already 🙈🤣

This is what I have said 🤣🤣🤣

YANBU. He has as much right to autonomy as you do but if he's going to use that to NOT have the snip, then you get to use yours to prevent pregnancy in whichever way suits you mmif that's abstinence then so be it. I would add though, if you are having a c section again could they combine that with a tube tie? I don't know, I'm just wondering if that would be a solution.

He clearly doesn’t think contraception is a woman’s problem if he’s been wearing condoms. The issue there is learning to use them correctly.

It is SUCH a dangerous slope when anyone suggests that one not having procedures on their body at the request of an another is ‘selfish’. That should never be part of the language of bodily consent, regardless of sex.

Getting your tubes tied wouldn't add more recovery time 🤷🏼‍♀️
However, it's your body and your choice (just as it is his body and his choice).

No snip = no sex!

They most certainly can but said it is more recovery and my last c section I had extra work done to my uterus and had my bladder cut away from my womb as it was all stuck together to trying to avoid more pain / down time 😢🙈

I have a prev section that was really complex so want to avoid further work to my body if I can help it

Three times in a year is still way too many for correct condom use. You are using them incorrectly, so he should find out why.

I don’t think you can use one person’s procedure/surgery as ammunition against another’s. They are separate things.

Again, I understand your feelings here, but, in my humble opinion, it is what it is and everyone’s own body choices should be respected.

It's his body but I understand the frustration.

You can also decide not to have sex since contraception/condoms don't work for you.

YABU to expect him to get the snip. His body his choice. The same way you have decided you don’t want to be sterilised at the same time as your csec, which is completely ok, your body your choice. Sounds like condoms or no sex are the only options. Neither of you should be forced to do something to your body you don’t want

It's elective so won't be complex. It is very simple as they're already in there.

You can't make him have the snip.

Just going by what I've been told I know the operation itself won't be complex but what I've had done two years ago is and I'm at a huge risk due to that :(

Just ask your obstetrician I bet they will say tube tying is absolutely no problem as you're having an elective c section.

If you're adamant you don't want it then you can understand how he feels.

Maybe a coil if you're against oral contraception?

Firstly, if you've experienced a condom splitting 3 times this year you aren't putting them on properly. I'm sure there's lots of tutorials on YouTube.

Secondly, I understand you wanting him to have the snip but its his body and he's quite entitled to say no.

Lastly, sterilisation adds a very small amount of time to the surgery when having a c section, but it doesn't really add to the recovery.

It’s up to him and it’s up to you if you want to have sex with and risk having more DC.