To be upset and embarrassed by the consultant's secretary?

[wuminzo]

I am deaf. I use hearing aids and can hear ok with them, but in certain situations it's a struggle to hear what people are saying.

The consultant's secretary was sitting with two others in a line. She was not directly opposite me but off to my right, that's how the desk situation worked and I couldn't get any closer to her. She was giving me information about upcoming procedure, a lot of information! I told her I couldn't hear her as I was deaf. She didn't acknowledge this and carried on. Despite repeated requests to repeat herself and constantly telling her I was deaf she did nothing, well she sighed and Word. By. Word. In. That. Fashion said it again.

She could have got up from her seat and stood in front of me which I said would work better but she didn't. I was so embarrassed as the office was full of people who were avidly listening (the irony!) to this drama.

I am very upset. I feel if I were physically disabled similar disrespect wouldn't have happened. I felt she saw me as stupid or thick (I'm old and grey ha ha).

When I got home I was livid, it's going over and over in my head. I was going to ring straight away, but am calming myself down.

Would you, or should I contact her myself and let her know how rude and uncaring she was, and that she caused me embarrassment? Or should I just sleep on it and forget about it. I think I feel better having got it out to MN, so I may just leave it.

Thanks for reading if you got this far!!

I'm sorry. I'm currently staying with my mother who is virtually stone deaf. She would be totally unable to take anything in in the circumstances you describe. It's unacceptable. I would write a clear, factual email, stating what happened and that you feel that patients with hearing problems need special consideration to make sure they don't lose out on vital information, and also to be treated with respect, just like everybody else. Good luck.

I would look at it as
will it help you to feel better if you leave it rest, or if you go back to the department with a complaint?

If you do complain I wouldnt talk to the specific woman directly, I would write a letter/email and send it to whatever person manages complaints at the department. Mumsnet would probably be able to help you word a good email and ChatGpt is also very good at that sort of thing if you give it a detailed brief

I think you should follow the hospital's complaints procedure and do it formally.

Approach it as helping prevent another deaf person suffering the same, if that helps.

Please complain - this sort of thing is just plain ignorant. If I'd been there I would have had a word on your behalf because you have been treated with huge disrespect and it's just unacceptable.

I work in healthcare, I would encourage you to log a complaint. It will be reviewed and addressed. From what you said it's unacceptable behaviour.

Definitely complain , ignorant woman .

I think you should look up the complaints procedure, rather than going back to her. For two reasons:

1. you still need that information prior to your procedure, it's important.

2. they need to ensure this doesn't happen to anyone else, or to you again.

Could you have asked her to put all the information in a document so you can read it in your own time. Even when I can hear clearly, important information, like this, I always prefer to be written down.

Saying that, in her position, she should have been aware of disabilities and acted appropriately, so you should complain

Complain via PALS at your hospital. Complaints are logged and reviewed via an official system.
How ignorant and rude!!

I would report her as she should have come over to you to speak to you to make sure you could hear.

Please report your experience through the official channel.

What happened and how it made you feel.

Something similar happened to me 2+ years ago. A foreign medic refused to lower his mask whilst explaining details about what to expect from my imminent cataract surgery. I couldn’t lip read so was unprepared for the surgery. I was thus terrified and hated the procedure. I should have complained, but didn’t. I simply didn’t return to that clinic and went elsewhere for my other eye.

This is your opportunity to be an ambassador for the deaf community.

This...give PALs a ring in the morning to complain. So sorry this was your experience..awful.

I'm reading all your lovely replies and I'm feeling a bit choked up TBH. Honestly - you lot actually GET IT whereas the secretary just didn't and didn't seem to care. I am surprised at how upset I am as I get this a lot, but because it was in public I felt so degraded. I am so grateful for your suggestions and will read them properly later on when I've had some tea! I do agree that I should be an ambassador for the deaf community for sure!

I am thinking along the lines of writing to the hospital asking them what their policy is in relation to deaf people presenting for treatment, specifically in X Department where the acoustics and set up do not lend themselves to good communication with deaf people.

Whew! I could cry with the humiliation I felt earlier. Honestly it was pure free entertainment for those waiting and watching. So embarrassed to have that attention on me from strangers who ended up knowing more than I did about what my health status was! 😊

I'm sorry you had to experience that, OP. I agree with everyone else that you should make a formal complaint. Asking the hospital what their policy is towards deaf people presenting for treatment is a very good approach.

I’m so sorry this happened to you, it’s absolutely unacceptable and you should complain (if you feel up to it.)

For what it’s worth, if I’d overheard this then I’d have said something.

If I had been there I would have been looking at her thinking what a bitch. I certainly wouldn’t have been looking at you thinking you were stupid.

Definitely complain. She needs spoken to at least but definitely training.

Yes, I think you should write in at least informally.

As someone with an often-invisible disability (though I now use an assistance dog, which increases visibility in one way but adds different issues) my suggestion for a complaint or letter would be to focus on the accessibility and privacy issues and less on your feelings. I don't say that because your feelings are unimportant, but in general a complaint about someone "embarrassing you" is more likely to result in platitudes and an apology while giving them more objective feedback creates something obviously actionable and flags this as something practices are required to address.

I would explain how the receptionist's actions impaired your ability to access consultant services (you were struggling to get needed information and to be sure your own questions and statements were understood, you were increasingly concerned about privacy and that became a distraction) and some specific examples of things she could have done to assist (moving closer, ensuring her face was easily visible, pausing to listen closely to you, etc.) and things the practice can do, like having a space available for these conversations to take place in private with better acoustics and proximity. You don't have to leave all mention of emotions out but I wouldn't lead with it or focus on it.

Complain - but not directly to her
Its a process and inclusivity issue that requires training and explicit guidance how to sensitively work with hearing impaired people
sorry you were treated so poorly

Write a factual letter, what happened and the interactions with the staff
You absolutely should not have been treated so shoddily
This will not be the hospital policy and if the trust is told of episodes that are inadequate they can address it

The secretary should be the one who feels embarrassed (and ashamed), not you. There is absolutely no excuse for her behaviour. I would write to the consultant and complain, and the Hospital/Trust, suggesting further training on how to effectively communicate with and help all patients is necessary.

And don't for a minute think that anyone in that waiting room thought less of you - I am sure they were all thinking that she was a total dick. (Sadly, I am not surprised no one stood up and corrected her on your behalf, but I would have, had I been there.)

@wuminzo I really felt for you when I read this.

I'm hearing impaired and know how infuriating/embarrassing/ annoying these situations can be. But people who behave like this need to be told, so they can get training on how to deal with people with this type of disability. So complain, and ask what training medical secretaries get on dealing with patients with this type of issue.

That's terrible, my MIL was profoundly deaf and everyone knew to make sure she could see you if speaking to her. The secretary should have had the common sense and decency to follow your wishes. Awful, and I'm sure everyone was thinking that.

You could have missed/misunderstood key information because this woman couldn't be bothered to make reasonable adjustment for you. It is not acceptable. Please complain formally, not just for you but for all the other hearing impaired people who can’t advocate for themselves.

I think your suggested approach to it is good.

If you are likely to have to see her again, not making it personal but seeking clarification is good. Ask how they can ensure patients with hearing impairments receive information in an appropriate way.

As a PP said, jot down what you want to say and cut and paste it into chat GPT with an instruction to make it neutral.

In some ways these policy orientated questions are harder to ignore than the 'she treated me this way '.

Although others were listening I don't think the embarrassment is all yours (though understand it felt that way). I'm sure most of them thought her idiotic when you'd clearly spelled out the problem.

I've had really understanding, sensible people in that situation and some who I think are actually dedicated to practising ventriloquism.

It's probably about time for the hospital staff to have their EDI training updated to include something about disabilities.

I'd definitely submit a written complaint about the lack of training for staff who are dealing with those who are d/Deaf and hard of hearing, using that experience as the example.