To have not let him leave?

[Feron2]

I’m six months pregnant and for the first time in a while, my DH and I had an epic argument.
It escalated beyond reasonableness on both our sides. Nothing cruel or abusive, just rough.

I have a huge all-day work meeting today that I’m organising and chairing. I won’t be back till midnight tonight and have the same again tomorrow.

At midnight I asked him if we could please calm down as I desperately needed some sleep. I was worried about running the meeting on no sleep. I’m exhausted enough being pregnant.

He said he needed space and was going “home” (his parents house).

We live near his parents but my family live the other side of the country, so I couldn’t leave even if I wanted to. Our spare room is being turned into a nursery so we don’t have another room to sleep.

Firstly I feel really strongly in general that you don’t leave your spouse overnight during an argument. My dad sometimes left and didn’t come back for days and it’s a huge boundary for me.

Furthermore I knew if he left I’d never sleep, and I was very nervous about today’s meeting, especially if I didn’t sleep.

I asked him to stay so I could please at least sleep. I knew I’d be wide awake otherwise.

He did, and I did sleep. He did too.

WIBU to insist he stay? It’s the first time this has come up for us but it’s a massive issue for me.

At the same time however, I’m carrying a lot of guilt today over making him stay. On the one hand I do feel that leaving in the middle of the night due to a row is shit in a marriage, and I was selfishly wanting some sleep too. On the other hand, he is entitled to his space.

I have no issues with taking space during an argument and revisiting in a few hours but overnight is horrid. I’d rather go to bed with a hug, even if it’s half hearted.

This is what worries me.

Just emotionally. Not even anything awful but just going round and round in circles and being so tired that we were just being unreasonable,

He probably had no intention of doing so knowing that op would ask him to stay anyway. I'm guessing he knows how far he can push for a reaction.

Take care OP x

I’m actually not sure about this. He was fairly calm and just said he needed space so was going to go and stay at “home” as he didn’t want to be there tonight. He didn’t seem to be testing me. He seemed pretty set on going.

Yes, you might be right. OP would then ask him to stay and he’s ‘decent’ and stays and looks caring.

Oh and he said he was going to go and stay at home?
Surely his home is with you?!

i didn’t even think of this. He has a key and the house is big so I doubt he’d have woken them but I’ve no idea how he’d have explained it in the morning. I expect he’d have just fibbed and said it was for a practical reason.

I did remind him of this. I was very insulted by that.

Yes he can’t leave he is at home and if he thinks his home is where his mum is something to discuss. Once the baby is born he needs to stay

whst was the argument

So would I have been!

I have abandonment issues from childhood. I’ve discussed this at counselling. The outcome is that if either my partner or I need space, that’s ok, but we reassure each other we’re coming back and give a time frame. So saying something like “I’m really angry right now and need some space to calm down. I’ll be back tomorrow before work”. Something like that.
OP has asked for what she needs which is not what her partner needs. He’s been really accommodating, I feel. I think insisting he stays is unfair and he would likely resent it.

He shouldn't even be thinking about running home to mummy and daddy. He's a married man with a pregnant wife. You can't just run away when you feel like it. What would he do if his parents were dead - run to a hotel at the first sign of trouble? That's not how life works. He needs to grow up.

Want to calm down but
Don't want to talk
Don't have spare room
Accept the need for space but
Don't want your DH to go

Not sure about the argument obviously but I'd suggest he gets 2 points for patience🤞

It’s a sign of things to come, that’s what would worry me

Hang on, isn't his home with you and your soon to be born baby? Running back to Mummy after an argument won't solve anything. Big red flag OP.

I have this problem occasionally. DP's "sensible" response is to leave while we both calm down. My "sensible" response is to stay until we know everything's OK.

The idea of him walking out while we're still cross with each other , and "something" happening scares me. Really scares me.

I don't know what's right, but so far I haven't "let" him leave either.

Well the marriage is over isn't it. If you are arguing that badly that either feels the need to physically remove themselves from the house to get away from the other.
Start making plans...

No it isn't, don't be ridiculous.

Emotions run high sometimes, even in marriages, it doesn't meant ltb

What a man child I really hope he grows up before the baby comes. My dp did this to me 2 months after me giving birth he couldn’t hack it and I did say to him he couldn’t just get up and leave and he’s done it a few times since making me feel like he’s going to kill himself but always comes back but it was a horrible situation.
I would suggest you sit down to chat about why he felt the need to walk out. You can’t have him doing this when baby is here and if your arguing now and he can’t cope it will only get harder.

Ah don’t overthink it OP 🙂..
You didn’t make him stay , you asked him to stay . I can understand someone might need space but it was midnight & you’re pregnant , you shouldn’t be left alone …
Couldn’t he sleep on the couch , no big deal 🤷🏻‍♀️.. Hope everything is ok now & sorted out ..
Congratulations btw 🎈 x

No sofa in this house? I get the need to remove ones self when an argument is going round in circles and nothing is being resolved, and sleep is needed but you dont go off to your parents, that's pathetic. However, with kindness OP I dont understand why you can't sleep. Both reactions seem a little OTT and given you're about to have a baby, not sustainable. A conversation is needed. Arguments happen but you need to reach an agreement about how they can be "paused". Also, sounds a bit like he's was trying to sabotage your day, being so dramatic. 🤷‍♀️

🙄

tbh if an argument is going on and on and round and round in circles no one backing down or compromising some times the sensible thing is for one of you to distance themselves and step away from the situation

or perhaps to grow up and stop arguing, going round and round in circles. These are two 'grown ups' who have made a baby. Either the argument is about something so bad that they need to go their separate ways or they need to be way more mature about handling differences of opinion.

Good lord. My marriage is fine! Arguing is a completely normal part of life.