To not want to do playdates at home as we are not as posh as others?

[Takemebacktospain]

Chose a bit of a catchy title I know but essentially it is true. We live in a very wealthy area and all DC’s school parents live in £700K-£1mil+ 3/4 bed houses.
We are the ouliers as we own a 2 bed Victorian maisonette in one of the less appealing roads in the area. Buying this place took 10 years of hard saving (London rent + childcare costs, not easy) and we are proud of what we have achieved but I can definitely see the difference with that Dc’s friends have. One of them came around and made a comment about just only having 1 bathroom (only a small kid so didn’t say it in a nastyway obv) but deep inside it made me a bit self conscious and wonder if other parents will be judgy.
AIBU?

This thread comes up regularly.

Honestly so long as e kettle gets put on, no one cares.

I was expecting you to say all their friends live in mansions. YABU to be intimidated by 3/4 bedroom houses. You all live in normal sized houses in an expensive area. Get over yourself.

No parent cares, and children will point out differences but that's just what they do. DS1 is disappointed that we have people round here because his friends have things like playrooms and tree houses, but the children seem to have just as good a time and the parents have no issues!

you’d rather your kids miss out on friendships and having fun because of your insecurities - based on what a littlechild said?

Good gracious - get some therapy or wobble your head!!!!!

no one that matters would ever care how big or small your house is.

friends come in all shapes and sizes - as do their houses . Stop being so paranoid and start looking beyond superficial things.

I judge my friendships by people’s kindness, humour, shared interests - not their bank balance or size of their house or make oftheir car.

This is a YOU problem and you are going to do your kids a great disservice if you don’t get over yourself and stop comparing yourself to what others have.

I really wouldn't worry. My kids had friends who were far more well off than we are and some who were not. I made them all welcome, fed them and they are mostly all still friends now they are adults. One of my son's friend's dad owns half the properties in out town and lives in a bloody great mansion - my son's friend is lovely and not snobby at all and always gives me a big hug when he sees me around town. Just be friendly and welcoming to all your kid's friends - they are coming to see their friend, not inspect and judge your house.

This is us and honestly no one cares. If they judge it then they don't have to come back!

We live in a small terraced house while many of our children’s friends live in mansions.

I console myself with the fact that we are mortgage free while they seem to be constantly stressed.

No one but you cares.

Well the little friend will now know that some houses have 1 bathroom and it’s now expanded their world a little bit beyond their multiple bathroom bubble they have grown up with so far.

No one cares. Obviously you’re under no obligation to host play dates at home, and some people prefer to host play dates in the local park or whatever else, but please don’t let your insecurities be the reason for your decision-making here.

Where I live I’m one of the bigger house people and I promise I’m not judging anyone on their house size. Please stop worrying about it. If anyone’s going to look down their nose at you for being less well off than them you don’t want to be friends with them anyway so your house becomes a useful filter to identify these people early. I wouldn’t want to be friend with these people either, but perhaps wouldn’t find out what they’re like so soon because my house might give them the impression I’m the same as them. Honestly, good people won’t give a shit how big your house is, they’ll just care if you’re a nice person or not.

I live in the biv house in this scenario and host more than my fair share of playdates. For some people I think it's connected to this reason.

It upsets me that people think I'm a judgey cow, just based on where I live and not my personality. It upsets my kids who don't understand why they're not asked back to their friends

And I grew up I a small terrace with most of my family living in similar in northern towns that others consider 'grim'...and I'd move back if it were possible with jobs etc

I do think kids will comment but they're not judging. Mine often come back from friends houses asking to share a room with bunk beds like Sophie

Do do the playdates and if anyone does actually judge, you know to stay away from that parent

So your children miss out because you have issues about where you live, does this sound healthy or normal to you?

People take us as they find us

As long as your house is reasonably clean (tidy unimportant to me), I would have no opinions about my kid playing at your house

As long as your house is clean and safe no one cares how big, small, fancy or otherwise it is.

As a child my friends lived in a variety of houses and flats. I noticed size of house/garden/decor etc but I didn't make a value judgement based on it - and me and my friends actually hung out the most in one of the small houses. It was how welcome I felt in that space that made all the difference, not how big the house was or how modern the decor.

i also live in an expensive city and in my opinion the link between earnings and value of property owned has diminished massively. Instead it's wealth (inheritance, bank of mum and dad etc) that plays a much bigger role. There are kids in my child's class with doctor/lawyer parents living in modest 2 bed terraces, and others with parents in lower paid professions living in million pound houses. I definitely don't make assumptions on a person's job/income etc based on their home if that's your concern (in terms of judgement from adults).

If your DC has a friend with a home smaller than yours would you judge them?

I love going to other people’s houses. As pps have said, I would be sad if you judged me just because my house is big, and I would be sad if my kids missed out on experiences for that reason.

You live in the same area and your kids go to the same school. No parent [who isn't a complete arse] would give it a second thought unless they had a raging case of the trots or IBS or similar

More bathrooms just means more cleaning and the opportunity for teens/husbands to sit on the loo and doomscroll all day.

If it makes any difference to your thinking, most kids work on the basis that other peoples homes are just different so they comment on what's different. It's not negative, it's just how they process it. Adults often too I think.

I was the kid from the big house with a best friend in the small house. It mattered not one jot. We had just as much fun at hers as mine. I preferred going to hers simply because it wasn't my house!

You really need to get over yourself, kindly.

I hate playdates full stop at my house so I used to arrange them and take them to soft play. My house was no different to others but if you feel that way then maybe try that.

Most of DDs friends at Primary lived in very ‘nice’ houses. Lots of reasonably wealthy families. Mainly London terraced 4/5 beds etc. One of her friends lived in a flat in a high rise on a pretty rough estate. Lifts stank, loads of rubbish. Her friends parents slept in the living room behind a curtain as there wasn’t enough room in the bedrooms.
It was absolutely her favourite place to go on a play date, her friend’s mum ( she was a friend of mine as well) was great at doing crafts, cooking etc with them and it was a really happy home and she was REALLY jealous of her friend living in a flat. She thought the lifts were super exciting as well!

The only things that matter are whether the dc get on, and whether you (and they) are welcoming, responsible and reciprocal.

👏👏👏

Exactly this^^

Very well said!

To answer some of the pp above, our place is clean and lovely, beautifully decorated (in my opinion) with a lovely garden. I am very house proud and a bit of an interior freak so I am not “ashamed” of the state of the place itself, just that is quite small and on a less nice road