To not want to do playdates at home as we are not as posh as others?

[Takemebacktospain]

Chose a bit of a catchy title I know but essentially it is true. We live in a very wealthy area and all DC’s school parents live in £700K-£1mil+ 3/4 bed houses.
We are the ouliers as we own a 2 bed Victorian maisonette in one of the less appealing roads in the area. Buying this place took 10 years of hard saving (London rent + childcare costs, not easy) and we are proud of what we have achieved but I can definitely see the difference with that Dc’s friends have. One of them came around and made a comment about just only having 1 bathroom (only a small kid so didn’t say it in a nastyway obv) but deep inside it made me a bit self conscious and wonder if other parents will be judgy.
AIBU?

One of my son’s friends lives in a small house and always mentions it. But I always think it is the most welcoming happy house. Honestly no one cares and if they do they are dicks.

There are so many thread on this over last few days, and it's so sad to read. Don't let other people have this power over your feelings, OP, ESPECIALLY when it's your own imagination of their opinion and not actually their opinion.

Here's a little story – we had a play date for my 7yr old daughter last week. The other little 7yr old girl came over for a couple of hours. We live in a £900k 4-bed, 2-bath home, and what did the little girl bang on about? How her garden was WAY bigger than ours.

Honestly, you can't win (and what is 'winning' anyway?). Enjoy your lovely home, ignore others' opinion AND your perceived thoughts,

Nobody cares at all provided you're nice to their DC and can offer the parents a cup of tea if they come over too.

We were in the situation of being tenants in a nice area in a house attached to DH job
we had far less income than a lot of the families round about
BUT we were the house that was the gathering place for all the kids friends .
Nothing makes a house more attractive to people than the folks who live there and your attitude to visitors and a warm welcome.

I try to remember being a child and the homes I liked were the friendly fun ones. I don’t recall thinking about what the houses were like or how large they were. Similarly as an adult if I like someone I don’t care either. Mind you I do recall renting a small bungalow on a farm in between moving homes - a woman did say she was so shocked I lived in such a tiny place and thank goodness that wasn’t my actual property! I had another friend with me at the time and we were both speechless. Shallow or what?

Children want to hang out. For some reason one playdate that sticks in my mind from my own childhood was when I was invited to tea with a girl I liked who lived in a tiny flat. Her mum was so friendly and cooked really nice food. I just remember it being a happy time with kind and gentle people around.

My DC and I live in a 2 bed Housing Assocation flat. DC share a room.
They have friends from far more 'well to do' families who come here for playmates.
Our shabby home doesn't deter the parents of their mates sending them over here (they're probably grateful I'm happy to host, as my DC are AuDHD twins and full on).
I do often feel self-conscious about the contrast in standards of living, but I definitely don't let it stand in the way of playdates!

My best friend from primary school lived in a 5 bed house with a huge garden. I lived in a 3 bed semi and remember thinking she lived in a mansion.

She then went on to a private secondary and some of her her school friends used to tell her how small her house was compared to theirs!

My point is there’s always someone better off than you. Anybody who makes you feel inferior lacks grace and class. Your children will follow your example. Be proud of what you’ve worked hard for!

We had the smallest place when my dc were at primary school. One child came round and asked where the rest of the house was 😂. We still laugh about it today.

Just don’t let your insecurities pass to your dc

I remember once being asked where the stairs were! Kids come out with all sorts, it’s not worth the OP’s second thought.

Just own it! No one who matters care x

It’s small and on a less nice road?? Poor you

Give people a chance, you never know some people might not judge others on what road they live on or the size of their house.

This is a you problem and that is all.

Kids have no filter, you know that, but I doubt the child was bothered by you only having one bathroom.

Your house sounds lovely. Many of those in more expensive places will have been in far less earlier on.

Children just want to have a good time, for their environment to be free and easy. Relax and enjoy it, you have it for many years to come.

Looking back, I daresay we were a bit downmarket compared to some :-). We also only had one bathroom (but we did have a downstairs 'cloakroom'). We were also often in quite a mess. However children loved being at our house and we had many stay over, one virtually moved in at weekends and during the holidays. We were laid back and the kids enjoyed themselves. Some of the parents had second homes and went on expensive holidays, it made no difference.

My only child is now nearly 46 and still has many of the same friends; a lot came to his dad's funeral (& some of their parents), so it couldn't have been too bad :-). My child has now bought the house and lives there so it continues.......

You'll be fine. Think about it, you are being a bit snobbish. I know you don't mean to be but you are. It's you that matters, not your house - which sounds pretty good anyway.

Unfortunately you just need to get over it. I can understand that may be difficult but work on why you feel the way you do, try and detach yourself self eating from the value of your home. Do you judge others on the basis of how much their house is worth? Hopefully not and if that’s the case, why would others?

We have a small and probably more messy house than other of my sons friends but we've had more kids here than he's gone elsewhere. If he asks I say yes. I always do extra cleaning and tidying and always worry about feeling judged but he's friends have always been polite and respectful and he's nearly 16 now. Girlfriend has a much nicer house but she seems to prefer being here as I think we're more laid back. I think I have to suck up what ever shame I might feel for him to maintain his friendships

We live in a big house but my dc have enjoyed play dates at smaller, tidier, messier houses. This is life and never bothered me. If people judge you they are not your people. Don’t let yours miss out on opportunities to make friends because of your insecurities.

I don’t think it matters, altho of course I can understand the way you’re feeling. As long as your home is clean and safe, that’s really all that matters.

I had to do a double take to see if it was me that had posted this! I can 100% relate to how you feel. For my eldest ds it was never an issue as his friendship group was this gorgeous group of kids from all backgrounds (they are all still friends). It IS an issue for my youngest, whose class mates are from much wealthier backgrounds (unfortunately). It is what it is. It is putting me off having playdates tbh. Its not fair on him so from next year I will let him have them but only with the kids/parents I know won't make him (or me!) feel 'less than'.

I lived in a huge but unhappy house as a child. I loved visiting my friends' small houses where they shared tiny rooms, and ate in the kitchen or on the sofa. They were happy houses and they seemed to have everything they needed. I don't think my parents judged them either and were quite happy to drop me off there. I don't remember ever wondering why they had one bathroom or no dining room/study/utility/guest suite/sun room etc I just though on my street the houses are big and in this street they are terraced so smaller and though nothing of it really. I live in a small house now.

As you said your house is lovely and beautiful. Proof that it’s not just big houses that are nice. You’re clearly proud your home and so you should be, so there you go. 🙂

I think you should have your head held high and have those play dates at your house. None of those parents who you’re worried about have a leg to stand on. Just think how absolutely boring they would sound to someone if they tried to talk about the size of your living room or how many toilets you have. The truth is most won’t people even bat any eyelid, but the ones that would are honestly not worth your headspace especially when money and snobbiness has gone to their head that much.

Crikey, your place sounds like a lovely place to have a play date. I would carry on. If anyone is silly enough to be snobby about respective house sizes don’t ask them again!

Thanks everyone. I know it’s a me problem and I just need to get over it somehow!