Partner putting hidden camera in house

[ivise]

Hi , long story short . Me and my partner , my girls dad aren’t doing good in relationships anymore . We aren’t fighting but we aren’t communicating anymore unless it’s about some basic home stuff or our child . Basically roommates . I have been thinking for ages how to break out of this unhealthy situation but financially I can not . The flat is on my name and I feel bad to kick him out .

Anyways , yesterday he said that he has put a camera in the house . That threw me off completely .
His reason was to make sure we are safe . That is so much crap . I got defensive and said that this relationship needs to end asap and that he has lost the plot .
I feel violated. I don’t even know if it’s true or he just wants to get some reaction out of me .
Regardless this was my last straw . I don’t think this is normal behaviour. He didn’t even care to accept that I am not feeling comfortable.
what things can I do ? I want to get out of this situation asap?

That applies if you actually own the property you're living in, and relates to whether he may have a claim to a share of it's worth.
As you are renting your home, this won't apply.
Tell him he has to move out in one week's time. Meanwhile, do what the people on here have told you to do and check for the camera. Change the wifi password in any case and don't tell him the new password.

I was effectively held hostage by my ex for four years, because everytime I would ask him to leave he would refuse. We ended up on a toxic merry go round, kick this man out. Him not having anywhere to go isn't your problem. FYI- my ex was in a new relationship and living with someone within weeks of finally leaving. So, trust me he will be fine xx

He has no rights to be there as its in your name, speak to your landlord maybe they can ask him to leave

If you're his last option and he's being a massive cock to you, that tells you everything you need to know about his respect for you.

I'd have the police come round and say I was concerned about stalking due to hidden camera allegation and ask for an injunction against him. Then change the locks after you've pre-warned police and shown rental records as part of the first visit with a request for an urgent response if he becomes threatening.

You want to keep things normal for your daughter. Heaving her around a man that is do controllingnis completely abnormal and it will be affecting her, whatever you'd prefer to think.

Get him out, with support, because he is dangerous. Any man filming or threatening to film you is controlling and dangerous.

Him having nowhere to go is not your responsibility.

Yes, it's wrong if you're renting in your name only.

Of course he's got nowhere to go - nobody keeps a spare home to move into just in case their relationship breaks down 😀. He can move in with a friend or relative or sleep in his car or a hotel.

Ultimately OP - you have to decide if you want him there or not.

If you do want him there and you're just having a moan about him on here thats fine - crack on..

If you don't want him there ask him to leave and if he doesn't leave call the police.

And change the wifi password and don't give him the new one.

Of its your flat kick him out. And make sure he takes the camera with him.

@ivise there are programs you can download to locate a concealed camera in you home!

So he may or may not have put a camera up without your consent. That's spying! And I would bet he has rather than hasn't. Demand to know where it is and if he still doesn't give you a definite answer I would honestly speak to the police.
When he goes out to work, get the locks changed, bag his stuff up and leave it outside.

Ask him to leave.

If he ignores it, change the locks.

If he still someone gets back in or refuses, have the police removed him.

You know this is a form of Domestic Violence.
Please report to police. They can arrange to get the cameras removed.
This happened to my daughter, he got 30 days in jail, then bailed.
She had no warning, but noticed plaster dust in a few rooms.
Intervention order he can’t come within 200 m of her home for 5 years.
Up your own security.
Very serious situation especially with children in the home.

This is a really BAD idea. If you give him a month to move out and meanwhile you move out yourself - one of two things could happen -

1. He won't find another place and will continue to liver in your flat without you. What do you do then?
2. He will find somewhere and will move out but will trash the flat so you will have to pay to get it fixed up again.

I very much doubt the third 'happy ending' option will happen.

You are no longer in a relationship. You are now adversaries. Just change the locks and get him out. He can sofa surf with friends and family, stay in a bnb, find a house share , go to the council as he is homeless. He will find somewhere.

Just because he helped me pay while living there doesn’t mean is his right to stay

He didn't "help you" pay your mortgage. He paid for having a place to live, likely way beyond what he would pay for renting an apartment on his own.

You seem a lovely woman fed up and making all kind of statements like involving the police, he's laughing about because he knows you won't follow thru with them.

You need to find your bitch boots first before dealing with him, Telling him to leave and making empty threats when you don't back them up with actions, makes you an easy doormat in his eyes. Unless you mean your words to get him out, you won't get rid of him.

Email him 1 month in advance with the date you want him to vacate your house, and then change locks. Don't engage in emotional manipulation, smile if he tries to guilt-trip you, and when the date is due, change the bloody locks.

@ivise he has no rights what so everyone there .
If you find out he is “only joking” the police would still figure out what type of person he is.
You need to find it in you to tell him to leave.
Give him one weeks notice . After that day make sure his stuff is outside and the locks are changed.
Call the police and give a heads up as you feel things may escalate .If he gets into trouble that’s on him.

You and your child is not need this

This is domestic abuse. Ask him to leave, get the police involved if he really won't go. This will only continue to get worse if you don't get him out.

OP, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. But if the flat is in your name and you ask him to go and he refuses, technically he's trespassing.

why the fuck does it matter if he says he's only joking?

Seriously?

why are you listening to him?

Do you want this to continue?

OP, this is a case for the Police. He thinks you won’t go through with it. Please see Women’s Aid and go to your nearest Police Station to tell them you’re worried about unwanted surveillance - as a previous poster said, he’s openly said about the existence of a camera - even if he’s trying to scare you, his threat will tell everyone exactly what type of man he is.

Tell him to pack his bags.

If this is the kind of thing he is doing, or even threatening to do, then actually police involvement could be helpful. It might well be safer for child to have supervised access.

Ok listen. A friend had a one night stand and huge blowup with her partner but they made up. Time passes and he seems over it (lots of other issues though). She comes downstairs unexpectedly and sees his phone with an image of their bedroom on it. She picks it up and realises it’s a camera feed. He grabs it says it’s nothing blah blah. She runs upstairs to find the camera and he physically assaults her (never did that before). Also, her 7 year old DD changes in that room sometimes.
Lkng story short he was arrested, charged with assault and voyeurism. Guilty. He lost his job, he lost contact with his own DD, he served some time.
You don’t know where the camera is. It’s bullshit he’s great with your DD - why do women always say this when it’s totally obvious he’s a terrible human being? This is not how you treat the mother of your child.
Stop being a doormat. He can figure out where to go - that’s not your problem. Get him out.

I have been thinking for ages how to break out of this unhealthy situation but financially I can not . The flat is on my name and I feel bad to kick him out .

Why can't you break out of this situation financially? What is your financial situation?

@ivise this man is controlling, therefore this is an abusive relationship. He has no right to be there, regardless whether he has paid any bills. It's a rented home in your name. He has no rights.

I strongly urge you to report his controlling behaviour and that he has told you he has put a hidden camera in your home. That you have no idea where it is, and that you need their urgent assistance to remove him from your home.

You then need to change the locks and change the WIFI password. I would hope that the police will do a search to see if they can find any cameras.

Please stop thinking of your partner. It's not your problem where he goes, it's not your problem if police involvement messes with his contact. You need to stop putting this abusive man first and put yourself and your daughter's safety first.

Please do not do nothing. You really do need police support here. He's brought that all on himself, so it's nothing you should feel guilty over.

It’s your tenancy, he has no right to stay. Get him out and change the locks.
Bollocks if he contributed to the rent, so he should, or should he expect to live rent free?